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Another year and I'm still the devil
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757858" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Deni</p><p></p><p>I read both of your posts. I think it's inevitable that on special days like birthdays that we both yearn for and worry about our children, and more than that rethink the circumstances and whether there's another way to go.</p><p></p><p>I am trying to see an opening for you. Not necessarily to speak to your son, or see him or help. Maybe I mean a way to hold him in your mind and heart or even to think about your son and his situation in a way so as to feel that you are in a constructive place. Because I believe we want to be relationship to our children, even though we can't be. By relationship in this context I mean an attitude. </p><p></p><p>What I am left with is this. Your son (or his delusion) is leaving you no opening at all. That is not necessarily so bad, because it is hard to see how any interaction with him would not be damaging to you and to him, as long as his belief system is so rigid. There do seem to be positives. That he has maintained this residence to me seems positive. That he is independent seems positive. That he is maintaining himself financially seems positive. That he seems healthy, and apparently has had no involvement with law enforcement seems positive. </p><p>I </p><p>We want to do more. We feel we should do more. But these are grown adults. They get to make their own medical decisions, unless they are involuntarily treated and hospitalized. </p><p></p><p>The smartest thing I have done in the years of trouble with my son was to back off and to let him handle his life as he could. With that I showed him the respect to which he is entitled to and my confidence that he can handle his life. That's what I see you doing. And I got myself out of the way so I was not damaged so terribly. Once I did this I saw that I had created so much of my own misery. I had inserted myself in between my son and his life. This hurt him and hurt me. I think you are doing the only thing you can do and the right thing. Does it make it easy? No. I am sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757858, member: 18958"] Dear Deni I read both of your posts. I think it's inevitable that on special days like birthdays that we both yearn for and worry about our children, and more than that rethink the circumstances and whether there's another way to go. I am trying to see an opening for you. Not necessarily to speak to your son, or see him or help. Maybe I mean a way to hold him in your mind and heart or even to think about your son and his situation in a way so as to feel that you are in a constructive place. Because I believe we want to be relationship to our children, even though we can't be. By relationship in this context I mean an attitude. What I am left with is this. Your son (or his delusion) is leaving you no opening at all. That is not necessarily so bad, because it is hard to see how any interaction with him would not be damaging to you and to him, as long as his belief system is so rigid. There do seem to be positives. That he has maintained this residence to me seems positive. That he is independent seems positive. That he is maintaining himself financially seems positive. That he seems healthy, and apparently has had no involvement with law enforcement seems positive. I We want to do more. We feel we should do more. But these are grown adults. They get to make their own medical decisions, unless they are involuntarily treated and hospitalized. The smartest thing I have done in the years of trouble with my son was to back off and to let him handle his life as he could. With that I showed him the respect to which he is entitled to and my confidence that he can handle his life. That's what I see you doing. And I got myself out of the way so I was not damaged so terribly. Once I did this I saw that I had created so much of my own misery. I had inserted myself in between my son and his life. This hurt him and hurt me. I think you are doing the only thing you can do and the right thing. Does it make it easy? No. I am sorry. [/QUOTE]
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