Any Idea what this is? Up, down syndrome.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Sep 12, 2010.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I'm not sure what anyone else calls a stressful week. But I was reminded today that when we don't share these troubles in our lives with our friends it bottles up inside us like a fizzy, exploding coke AND it can hurt our friends who think we trust them with helping us when things are tough in our lives. So here goes - and yeah this is just a week. Seven measly days. I'm thinking - you're thinking "Well Star, unplug the phone, or block the calls."

    Part of me rifles through that file box of a brain and says "Would this be the advice I'd give to someone knowing they had a child with the emotional stability of Dudes? Not an other-worldly, manipulative child - but I don't even know if this kid at 20 has the emotional capacity of a 14 year old, or less. I think SSI did him a blatent injustice in denying him - I know that much. That he's not on drugs is a miracle, and that he's so narcissistic and intelligent/clever did not weigh in his favor at testing. I almost feel like telling him to take the test again and completely Forest Gump it.

    So Tuesday - Him and daughter (Daddy Disney henceforce known as S for Satan) got into an argument when S took Dudes money for the light bill and cracked it up. Apparently S also made lude, rude and provocative, disgusting comments while D was at the convenient mart to D's girlfriend. S entered D's room said things to the young lady. Young lady left the house crying and met D on the way out saying his Father was a pig. In the mean time next day? The lights got cut off. That meant the air too.

    This lead to a verbal assault, S telling D to leave. D left, then S rifled through D's belongings took anything of value and when D got back to the house - his pup was cowering in a corner, his things were stolen and D flipped out, got his dog, took S's door off the hinges got his stuff back, and moved.

    S being the person he is threatened to kill (literally) D. So D went back to the house to confront S about the stolen money, the dog, his stuff. S was gone, and in the mean time called the police and had a restraining order placed against D. O.M.G are you kidding me? In the mean time - D is homeless, has no job. Has no real friends to move in with. Calls girlfriend and she says come stay here for a little bit.
    Landlord says NO pitbull - I get a call begging me to take my Granddog. And telling me S is going to slit his throat. Kill the dog. Oh joy.

    Next day I get a text message asking me - HOW EXCITED would you be to wake up tomorrow and find out you are a grandma? (oh insert the joy here)

    Next day I get a text message saying he's going to kill himself. His life is in ruins. He hates himself. He's a screw up. He's really going to do it.

    Next day I get a text message saying he's getting married at the courthouse, true love, and he's never been happier.

    Today I get a text asking me to send train ticket so he can come home, turn himself in, go to prison so he doesn't kill himself, go to jail for hurting S, and his life is a complete messup, can he move in with this person I know that person? My family hates him - he's going to take pills, he's going to do this, he is going to do it that way....and this went on via text all day long roughly.

    So there in a nutshell for anyone wondering -

    I have no idea what is going through his mind. To me he sounds Bi-Polar but if he is cycling that rapidly......I just have never heard of anyone like that. Up, down, Up, down. I asked him to go to the hospital or counseling -----of course that got no response. I asked him to call a board friend - that got no response. I asked him to call me - NOPE. Texting only. Just weird. i asked him to send me a picture because I even got suspicious that it may be S with the phone - he sent a picture of him and the pup. So I don't know.

    Any ideas? Yeah - this is six days in my life...and add on top of that - DF, his pain, his ooohh.....owwww, I can't do that, his loss of hearing.....OH MY GOD please give him back his hearing. I can't do the mynah bird thing one more time. I can't. I can't I can't. Him forgetting things, over and over and over. Ahhhhh. (I love methadone) and then me being frustrated, trying to talk to DF and him going "What, what did you say? I'm sorry I can't hear you? WHAT?" so I talk louder and he says "YOU DON"T HAVE TO YELL." I've never bought street drugs but I swear I'm going out looking for Klonopin...I'm down to my last 2 and out of
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Star...hugs. Wish I could do more.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    *insert smiley with the eyes that bug waaaay out* (we really need that back by the way)

    Starbie I wish I had the answers. Bipolar? Maybe.......but I don't really think so. Dude was the victim of S during his most impressionable years. That leaves a lasting mark on even the strongest of personalities. That Dude has turned out as well as he has it in my opinion a credit to YOUR strength in character/personality and parenting. If he hadn't had that......well honestly he might have even given S a run for his money.

