Anxiety Over Returning to Work Tomorrow

[joneshockey]

Hello Everyone~
Boy am I anxious about starting back to work tomorrow after being off for 4 months with baby Emily. Where did ALL the time go??? (probably to ALL her doctors. appointments - LOL) I wish that I could just stay home with her instead, but I have NO CHOICE... we need the income & health insurance. I am glad that she has already had her surgery and hopefully will be getting stronger everyday, but I still constantly worry about her... My mom will be taking care of the kids fulltime until B1 & B2 start back to school, which does give me some peace of mind --- I am not sure if the reason I am having MAJOR seperation anxiety is due to the fact of me being home with her longer than when I had the boys, her being the baby of the family or her medical issues. I start crying everytime I think about leaving her... HELP!!

Cindy

 

[Mattsmom277]

I think you hit it bang on with your mixed reasons for your anxiety about returning to work. I think for most it is hard to leave back to work when you wish you could remain home full time to relish those precious moments with your new child. Emily's medical issues have held her focus very dominant in your life for all of these months, with good reason. Anxiety in leaving a child so soon after surgery to return to work is absolutely understandable.

I don't think anything is going to really make this easier for you. Sounds like the need for finances and insurance are at the forefront of need right now so perhaps look at this return to your job as the chance to provide for Emily's medical needs by working for her insurance. I'm so glad that it is your mother watching over your little ones. That will help you have increased peace of mind that they are all in good hands and that should anything come up that you need to know about, your mother will certainly contact you at work, perhaps in situations where a babysitter might not be certain its appropriate.

Hang in there. Do you have a desk, office or cubby at work? If so, I'd recommend bringing in pictures of the kids, especially baby Emily. Maybe swap them out each week or two with more recent pictures so they are always current. Do you have a cell that can receive text messages with photo attachments? Perhaps mid day your mom could send a daily picture of the kids and a short text filling you in on what they are all up to, just to help you feel not so far away from them during work hours.

I want to say again how glad I am that Emily did so well post op. This is a tough return to work for you, yet looking at this from another vantage point, a heck of a lot of stress was present these months with her medical issues. Now that she is on the road to better health, work might offer you a bit of time to focus on personal things. Accomplishments in your job, reconnecting with coworkers and establishing adult socializing again etc. We moms tend to forget our own human needs as adults when we are caught up in strong needs of our children. And that return every day to home after work is going to be great, seeing their faces light up when you return. Hang in there!

 

[Hound dog]

It's probably both the fact you've been home with her longer and her health issues that have you not wanting to leave her. Health issues alone is a huge worry, although things are really looking up for her now.

I'm glad grandma will be watching the kids for a while. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable with a stranger watching my infant during a recovery period. It would have me a bag of nerves.

Good luck with the return to work.

Hugs

 

[HaoZi]

I also think it's a combination of everything causing the anxiety, plus wondering how the dynamics of work might have changed while you were gone (because even if they don't, it always feels that way for a while). Also glad you have family to watch them and that she's recovering so well. Hopefully it'll correct everything and she won't need any more.

 

[TerryJ2]

Aw, Cindy, I'm sorry.
All you can do is go to work and live through it, and if anything happens, your mom will call you and you will zoom home.
But you're a great mom and loving mom and responsible mom and I think that what you're feeling is normal.
It will be interesting, as HaoZi points out, to see how the dynamics at work have changed.
Hugs.

 

[Steely]

Oh hugs....I would be crying too. You have normal baby mom separation anxiety coupled with medical worry anxiety - that is a hard, hard combo. The only thing that will help that is time. One step in front of the other. And doing everything possible not to think about it. Distract yourself in every way - and when at work I bet it will be easy.
Hugs and hang in there..........

 

[TerryJ2]

It's not 5:00 yet but I thought I'd be the first to ask how it went.

 

[joneshockey]

Well... lets just put it this way ---- I cried ALL the way to work after dropping her off at my mom's. I was in a meeting ALL day so I was somewhat distracted, however I called my mom 4 times. She has been pretty fussy since picking her up, but I guess she didnt sleep very much today... probably the change in routine and being somewhere besides home had something to do with it. I had to take her to her urologist after work to have an ultrasound and have her side tube removed from her surgery last week and she cried unconsolably thru the entire appointment... YIKES! I must admit though as tough as it was to be away from her it was nice to catch up with my fellow teachers and have adult conversation for once. I am hoping it gets a little easier as the rest of the week progresses. I feel EXHAUSTED and I didnt even teach kids today... It must just be that I am not used to being up and out of the house by 7 AM and gone ALL day.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, you cried all the way to work? That is so sad!
I'm hoping each day gets better, for both you and Emily.

 

[Steely]

Just wanted to send you hugs too.....each day will get better....for both you and Emily.

 

[joneshockey]

Today went quite a bit better for me... it still was hard to leave her, but there wasnt any tears. I feel exhaustion starting to set in and it is only Tuesday!! Emily hasnt been sleeping very well at night --- I am beginning to think that she is waking up just to spend time with me (LOL).

 

[Steely]

Glad it went better Does husband get up and help with Emily? I am sure she is having some separation anxiety too - so she is waking up to see if Mommy is still there.
What was her surgery to correct again? I have tons of kidney/bladder issues so just curious -

 

[DDD]

Glad to read that it is getting easier. I think that transitioning is difficult for most of us and certainly with the health issues you've coped with it must be harder. Once you get "in the swing of it" at school I'm sure it will be easier. Hugs. DDD

 

[joneshockey]

Emily has what was called stage 4 hydronephrosis (fluid around the kidneys) and a duplicated collecting system (2 uerter tubes on both the right and left side) She had surgery on her right collecting system... one of her tubes kept getting infected because of where the tube hooked up --- in a "normal" collecting system the tube would empty into the bladder... well one of Emily's tubes bypassed the bladder and was emptying into her uretha (spelling?) This is what was causing ALL of her infections is due to the fact that the hole to her tube was exposed to lots of bacteria due to it emptying into the uretha. I had her back to the urologist yesterday for a post-op appointment to remove the rubber draining tube and the dr. said that he discovered during surgery that she would've had problems with urine leakage as she got older that would've been detected once she was potty trained since that tube was emptying urine in a noncontrolled fashion (since the uretha has no muscles to hold urine in)--- I know too much information right? Hearing this yesterday made me REALLY happy that she had it done when she did before she is old enough to remember it and to save her the embaressment of having wet herself and not knowing why. I gave her a bath for the first time since surgery and she LOVED it --- I wasn't sure how she would react with still having the open wound from the tube and the terristrips still holding her incision closed... I double checked with the dr. yesterday about bathing and he encouraged full baths at this point... he said it would help heal things quicker.

Cindy

 

[Steely]

Wow-interesting....(Maybe only to me) LOL. Will the surgery correct the hydronephrosis too?

I was just thinking yesterday when you said that she was so fussy I bet she is really uncomfortable. Bladder infections/catheters/kidney pain is the worst. I have something called Medullary Sponge Kidney where the kidney holds the liquid in and doesn't get rid of it fast enough causing lots of infections and stones, etc. Not dangerous, just a frequent discomfort. The thing about MDK Disease is every single Dr tells me that there is no way there can be pain with it (scientifically) - but there is. I was part of a little chat room with patients with MDK and they ALL had pain - and yet the doctors will swear to you it is impossible.

Oh well, just a little ramble - glad things are progressing well!!!