Fate has gone and whacked me upside the head again. I suppose I should've expected it when I'm enjoying school so much....... Found out via the Director that our pediatric clinicals will be at cincy Children's. My heart dropped thru my shoes. I've never been confortable with interstates or freeways....even as a passanger.....and flat out have always refused to drive on them. Since being run over by that truck.......being uncomfortable with this has esculated into pure torture for me. I avoid it at all costs......and I'm like a person hanging onto a cliff by their fingernails when I just have to do it. Utter sheer terror the entire time. Which of course is why I rode with Stang to Cleveland. There is no way I can make that drive for clinicals. There is no "back way" to childrens from where I live that would use rural highways and city streets..........plus I'd probably get so lost I'd end up in Florida. My first thought was anti-anxiety medications. But I don't think that would work either. My brain literally shuts down on the darn things. I haven't taken them since I started school 3 yrs ago for that reason. I can't keep a train of thought long enough to hold a conversation, let alone function at clinicals. I am refusing to panic about this. (it's not easy) We have probably months before our peds clinicals. But I do need to figure something out. I happen to have one of easy child's hs friends in the class, sweet girl, and we get along. I'm thinking about asking her about car pooling to children's together with me paying her for gas. Only hitch is that we have to make sure we've got the same clinical days at that time. Right now we do. And that the instructors don't have an issue with scheduling us together. Otherwise.........I will try it on my own......and odds are I will never make it to that first clinical sesson. I know this may sound downright silly to many. But I can't help it. It's left over PTSD from the accident. Me and cars/traffic barely get along as it is......the interstate/freeway is just too much traffic, too many cars traveling at high speeds.........and just thinking about it makes my blood run cold. If it had been Dayton children's I most likely could've handled it. Lived there and had to go there so many times with Travis when he was little that husband had to show me in town streets to get there..........I could manage it. Not cincy. That place scares the crappola out of me anyway.......those people drive like they're on suicide missions. I feel like such an idiot with this. The only person I can say anything about it to is easy child.......and that's because she's seen my reactions......and realizes I have no control. Stang will tell you that I had to warn her I might end up on the floor board of the car in the fetal position without notice...and that it had nothing to do with her driving. Seriously. And I covered my phobia pretty well, I only jerked a few times. But that took so much concentration not to react that I have none left over for actual driving. Gawd this is soooooo hard to explain. And it sounds pathetic even to me. I can just imagine me trying to explain this to my instructors. ugh I will find a way, somehow. Cuz I didn't get this far to let this stop me. I just don't really have a clue how I'm gonna do it. Lord only knows if easy child's hs friend will make it that far in the program......although I think she will.....anything could happen. And to think, last week I was worried about finding this nursing home out in the boonies for our first set of clinicals...........lmao........that seems like nothing compared to cincy!!