    And although Dude chose to put himself into the position, he is once again caught up in the victim role with S. Ok so he fights back......and yet walks right back into it = victim. Once you get caught back up into the loop it can be mighty mighty hard to break free. Sounds like he's trying, but he keeps falling short.

    As to the confused text the way which have some resemblance to K's....... he's lost, confused......he wants to do better, but it feels like the whole world is against him (even if he did it himself) he wants to get his life back on track......then is overwhelmed by what it will take to do that........Then guessing the girlfriend dropped the by the way I'm preggers bomb on him.......throwing him into yet another tailspin cuz OMG HE"S gonna be the DAD......and what sorry *ss sort of dad is he gonna be for his kid when he's messed up his own life so horribly before it really even got started........

    You get the idea. Yup. I think he's big time lost. Bouncing from panic to being overwhelmed to trying to find his way out of being lost. And because he can't seem to find his way it just keeps getting worse. The longer he is with S the worse it will get.

    Very similar to K. We can only offer minimal help for fear they'll stomp all over us. Which basically leaves them alone. It hoovers to the max........but we can't change that.

    I'll be honest.....deep inside is still that Mom instinct screaming at me to get K and the kids here and get them out of the horrid position they're in. I'm ignoring it, and I'm sure you are too. And I seriously hope it's a false alarm with the preggers deal, because innocent children put a whole new spin on everything and make it a million times harder to say NO.

    There are moments when I wish K would show up so I can just smack the snot out of her and ask her just how utterly stupid can she possibly be? I mean c'mon.....seriously? Your husband plasters nude pics of himself online....can't keep a job to save his life......has you living in motels with 3 kids for years and years......and you're sitting going hungry without a thing to your name in a shelter in the middle of a strange city where you know no one at all........and you can't possibly see what is soooooo WRONG with that picture??:mad::mad: There is much more but I'm not going to hijack your post. lol But yeah......K is not stupid by a long shot except when it comes to this person. And the past months she can't even keep her lies straight.....sooo phhht. (not about the homeless part but how they're getting money for things)

    And you know what? K doesn't even have the excuse of having an S as a parent. *sigh*

    I wish I had some answers. But the best I've managed to come up with is a plan that will help me keep my sanity and be able to live with mysel

    The number of males who tend to go on to live *normal* lives after such severe abuse is greatly smaller than females.....which of course isn't large to begin with. Heck in my own family I'm the only 1 out of 5.......and I spent at least half of my childhood away from the situation. And the children/grandchildren of those other 4.......make my difficult children look like absolute angels.:whiteflag: The cycle perpetuates itself.

    And yeah I know you know this........but sometimes we need a nudge to remind us of what we already know. My gut tells me that deep down Dude is a great guy and has many of his mother's qualities. Mental illness? I don't know. Considering the hades you and he me too much of that is entangled in things to ever really be certain. I think Dude wants to change, I just think he doesn't know how to change.........and he's afraid he will never be able to change.

    I'm not making excuses for Dude any more than I would with K. They each still have to want it bad enough to make it happen. answers. lol I can go round and round with this just on K I think it is because I threw off the victim role and refuse to ever put it back on again, and now it makes it difficult for me to understand why someone else stays in the groove. Sort of like an ex smoker not being able to understand why others can't quit like they did. :tongue:


    P.S. I hope girlfriend is NOT preggers........and our Dude is still in my prayers as always, as are you.
  4. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Wowsa! I am near to speechless Star. I don't even know what to say, to suggest, to think. What a week - that comes to mind! Regardless of if Dude's g/f is pregnant or not, he really has to make a major change in his thinking. S is going to be the ruin of him. I truly wish Dude would relocate somewhere, anywhere, away from S. It seems Dude keeps getting sucked into S's underworld and it is a vicious cycle for him. If he can't remain near to S and move on without S in his life, I really hope Dude decides to up stakes and go somewhere that S is no longer part of his world. I wish he could/would just move somewhere new, find a job (any job), a cheap apartment he can maintain over the long haul, and figure out for himself that life may be boring if the job doesn't pay well and he just covers expenses, but it sure beats the not as boring existence that is his in the realm of S (S = Super Evil). Argh!

