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Another rough day...
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 649629" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Wow, I could have written your exact post. My daughter was (and still is) exactly like that. She wanted my husband and I to take care of her and we did for many years.</p><p></p><p>Therapy is what helped me finally end this cycle. My therapist would remind me that my daughter wouldn't starve to death is she went hungry for a week. In fact, if she ever truly got hungry, she would get food stamps. And that is exactly what happened.</p><p></p><p>Every time we would say no to something that my daughter would try to convince us was a crisis, she always ended up somehow getting food or a place to stay or cigarettes.</p><p></p><p>I finally learned that when we said no, our daughter would manage to get what she needed by herself. It was just so much easier letting us do things for her.</p><p></p><p>She is still trying to work her angles. She is just finishing up a 30 day stay in a residential treatment center and called saying that she needed us to pay for her phone so she could get a job when she went to the halfway house. My husband reminded her that we had just sent her a paycheck from her last job that was sent to our house for some reason. It was for $75. He asked why she hadn't used that money to pay for her phone and she told him that she had spent it on cigarettes.</p><p></p><p>husband has come a long way. He pointed out to her that she had a choice and she chose to use the money for cigarettes instead of the phone bill. He also pointed out that the state that she lives in has a free phone program for low income people and that she automatically qualifies since she is on food stamps.</p><p></p><p>She has known about this for months and never has followed up on getting the free phone. So he pointed out the old saying that failure to plan on her part did not constitute an emergency on our part. She will have to figure this out herself.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong. He will have no reason to plan ahead and go to the food pantry before the weekend or apply for food stamps if he knows you will always come through when he says that he is hungry. Believe me, I know how hard that is for a mother to do.</p><p></p><p>{{{Hugs}}}</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 649629, member: 1967"] Wow, I could have written your exact post. My daughter was (and still is) exactly like that. She wanted my husband and I to take care of her and we did for many years. Therapy is what helped me finally end this cycle. My therapist would remind me that my daughter wouldn't starve to death is she went hungry for a week. In fact, if she ever truly got hungry, she would get food stamps. And that is exactly what happened. Every time we would say no to something that my daughter would try to convince us was a crisis, she always ended up somehow getting food or a place to stay or cigarettes. I finally learned that when we said no, our daughter would manage to get what she needed by herself. It was just so much easier letting us do things for her. She is still trying to work her angles. She is just finishing up a 30 day stay in a residential treatment center and called saying that she needed us to pay for her phone so she could get a job when she went to the halfway house. My husband reminded her that we had just sent her a paycheck from her last job that was sent to our house for some reason. It was for $75. He asked why she hadn't used that money to pay for her phone and she told him that she had spent it on cigarettes. husband has come a long way. He pointed out to her that she had a choice and she chose to use the money for cigarettes instead of the phone bill. He also pointed out that the state that she lives in has a free phone program for low income people and that she automatically qualifies since she is on food stamps. She has known about this for months and never has followed up on getting the free phone. So he pointed out the old saying that failure to plan on her part did not constitute an emergency on our part. She will have to figure this out herself. Stay strong. He will have no reason to plan ahead and go to the food pantry before the weekend or apply for food stamps if he knows you will always come through when he says that he is hungry. Believe me, I know how hard that is for a mother to do. {{{Hugs}}} ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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