Anxious about school starting...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Mandy, Jul 26, 2009.

  1. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    I am at least! Little Bear is excited to go, but I keep having these flashes of him going into a rage at school. I have already sent in the request for an mult. evaluation to the school so at least they have a heads up.

    I wanted to find out what any of your experiences were if your difficult child did have a meltdown or rage at school. I have been doing a lot of reading and definitly am terrified of having the cops called on a 5yo... if they do that?

    Little Bear's doctor tells me he might suprise us but since he was kicked out of 3 daycare's and 1 private school before I can't help but be very anxious!!
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Mandy}}} I think most of us find school stressful because we just can't count on our kids to hold it together. Have you received any info on when the evaluation will take place?
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Maybe you could ask for a brief introductory meeting with his teacher, the principal and the school psychologist (if they have one) the week before school starts. You could ask then how they would handle any meltdowns so that you know what to expect. It would also give you an opportunity to explain to them any triggers he has, plus any techniques you've found to be successful in helping him either avoid or get through these moments.
  4. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    I just sent the evaluation in last week and we go find out teacher assignments next week! I am glad I am not the only one stressed out!

    Thanks for the advice! I will definitly see who I can get in contact with before school starts!
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good to have requested the evaluation. and definitely try to get a meeting set up with his teachers before school starts. Also besides you meeting with the teachers separately, make sure difficult child meets his teacher as well.
  6. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm trying not to think about it yet. I'm enjoying the "no homework" phase of summer immensely. It took a while to get into the grove/routine and now that we are here I want to hold on to it as long as I can.

    We're here to hold your hand, Mandy. Some of our kids do well with a school routine after an initial period of transition. Thinking positive thoughts for you and LB. Hugs, ML
  7. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    Thanks so much for your responses! It makes me feel good to know I am not alone. I am ready for him to go to get a few hours of peace a day but secretly terrified!!

    Little Bear's principal called and left me a message to call tomorrow to discuss the evaluation request. I am anxious but excited that she is getting with me so quickly! I will let you know how it goes!
  8. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Mandy!

    Raising my hand as a mom who went through school rages. I have a couple suggestions.

    First and foremost, I would meet his teacher. I would imagine that he will have only one main teacher (probably art, pe and music in there somewhere). I would meet with the teacher before school starts to introduce your son - minus your son. Don't give her the worst of it, but don't sugar coat it either.

    Before the meeting, think hard on what the triggers are with your son as well as what has worked in the past to calm or redirect him. When you speak with the teacher, let her know that he is a bright little boy who is experiencing some issues you are having him evaluated for. You have already requested testing through the school.

    Offer her some funny antitodes about your son, some examples of how he learns, and then offer her some insight into his raging. DON'T call it raging though. Rather, let her know that when he gets anxious and frustrated, here are signs (if there are physical signs - there were with my son). Let her know what seems to really redirect or calm your son. For mine at a young age, it was being allowed to go to the reading center in the classroom and look at a book for awhile. Also, feeding the fish or just going to the table with his chair to watch them helped him calm a little. Another thing that really helped was going to see the school nurse. It removed him from a situation that could be volitile and he loved that nurse! Allowing him time to draw also seemed to help.

    It was really important for my son that he was not talked to a lot when he was in a rage - that only made it worse. Rather than taking comfort in the words of a teacher, all he hears was "wa wa wa" (like on Charlie Brown) and it just aggrivated him more. He just needed to shut down for awhile.

    You are not alone in being anxious about school starting. At the height of my son's school ragng (never once did he rage at home!), I lived for Friday afternoon when I would have 2.5 days of not fearing everytime the phone rang!

    Good luck.

  9. Christy

    Christy New Member

    You've gotten some great advice already!

    You are wise to have already put in a request for an evaluation. Also, give staff a heads up on possible trigger and provide suggestions for deescalating a meltdown. Let them know what approaches are likely to yield the best results and what to avoid. Be sure to share many positives things about your child as well!

    I have a raging difficult child and while I can't speak for what might happen in your school, it seems to me that when a child is younger, the school is more likely to deal with rage behaviors themselves rather than call in the police. It's important to find out the school policy on going "hands-on". Can the teacher pull a flailing child in for a "hug" as a way of keeping him from hurting himself or others. Can staff carry your child to escort him to a safe area. Are they trained in using restraint if necessary? Is there a crisis team or a quick way for the teacher to get help to the classroom? Do they have a quiet area where a child can go to safely calm down out of view from his peers?

    Of course you are hoping for the best and there may even be a honeymoon period where it will seem like all this worrying is unnecessary but given difficult child's history, having a plan in place in advance is the best way to help him succeed.

    Best wishes for a great school year,
  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I don't know if this was mentioned?
    But one thing K's teacher and the whole staff, last year really appreciated was the fact that we let them know we would be there to help in any way possible, we would take their recommendations,(with a grain of salt of salt sometimes) we would work with them, we made our presence known in a good and positive way.
    I know some can't be available like we can.
    But any free time you have I would be at the School.
    Even when K or N were driving me crazy I showed how much I loved them. I asked the teacher questions, I let her know anytime something was different or had changed in our house or medication wise. But always in a nice but caring way.

    I checked in at the office as much as I could and asked them how they were, I brought them cookies or baked goods from home...

    The other thing is I make sure that K has a safe place, she can go to the Nurse or the Principal's office or take a walk with the aide. Whenever she is feeling out of sorts to avoid a meltdown.
    Also she and the teacher have a secret sign I think it was raising one finger, in a discrete way, the Teacher would come over to see if she was OK. K liked it because it was her special thing.

    I know not all schools are flexible but you can try.

    Good luck! :)
  11. jcox

    jcox New Member

    I am anxious for school starting too. E will be in 1st grade this year. Last year he was in Kindergarten at the age of 6. When he was 5 I was told by the school, his pediatrician, his counselors, and his preschool teacher that he would be better off having an extra year of preschool and starting a year later. I am sad to say that I don't know what good that did for him except give him another year to learn more because his preschool teacher has taught him more than his kindergarten SPED teacher did.

    He raged often at school last year which led to many trips to the office, 5 suspensions, being sent home early, etc. Finally they put him in a substantially seperate classroom for children with Emotional Disturbance where he did better or atleast they dealt with him a little better. They had a time out area in the classroom and the SPED teacher and class aides are restraint trained. There were also less children so that meant less stimulation. He has always gotten easily overstimulated which leads to some of his rages... although some come on for no appearant reason.

    It sounds like your school district is willing to work with you. They would not give E an IEP until he got suspended and I demanded one in October.
  12. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    Thank you so much for all the great responses! It is less scary hearing that you guys have also been through this!

    Good news~ I talked to his principal today and she seems like a very nice lady willing to help. She asked me to bring in his evaluation next week before school starts and the school psychologist will go over it and give suggestions to his teacher on how to best handle difficult child. She also asked me to come find her and introduce myself & difficult child so she could put faces with our names for the future. It feels really good knowing she wants to start helping him asap!!