Another Totoro Dad dilemma.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by totoro, Mar 25, 2009.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I wont go into the details for any of you who haven't had to endure the lengthy long drawn out ramblings of my family insanity. Insanity doesn't quite cut it at times.
    This is of course regarding my Father, I use this term very loosely.
    I have only e-mailed him 2x's since being back from his home in Mexico. That was about month ago.
    I have only responded to 2 of his notes. Pretty short and to the point, no real info from me. Not mean but not overly loving.

    I am trying to not cause a fight but trying to distance us a little.
    He wrote to me today though and he really has no clue that their is any distance.
    He wrote that he is sending the girls some Easter stuff.

    So, they have not mentioned Grandpa and Grandma ONCE since we have been back.
    I am not bringing them up, I am trying to slowly delete them from their lives. I have the feeling we will not see them again for a long time if ever.

    So I am tempted to not tell them who these things are from.
    Maybe they are from us? I do not feel that bad about not telling them.
    I do not like lying, but this seems for the best.

    If one day the girls choose to hate me over this, so be it. I honestly feel it is in their best interest.

    Maybe if they had a longer or more of a relationship?

    Maybe if he wasn't a sociopath? I would feel differently

    Oh, One of the things that kid of made me feel this way was his comment about him selling his house, The President of Puerto Rico came and looked at his home, they think he is trying to get rid of some drug money or launder some money. He stated he doesn't care, he is OK with these things.

    I am just so sick of anytime I am around him this is what it is like.
    I am done.

    Am I doing the right thing, do you guys think?
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Does he really think you believe that the president of PR came to buy his house? For real? I think I would have laughed out loud at that. How grandiose.

    No way should you feel any guilt for keeping him away from your babies. He is nutso. Im sorry...maybe I should be more easy child...he is an idiot. Give the girls anything he sends and pretend it is from the Easter Bunny.
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    You know what is sad DJ is that the President likely did look at his house.
    You would have to know my Father to believe it. But this is what I had to live with for a portion of my life.
    Oh he is grandiose, don't get me wrong, but he has built himself an empire and is very proud of the fact that he has never worked a day in his life... think Scarface.

    All of the people that have looked at his home so far are from So. Africa, So. America, Spain or places that are pretty remote. Most of the people are looking for a 3,4,or 5th home. 2 sets came while we were staying there.
    It is quite ridiculous.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Smart thing to do would be to toss whatever he sends the kids straight into the trash.......someone elses trash so you're certain they never see it. You don't have to lie, nor feel obligated to "doting" grandpa.

  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Yep, I agree with Daisy. I would probably just donate it to charity. There are many kids that have nothing for Easter - think of your Dad's gift as presents to a kiddo who needs cheering up. But don't try to disguise them as your presents to the girls, because you will always know - and somehow that will come back to bite you spiritually and emotionally.

    Hugs. I am sorry about crazypants dad.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    That's a good idea!
    It isn't as if they are not going to get something from husband's parents!
    Which is more than enough!
    I will donate...
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am with the donate crowd. If you see a homeless family on the street corner, give it to them. If you know of a famiy down on their luck, leave it on their doorstep (but you are in AZ, don't let the chocolate melt!!!).
  8. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    Just want to make it clear that there is no President of Puerto Rico, that would be Obama. So unless Obama is laundering money through your Dad's house, probably not?

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Sneaking gifts under your name is fine, if you plan to cut them off. I'd probably start explaining, in tiny little bits, to the kids as they get old enough, though.
  9. ML

    ML Guest

    Either give it to the kids, or if it would feel too uncomfortable for you, charity.

    Love and hugs , T xoxoxo ML
  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    In my mind, your job as mother is to protect your children. My kids could hate me as long as they are safe from my father's sick behavior, gun toting, and insanity. Sorry- I don't think you should have a doubt about keeping a lot of distance from such a bad influence and a dangerous influence.

    He must have meant the Govenor of PR.
    The idea that he built an "empire" without ever doing a day of work is disgusting. No argument from me if you avoid him at all costs.
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'd either donate or let the Easter Bunny bring some extra suprises. They get the gifts, you have no explanations, in the off chance it ever comes up, you don't have to lie to anyone.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I like the donation group. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this at all. Hugs.
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Puerto Rico does have a governor, though. Gov. Luis Fortuno.
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Slapping sides....Obama! Giggles...lmao...omg...rofl. I dont know about their governor but I just am having a laughing attack imagining Obama sneaking down there to buy his house....LOL...
  15. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Toto, is it safe for you to post about your father so openly? Drug dealers have very long tentacles...
  16. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Funny I just reread his post he said Costa Rica ...of course spelled wrong!

    Here is his quote...

    "No news on the house yet, we had the "President" from Coasta Rico look at it and might be serious? We will see, probably drug or gambling money he is trying to get out of the country, but its o'k with me!"

    He speaks Spanglish now
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2009
  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I could care less about posting about him! He left the country, because he was hiding money. He is still doing things under the radar so to speak. He uses alternative names at times. He is a dual citizen. But I don't think they are looking for anymore because he is smart and has been away long enough for the time to run out. Which is what he told us... Over 10 years.

    The drugs were a long time ago, he is doing other scams now. Likely to really nice people. Which is even sadder.
    And very proud!

    Puerto Rico, Pretty funny. Eekysign always ready to jump on someone's sss. That was meant to sarcastic... ;)
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2009
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm a day late and a dollar short. Just wanted to send support.
    Now I know who the governor of Puerto Rico is. The things you learn here ...
  19. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I would have rather had it be Venezuela or Cuba!!!