ant and his complex life


Hi Ants Mom,
well, sounds like you covered everything--you know what's what now. I totally agree that you should back off and stay out of their world for a rest--you really deserve it! I hope you stay crisis free for awhile and can enjoy just being you and having time to do the things you would like to do.


Well-Known Member
With the two of them being so volatile and unpredictable, Janet,
I think backing off is probably the best thing to do. on the other hand I
wanted you to know that it can be done so should circumstances
change you will have the information. Your attorney is legally
correct (how nice you don't have another; however, if
you should ever feel the need to use a Durable P of A the wording
includes "health" so that is how you protect the child during the
night. It's an ongoing stressful sales job. You sweetly say
"Ant I know you would like to take Kaleb with you right now but
he is sound fast assleep and the Doctor wants him to have a full
solid nights sleep to protect his health. If you want to come
back in a few hours (chances are it will be 3 AM then), I'll make
sure Kaleb is dresssed, fed and waiting to see you." Ant won't
show up at 6 AM! on the other hand, if he is drunk or drugged and would be
an actual danger to Kaleb...then you can call the police and
quietly explain that your son wants to take his son with him but
at the moment he appears to be under the influence AND that you
have a D P of A that BOTH parents have signed/notarized showing
you have the right to make decisions for his safety and health.

Once you pull out a copy of the document (I keep one at home,
one at work and one in my purse. The one in my purse is the only
one folded...the other two are in a slipin plastic page protector
so it can't be grabbed and ripped) the Officer will be on your
side, the medical people will be on your side and the school will
be on your side.

IF any of those people side with the parent, which could happen
of course, then you will absolutely know that you did every single thing you could do to protect Kaleb.

Please understand that I am NOT saying that you should do this.
I just want you to know that you do not have to feel as though
there is no way to take action. Many, many, many times I have
wished that I hadn't figured out how to do this. It has sucked
our life away. on the other hand, we did have almost fourteen years that were
full of love and laughter with easy child/difficult child...and...we thank God that
difficult child really does have a chance at a future after these past five
or six uninterrupted years.

As always, I will remember you and your family in my prayers.DDD


Active Member
thanks DDD. thing is, I am worn out. I had already the incident with ant being drunk and kaleb here when he was only a few months old. the cops made ant leave for a bit, but they let him have him in the morning. ant called today asking me to drive him an hour into town and pay his elec deposit of 175.00 (he will pay back friday)
I said no that I could not do that and I know he will figure this out. he hung up on me.

as I get older and have been thru this crap for 11 plus years...I am fed up and starting to care less and less about things.

I will continue to pray for Kaleb and trust God will watch over him when I cant.
other than that, I am brain fried.


No real answers to life..
<span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>Janet, I think your approach is probably best. If you push too much at this point I would think both Danielle and Ant would leave Kaleb with others (less responsible) than take the chance you would pursue Kaleb legally. I think this would put Kaleb in danger. Don't think you have many choices at this point with sad that he has to be drug along the path his parents are taking.....

Saying prayers for all involved....</span>

Keep trying to protect Kaleb. My mother recently got custody of my nephew. After years of abuse by his mom and her boyfriend and neglect from my brother as he's never got his self together. He was seriously hurt once and taken from his mom twice. After all that the state continued to give him back to his birth mother.
Finally, the paperwork piled up enough to show a judge she was unfit. He's 13 yo now, just 3 days older than my difficult child.
Honestly if you made a move to get Kaleb even if it failed it might be a wake up call for Danielle. It worked temporarily for my sister-in-law.
I'm so afraid my difficult child will follow in these footsteps. My brother sounds a lot like Ant. I've seen how hard his life is and I want to protect difficult child from it. Too bad he'll have to find his own way as I can't learn the lessons for him.

Hang in there. Little Kaleb know you are the best thing in his life. For him, home is there in your arms.


Active Member
Antsmom - 'I am backing off and hope to stay out of their world for a rest.'

When people ask me where am I going for the holidays

I say ' I going to Ru-main-ai to Book-a-rest'




Active Member
lol allan
even if I go to the North Pole, the phone somewhere will ring and it will be a sad voiced ant telling me he screwed up, he is so sorry and can I help him with maybe 20 bucks. ugh