Any guess as to why the principal wants to meet with us?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Mar 22, 2010.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Something tells me it's not because difficult child is winning Student of the Year Award. I was told by the principal's secretary that it's about "something that has come up in regard to difficult child."

    We are already mtng with-the teachers for a report card follow up on Wed. so it's not that.

    This is set for Thurs. a.m. husband has to skip a mtng to attend ... alone, just us and Sister JP, the principal.

    The fun never ends.

    This is like waiting for mammogram results.
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2010
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    That makes me angry... if it's important enough to have a meeting then it's important enough to tell you what the problem is now instead of waiting. Grrr. :mad:
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Holy cow!
    These were never good for us. Often something weird and off the wall. Sometimes, they involved anger. Sometimes a teacher was very worried. Sometimes another parent was p.o.'d.
    He is in a parochial school? miss some posts and you don't know what is going on. LOL!
    Sending good thoughts.....Peace be with you! ;)
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yep, parochial school.

    We're guessing it's language or inappropriate behavior or lying. Or all of the above.

    husband is going to try to get it out of difficult child tonight. It's husband's birthday. What a way to celebrate. (Don't worry, he won't shove bamboo shoots up difficult child's fignernails; just the mention of the mtng will be enough to give difficult child an anxiety attack and he'll either bs his way through it or tell the truth. Either way, he'll come up with-a close approximation of what's going on so we won't be totally blindsided when we walk into the mtng.)
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    The major benefit to having a child in college is that I don't have those meetings anymore...hope it isn't as bad as you imagine it is!
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Ditto what Mary said. Ugh.
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    Looking forward to hearing a positive outcome.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree it is incredibly frustrating for them not to tell you what the meeting is about-I hope it goes better than you are expecting. Hugs.
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Geeze, talk about stress induced ulcers.........
  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    That is ridiculous. Why can't they just tell you we need to talk about such and such?
    I would be a wreck!
    Thursday can't come fast enough I am sure. I hope difficult child gives up some info!
  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We had this problem with the local school when difficult child 1 was 6. The school counsellor visited once a fortnight on a Tuesday. I got a phone call one Tuesday telling me that a meeting had been scheduled for me with the school counsellor, a note had been sent home with difficult child 1 to which I had failed to respond (because by the time any notes made it home with difficult child 1, they were papier mache). The teacher said with obvious annoyance that I'd have to wait for the next opportunity (in 2 weeks time) to find out what the meeting was about. I asked, "What is the problem? I really do need to know. I mean, can't you give me a hint? Is he attacking other kids? Stealing? Molesting teachers? Running a protection racket? What? And why can't you tell me? This is ridiculous!"

    I still had to wait.

    In our case the problem was difficult child 1's inability to sit still in class, coupled with other problems which ten years later w were finally to identify as Asperger's. But when I turned up to the meeting, I was definitely ambushed - the school counsellor had done an assessment (without my knowledge or permission) and then used the poor results (because difficult child 1 failed to complete the test, he was too fidgetty, but she scored it as if he had paid full attention and completed it) to browbeat me and attack me for being pushy with easy child but neglectful of difficult child 1. First time I've ever experienced an IQ test used as a weapon. Definitely a blunt instrument!

    What I would have done with hindsight - I would have said, "I thought we were all in agreement that our primary aim is difficult child's welfare. To that end, the more information we all share, as early as possible, is in everyone's best interests. PLaying guessing games and mind games is counterproductive and frankly, inappropriate. Even if you don't know for sure what the problem is specifically and you just have concerns, then darn well say so. 'I have concerns about your son, he doesn't seem to be progressing well and we'd like to talk to you about it.' You don't have to be specific, but you do have to be informative and communicative, to the best of your ability in the situation. After all, you want us to be open and communicative with you. Do us the same courtesy."

    If they protest and say, "But of course we weren't playing mind games, how dare you accuse us of such behaviour!" then the obvious reply is, "What else were we supposed to think? Perhaps you could have made it more clear to your office staff when they rang to set up the meeting. We did ask for more information about the reasons - your office staff should have relayed our concerns to you so you could communicate to us. We have had to re-schedule other responsibilities in order to make this meeting. Of course tis is appropriate if the matter is serious. We have had to assume it is a serious matter; if it turns out to be fairly minor, then husband has cancelled an important meeting at his work, for a triviality at the school that we could have handled without him. THAT is why we need full and frank communication."

    I don't stand for this sort of rubbish any more. Thankfully difficult child 3's current placement is just the opposite - they will call me at the beginning of a concern. Plus they put it up on his file on the school computer, which all teachers have access to. So when I told the school about my breast cancer and the resulting increased anxiety and dropped work output in difficult child 3 - it went on his file. All staff who need to access his file, know about my cancer. I knew this would happen and was OK with it, because they need to know. Although all school staff can access all student files, in practice only the ones dealing with difficult child 3 are likely to. This means that if any teacher is on leave and a substitute is appointed in the meantime, the sub gets immediate access to all info re difficult child 3, so they know right away how we have to work hard to support him and encourage him.

    Maybe they didn't want to tell you in case the info you got was too 'second hand' and distant from the source (so you get the wrong info anyway) or maybe they're not wanting to worry you unduly over something you can't change. Or maybe they just want to hit you with it all at once to gauge your reactions and not give you time to prepare a cop-out answer (as some parents might do).

    As I said, I don't stand for it, even if they believe they have a sound, compassionate (in their mind) reason.

  12. momslove

    momslove Battle Weary

    Excellent advice!

    I would be very put out if we were expected to have a meeting, without knowing beforehand the purpose of it. We had a few of those in the beginning years with our difficult child, and it honestly never occurred to me that I could insist on knowing why it was so important to have a meeting. Back then, we would be told "We'd need to have a meeting with you on x day and y time about difficult child. Can you be here?" husband had a night job at the time, and since it wouldn't cause him to miss work or sleep, we always went, no questions asked. That came to a screeching halt when they wanted to meet 3 times a week, and only rehashed things that had already been discussed at several prior meetings. I guess they thought if they gave us a little time to think it over, we might go along with whatever it was we disagreed on earlier in the week. LOL
  13. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    It's very difficult to be prepared to have a meaningful discussion if you have no idea what it is that will be discussed.
    As you say "it's probably not student of the year" award.
    Sorry, I sure don't miss those phonecalls.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sigh. Thank you all.

    Marg, LOL! (because by the time any notes made it home with difficult child 1, they were papier mache).
    Too true!

    Your answer is great. But since we only have one more day to wait, and another mtng tomorrow, I'll hang in there. I'm pretty prepared for whatever Sister JP throws my way. This will also be a good opportunity to give Sr info on how difficult child and other teachers react (she may want to pick our brains about the teachers, you know, since Aspies are NOT their strong suit) and to see whether it's worth it to keep that info on their web page. I've got my own agenda, too ... ;)
  15. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Perhaps this school should rename itself Our Lady Of Perpetual Suffering, just saying.....
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    We need an emotiocon for "Blind Sided Parent". :(

    Parocial or Public ... "team work" only seems to apply to sports!

    Hopefully it is something of no import. Fingers crossed. DDD
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Woo hoo! It was a non sequitur. I'll post a new thread.