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Substance Abuse
Anxiety creeping in before the "visit"
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<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 7270" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>Thanks for caring you guys. </p><p></p><p>Pony, I think we have ALOT in commen. You warmed my heart too. </p><p>Tylerfan, I wanted to punch the screen when I read what you said about </p><p>my "attitude", lol. You goofball! </p><p>Lori4ever, It can be difficult for sure! thanks for the understanding. </p><p>Robby, thank you for the prayers and concern. </p><p>OTE, you've got alot on your plate right now, you're a sweety. </p><p>DDD, and Karen...wasn't really anytime to fit in an area meeting, but I hung in there. </p><p></p><p>Oldest difficult child looked his best. Clean cut and shaven. He does however think that he's "fat" now. He's healthy is all. LOL, he did say he has a problem with some of the food. The pigs are slaughtered to make the pork, etc. Then the leftovers are fed back to the pigs. He doesn't like the idea of eating "canibal pigs". lol. </p><p>Offered him snacks with the change grandma and I brought in...he chose zigglers.</p><p></p><p>He talked about the society of prison. He has chosen to stay away from the skinheads. Apparently someone of age and color has befriended difficult child and has let the others know that difficult child wasn't raised in the inner city and doesn't think like them. My oldest difficult child has been raised around hispanic and african american families his whole life...He despises the racial divide in prison life. He made a choice and is attending what he calls "SOS" instead of AA meetings in the evenings. Whatever works for difficult child, he knows what he's doing and plain to see his reasons are riteously indignant, hm, wonder where he gets that from, lol. </p><p></p><p>Most important, he said, "I know I don't want to die". </p><p>Which in mind is the most hopeful statement of all. He could have said, I want to live and live abundantly, but I'll take "I don't want to die" for how I know he meant it. </p><p></p><p>He showed me the money he is "saving" that I put on his books every month. Says he hopes it will be enough to help him buy a car when he gets out next July-October. </p><p></p><p>He is still "charming" his way through life. The front entrance guard is very familiar with difficult child and his song and dance routines. He apparently seranaded her just the day before. </p><p></p><p>Did I mention before that he managed to get the transporting officer to lend him his cell phone to call me when he was being transfered from County to SAFP. Yep, his manipulating charm is still in tact. </p><p></p><p>It was good to see him, to hug him, to hold his hands, to hear his new songs, to know that the child I love is still very much alive. </p><p></p><p>The other situation, young difficult child is apparently still "clean", however he has never tested positive for drugs. I have often wondered if something funny is goin on with young difficult child's system, it's been the strangest thing when in the past he swore he had used drugs the day before a test but still no drugs were detected. ???</p><p></p><p>The step-relatives (from my mom's now deceased husband) I hadn't seen in years, were wonderful. </p><p>The son, close in age to oldest difficult child, privately shared some of his own brushes with drug use. He made a conscious decision to go the other way but he certainly wanted me to know that he understood what happend to oldest difficult child, and other friends he has cared about in his recent teen years. He plans to visit oldest difficult child. </p><p>I felt a special bonding with his mother as well. She is the sweetest little thing, they also have a son on ADHD medications and he may have some autism spectrum issues though I don't think they've addressed them...he was very quiet and stayed at the keyboards in the living room most of the time. Their middle son was warm, smiley and cuddly. Just like I remembered him as a small boy hand in hand with my easy child once upon a time. </p><p></p><p>I do think PMS is sneaking up on me and causing some unnecessary anxiety. I'm trying to remind myself that it's "not real only hormones". </p><p></p><p>Got lots to do. We leave in a week or so for skiing in the Rockies and Christmas at father in law's house in Denver. Need to get going on finishing up the christmas list. I don't like shopping, takes me forever when I'm pms-ing. Oh well, it can always be worse. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for the support and care. </p><p>lovemysons</p><p></p><p>One other thing, difficult child is taking "Lithium" but not therapeutically. Said he has to go to pill call here and there or they can kick him out of this program. He doesn't like the mood stabilizers. He does think he has ADHD (has been dxd in the past too) but they won't let them take stimulants there. He did try and use the ADHD, need of stimulant thing as an excuse for why he used Meth and needed to stay awake/alert on the job for husband last year. He said that an older man was surprised that oldest difficult child is so tired when it comes to work given difficult child's age. difficult child said he starts out with energy but it quickly subsides. Might be his inconsistent use of lithium, I'm not sure.