    As for you Miss Thang, I dont' know how you do it sometimes. Yet you do. Somehow you are always back and witty and charming as all get out and finding a way to keep on keeping on. We are all proud of you I'm sure! Sending you some good juju and warm thoughts. I do hope things quiet down for you and that you get a break from the madness. (((hugs)))
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Whew. What a whirlwind rollercoaster. I don't have much to add .. but wanted you to know I was thinking of you.
  6. MrsMcNear50

    MrsMcNear50 New Member


    Wish I had great words of wisdom, but all I can offer is prayers for you both. I'm getting the same kinds of texts from SB these days, so can feel your pain. You've been down this road before, haven't we all, so just hold on. Keep us posted.

    Love and Blessings,

  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Star - go to and print their free card. then use the medication pricing thingy on the home page - in my area 120 2mg klonopin generic are $15.91 using this card. At a locally owned pharmacy. Then call your doctor and say I have NO insurance and need this refilled with-o an office visit, please please please. Explain the ohter hardships, such as a disabled husband. doctor is likely to do it, esp if it is a doctor that knows you.

    Hope this helps. Love you. Sorry about Dude. Wish i had help or advice. I hope girlfriend isn't preg and Dude isn't married. Two wrongs done make a right, just like two left turns just mean you are going in exactly the opposite direction as when you started out and wanted to turn right. Sooner or later Dude should mature enough to have a better grasp of how to do right, but his brain isn't done growing yet, and the influence of S is just holding him back. I really admire the way you let him go to meet/visit/live/stay with S, knowing that D had to make his own decisions. Not sure I could step that far back. Heck, it has taken me 2 decades to act to keep gfgbro out of my life. 2 decades of tdocs telling me he is toxic and not going to change. I am a lot slower on this stuff, and truly admire the way you are still there for Dude, even after he went to S's, begged to come home and you paid for the return, and then he went back there again. He is one lucky difficult child to have you for a mom.

    I don't think cutting off communication with-him is right. Not when all he has is S, S's family which is just as bad or far worse, and the possibly preggo girlfriend. He needs at least one person on his side, even if it is from far away.

    Love and hugs to you, df and D, along with my furnephews and furnieces.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Dude is not emotionally stable...understatement. He can present as stable on occasions. You've made Herculean efforts over the years to get help for him. Unfortunately, the experts you turned to never seemed to come up with a diagnosis that you all could pursue. My hope is that somehow, somewhere, someway he will be accurately evaluated as an adult. It must be scarey to be Dude. I'm really sorry that it is also so scarey for you. Hugs. DDD
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im not convinced he is bipolar or not, but I am sure he has some extreme emotional baggage from his childhood. That has to have left him with some form of personality disorder. I would bet my left arm on it. (I need my right one) He could be a combination of several of them. Knowing some of the stuff you have told me, I can make an educated guess. He also has some serious genetic issues that add in to his problems. Sperm donor is satan and that is obviously serious psychopothy. Who really knows what that mans true mental health diagnosis would be besides sociopath. His whole family is nuts.

    Dude could have so much genetic junk in him. Just like me. Then you add in the twisted childhood and you get a mess. Its like take vinegar, take baking soda...put in blender...oh gosh...dont look now!

    I think that is the way for so many people. We have genetic dispositions for things. Then something happens that may not have set off other people (or may have) but it does for us. Or others may have been able to learn to deal with the issues with just some help but we cant. It takes us to the extreme. And then you get the people with mental health issues or personality disorders. I dont know...just my thoughts.
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Wow, Star. I'm sorry this week has been so rough.

    If it makes you feel any better, difficult child 1 and easy child 1 were both texters. Its how they "talk". I always figured it to at least be a line of communication.

    I wish I had answers for you. All I can do is offer a prayer and texting thumbs...
  11. Bean

    Bean Member

    Oh hon.

    His texts sound like my daughter's texts. So, I don't know what to say about that. I don't know his history, but I know it isn't the same as my daughter's. For what that's worth.

    My daughter has been out since Saturday. Here's a sampling of her texts/Facebook postings:

    I'm going to kill myself. Goodbye.
    I'm going to starve, nice job.
    Can you buy me some boots?
    Jesus is amazing; God is good always.
    You hate me.
    I'm going to finish my GED.
    I'm saying 'goodbye' to all my friends and killing myself this week.
    I think my boyfriend is trying to impregnate me; can I harm a baby if I'm drinking before I get pregnant?

    I'm never talking to you again, enjoy your life.
    When is my doctor's appointment? Will you buy me a pair of boots?

    Normal? Rapid cycling? I seriously have no clue. But they sound semi-similar to your son's.