Janet
Now that the posts have taken this turn, I'd like to share a bit of my experience with you...
When difficult child 1 (the Basset Hound) was born, I was not much more than a kid myself (just 19 years old) and about as responsible as your son. My mother, bless her heart, took my daughter in for a few years until I got my act together. My mom was struggling financially, so in order to afford raising her, I signed over temporary legal custody to my mom. This wasy my mom could get welfare benefits for my daughter.
Well the day came that I was able to take my daughter back. Mom was still struggling financially (she has not been able to work since I was 12 due to MS) so I figured what the heck, I'd just let her keep getting the welfare in Basset Hound's name.
Well THAT came back to bite me in the
. I was not able to claim her on my income taxes, even though I was raising her, because as far as the state was concerned, my mom was. If I were to claim her, my mom would have been audited.
SO...
As much of a pain in the rear as it is, it may be better in the long run for everything to be done to the letter. If they don't get you coming, they get you going.
What horrible situation to have to be in. Again, hugs and prayers.