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 7270, member: 3305"] Thanks for caring you guys. Pony, I think we have ALOT in commen. You warmed my heart too. Tylerfan, I wanted to punch the screen when I read what you said about my "attitude", lol. You goofball! Lori4ever, It can be difficult for sure! thanks for the understanding. Robby, thank you for the prayers and concern. OTE, you've got alot on your plate right now, you're a sweety. DDD, and Karen...wasn't really anytime to fit in an area meeting, but I hung in there. Oldest difficult child looked his best. Clean cut and shaven. He does however think that he's "fat" now. He's healthy is all. LOL, he did say he has a problem with some of the food. The pigs are slaughtered to make the pork, etc. Then the leftovers are fed back to the pigs. He doesn't like the idea of eating "canibal pigs". lol. Offered him snacks with the change grandma and I brought in...he chose zigglers. He talked about the society of prison. He has chosen to stay away from the skinheads. Apparently someone of age and color has befriended difficult child and has let the others know that difficult child wasn't raised in the inner city and doesn't think like them. My oldest difficult child has been raised around hispanic and african american families his whole life...He despises the racial divide in prison life. He made a choice and is attending what he calls "SOS" instead of AA meetings in the evenings. Whatever works for difficult child, he knows what he's doing and plain to see his reasons are riteously indignant, hm, wonder where he gets that from, lol. Most important, he said, "I know I don't want to die". Which in mind is the most hopeful statement of all. He could have said, I want to live and live abundantly, but I'll take "I don't want to die" for how I know he meant it. He showed me the money he is "saving" that I put on his books every month. Says he hopes it will be enough to help him buy a car when he gets out next July-October. He is still "charming" his way through life. The front entrance guard is very familiar with difficult child and his song and dance routines. He apparently seranaded her just the day before. Did I mention before that he managed to get the transporting officer to lend him his cell phone to call me when he was being transfered from County to SAFP. Yep, his manipulating charm is still in tact. It was good to see him, to hug him, to hold his hands, to hear his new songs, to know that the child I love is still very much alive. The other situation, young difficult child is apparently still "clean", however he has never tested positive for drugs. I have often wondered if something funny is goin on with young difficult child's system, it's been the strangest thing when in the past he swore he had used drugs the day before a test but still no drugs were detected. ??? The step-relatives (from my mom's now deceased husband) I hadn't seen in years, were wonderful. The son, close in age to oldest difficult child, privately shared some of his own brushes with drug use. He made a conscious decision to go the other way but he certainly wanted me to know that he understood what happend to oldest difficult child, and other friends he has cared about in his recent teen years. He plans to visit oldest difficult child. I felt a special bonding with his mother as well. She is the sweetest little thing, they also have a son on ADHD medications and he may have some autism spectrum issues though I don't think they've addressed them...he was very quiet and stayed at the keyboards in the living room most of the time. Their middle son was warm, smiley and cuddly. Just like I remembered him as a small boy hand in hand with my easy child once upon a time. I do think PMS is sneaking up on me and causing some unnecessary anxiety. I'm trying to remind myself that it's "not real only hormones". Got lots to do. We leave in a week or so for skiing in the Rockies and Christmas at father in law's house in Denver. Need to get going on finishing up the christmas list. I don't like shopping, takes me forever when I'm pms-ing. Oh well, it can always be worse. Thanks for the support and care. lovemysons One other thing, difficult child is taking "Lithium" but not therapeutically. Said he has to go to pill call here and there or they can kick him out of this program. He doesn't like the mood stabilizers. He does think he has ADHD (has been dxd in the past too) but they won't let them take stimulants there. He did try and use the ADHD, need of stimulant thing as an excuse for why he used Meth and needed to stay awake/alert on the job for husband last year. He said that an older man was surprised that oldest difficult child is so tired when it comes to work given difficult child's age. difficult child said he starts out with energy but it quickly subsides. Might be his inconsistent use of lithium, I'm not sure. [/QUOTE]
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