Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterby, Jul 1, 2009.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    It's all coming to a head today. Health, finances, difficult child 2's lastest escapade (previously posted on General) and the fall out that will now be effecting his entire family - long story, easy child and school... difficult child is the only not causing me any stress.

    I still havent heard aback from the endocrinologsit.

    I feel like I cant breathe. I cant think. Im shaknging like a leaf.

    Ladies, I think Im mfalling apart.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have long wondered how you are holding up. I would have been a complete basket case with all the things you are attempting to juggle. Just any two things would have made me cower.

    I think there are a few things you can at least get started and going that will help at least get some of the load off your back so you can get some breathing room. Have you completed the Disability application yet? If not that has to be a number one priority. If you simply cannot do it, send your information to me and I will do it for you. Just shoot me a copy of your resume and a copy of several of these posts where you tell your diagnosis's and symptoms. I can go from there. I also need your full names, ages, SSN's and stuff for the kids. Any thing else I need I can call you for.

    difficult child 2 is causing you much stress. I know how close you are to him but back off some. Remember you can love him but dont let his stuff really get to you. You didnt cause any of this and you cant control him.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Heather, try some meditation. Put on a favorite cd and get lost in the music. Eat a bowl of ice cream Go outside and scream really loudly into a pillow---if you don't use the pillow the neighbors might call the cops!! Hit the pillow really hard, over and over again...
    I think you are holding in a lot of anger and your condition, at your finances, at life. That anger, bottled up, can mess you up mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Hugs...sometimes life just hoovers.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    As Janet said getting the disability should be number one priority. I imagine getting that out of the way will reduce a huge amount of stress for you all by itself.

    I also 2nd backing off from difficult child 2 a bit. Yes you love him and care about him, but it's not like you have any control over that situation. He has to learn to make the right choices. You can't do it for him.

    When I get really bad I crank up my fav music and sit right next to the speakers. (I don't own earphones lol) That way I can drown out the rest of the world and let the music distract me.

    You have so much going on right now. Frankly I'd be surprised if you didn't have at least some anxiety.

    Just will pass. Been many a nite I've repeated that to myself a thousand times waiting for it to do just that. And it always does.

  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    hugs... I hope you can find some peace for a while. Hide in the bathroom maybe?

  6. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope you take Janet up on her offer. I think you could use a hand that's for sure. Gentle hugs, ML
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Heather I'm going to offer you what I've been told so bare with me.

    It's time to back off on difficult child 2 ~ he's an adult (or darned close). By keeping yourself busy with him & his chaos you are ignoring yourself. Your needs.

    Your priorities have to be straight. If you don't address your physical, emotional & fiscal issues you will self destruct. Sweetie, I know that you don't like the side effects of the various medications you are taking (i.e. the fatigue), however you need to give some of these a chance to work. AND if you are sleeping you need the sleep; you're body needs rest even if you don't feel that way. I spent 2 years homebound & sleeping almost continually from the encephalopathy ~ still sleep when I can. That's just from my injury.

    Your body is telling you something; doesn't matter the diagnosis, you need to listen to it's needs.

    by the way, I've been doing yoga (via Wii Fit) each morning ~ besides helping stretch my atrophied muscles it's really helping me with calming. My body feels relaxed & "healthy" afterward. It hurts like the dickens yet I feel some strength building - the cushings neck protrudence lessening. I'm standing taller which helps me breath better. I'm getting more oxygen.

    Lady, something has to give & it isn't you. It's the nonsense that goes on about you. difficult child 2 needs to become a non issue. Your focus is you, your kids & your life.
  8. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Thank you, ladies.

    difficult child 2 really isn't a big part of my life lately. The 'incident' happened a week ago Wednesday and I didn't find out until last Friday. I didn't talk to him or his mom again until yesterday.

    It was just that I had found out I was losing half of my puny income and was already stressing. Then when I found out what all was coming of the incident (long story short, children's services came out; mom will probably lose her job)...that was the proverbial straw.

    I'm just hanging on by my fingernails here as it is. With my health and with no answers and no treatment.... I can feel myself getting worse. I mean, do I say this. I have a goal. I have to make it until difficult child is 18. After that, I don't care. Well, that's not true, I do care; but I *have* to make it til then. I'm sure that sounds dramatic to some. But, I live in this body and I know what it feels like it's doing. And I need 4 more years. That's what I ask for every night - 4 more years.

    I'd love to ask for 40 more years. But, I ask for 4. After that, I'll ask for more.
  9. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I guess I must have missed the original post - what is going on? If you dont have time to tell me - then I was wondering about the endocrinologist - I am having my son go to one for his delayed puberty - he is 19 - barely any starting to "develop" has taken place and it bothers him but myhubby was a late bloomer but I cant remember if it was this late - anyway - let me know how I can help - hang in there
  10. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. I second everything that has been said. Please complete the disability paperwork. It is daunting, trust me we have been there done that, but it is so important to start the paper trail. Hugs, and try to take care of you.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know exactly how lonely and daunting and just plain old ticked off it can be to deal with all these invisible illnesses. From sometime in mid 1999 until I actually got my disability in 2007, I was tormented by the what ifs. Even now I dont think we have things really correct. If my diagnosis's are correct, I shouldnt be getting worse at such an alarming rate but no one listens to me. Who am I but just the

    I know when I quit working it was because of my mom but I know in my heart that I couldnt have held on much longer because of the combo of the bipolar and the pain issues. They were starting to intrude more and more into my work life. I couldnt hide behind my wall as well anymore. I was starting to crack and have episodes at work from the bipolar because of how much pain I was in. That had never happened to me before. It was downright scary. I didnt know how to handle it and was starting to seclude myself.

    There were times back then I wanted nothing more than to just drive under a semi and just die. No one could or would tell me what was wrong with me. I would go from doctor to doctor with no answers.

    Eventually you do make it through though. At this point I really dont care what they call it.

    Timer Lady is right, give the medications time to at least attempt to work. Im going back on neurontin because the nerve pain is getting bad again. Its not one of my favorite medicines but oh well. I cant take lyrica. You just gotta keep trying.
  12. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I take the medications that make me feel better. I don't take the medications that make me feel worse. I feel 'worse' enough as it is.

    Besides, no one seems to know what to do anyway. The only medication that has been in question lately is the amitriptyline which is for headaches. There is the fatigue issue with it, but even bigger is the dizziness/lightheadedness upon standing (every time I stand) and activating my restless leg/body thing to the point that I can't stand for anything to touch me; not even my hair. And I've already fallen from the dizziness upon standing when I got out of bed and came darn close to cracking my head on the hope chest. As it was, I ended up with various shades of color all over.

    And that was just for headaches. There are so many other things going on... confusion, profound muscle weakness, fatigue, feeling of malaise almost all of the time, tendonitis bursitis in multiple locations...I could go on and on and on.

    I've given all medications a chance to work. I'm not sure why I'm being told to give them a chance because I haven't been offered any medications that I'm not taking except the amitriptyline and the neurontin - which made me suicidal.

    I took the steroids that I *hate*. I'm doing steroid injections again which I swore I wouldn't do. Cleveland Clinic doctor told me to stop the plaquenil because she didn't think it was helping, but I'm going to try it again. I have no other options. At least no one is giving me any.
  13. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm sending you lots of hugs. You're playing the hand you've been dealt quite well in my opinion. But I know sometimes that words don't help... It's sometimes knowing you have people who care that does more than anything else. And we all do.

  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I wish I had some answers for you. Sending many hugs and lots of love.