Any success stories?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksprincess, Dec 28, 2009.

  1. ksprincess

    ksprincess KSPrincess

    Are there any success stories out there? My difficult child is 18 today. His diagnosis is ADHD/ODD and bi-polar. He won't take his bi-polar medications. He smokes pot, drinks, has stolen from us and is on probation for destruction of property and disturbing the peace (which, of course, is all our fault for calling the police in the first place). He has at least gotten his GED, but absolutely refuses to get a job.

    He is breaking all of his conditions of probation and has a meeting with his probation officer tomorrow. My husband is probably going to meet with the P.O. today to let her know everything our difficult child has been doing since their last meeting. It is so frustrating. People keep saying...oh, he'll turn out just've raised him right and he'll turn around. I don't believe it. I see no light at the end of the tunnel at all.

    Is there hope?
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wont say success stories but they sure can change from age 18 to their mid twenties. When my son was 18, I could have written your post. Today, he is so much better.

    Its still a day to day thing. He is still bipolar, he still wont take medications, he still smokes pot from time to time but he lives on his own, pays his own way and loves us all. He has a little girl that we adore. She is actually dancing around my living room right

    18 to 21 were really hard. Its been better since he turned 23.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Success to a Warrior Mom is much different than success to a easy child mom.

    I think we all hold our breathe for many, many years. No matter how good one difficult child might be doing, I can guarantee you there is a Warrior Parent just crossing their fingers.

    We let go of alot. Expectations are lowered. I figure as long as my child is still speaking to me at 30 (and I wish to speak to her), I have reached success.

    Yes, there are many stories here that I would consider success. It is difficult to consider it success at 18. Too much teenager stuff still in the mix.
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Does it get better, YES! Is it perfect? NO. My son is now 22. He is much easier to deal with these days than he was. Things do get better. My suggestion is to let natural consequences take over. Learn to love him in spite of his behavior. Don't rescue him from his consequences. Detach...detach...detach.
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    My kids are autistic, not bipolar. But I have a friend whose husband developed bipola and then later had a major psychotic episode. He refused to take medications, he became dangerously paranoid, he finally tried to kill her numerous times and she had to go into hiding. She finally decided to divorce him (reluctantly) but felt that trying to kill her was a deal-breaker. They had two kids, she was awarded sole custody. She actually put in place supervised visitation with their father, even though she didn't have to.
    As time went on he became more stable, he began to be reliable with taking his medications. Both remarried but because the biomum was working to maintain good relationships with the kids, she ended up on good terms with her exH and his new wife. He would often take the kids for holidays (the new wife was sufficient supervision for the biomum).

    Go on a few more years, biomum is getting married again (we won't talk about husband no 2 - that is an episode best ignored). First husband and wife not only were invited to the wedding but he got up and spoke about how happy for her he was. They also stayed the night before with the newlyweds, in the home he had previously owned with biomum.

    I've met him since - he's really in control of his condition now. On medications, needing ongoing psychiatric support, but back working in his area of expertise. No psychotic episodes for decades now, but he is taking care of himself.

    As for my own kids - difficult child 1 got married just over a year ago and although they're struggling financially, they are very happy. easy child 2/difficult child 2 got married a few months ago and right now they're weathering some nasty storms also, not of their making. I am blown away sometimes by the increase in their maturity.

    Sometimes with the difficult kids (and I include my friend's exH in this) they have to hit rock bottom by themselves thne find their own way back by themselves. The longer you struggle and fight with them to oversee their health care, the longer it takes for them to take personal responsibility and to learn how to manage themselves.

    In the meantime, it gets nasty.

  6. ksprincess

    ksprincess KSPrincess

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I really appreciate your responses. I know I'm not going to end up with a easy child, but when people say "he'll turn out fine", they truly don't know the half of it when it comes to living with an ADHD/ODD/ bi-polar child. You guys DO know. Thank you for your encouragement, it means the world to me.

    difficult child hasn't been around since Sunday night so he missed his meeting with the P.O. She is giving him the opportunity to meet with her this afternoon or on Tuesday if he chooses to show up. Otherwise, his probation revocation hearing is set for next Wednesday. Unfortunately, ever since we called the police last November, this whole ordeal has cost us --the victims-- hundreds of dollars. If the revocation hearing happens on Wednesday we will request to be released from responsibility since he's now 18 and all other court costs due will be his responsibility.

    Thank you again.
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    You've taught him to tread water; you've taught him to backstroke; you've taught him to swim. That's all you can do.

    Sometimes it takes the middle of the lake for them to realize now's the time to start.

    Sending prayers.
  8. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I just have to reply my thoughts to this.

    I would like to say they are ALL success stories. WE made it. Lol.

    No, meaning we have dealt with this their entire life. Very difficult. But eventually the kids have to learn. Maybe the hard way. Whether or not they take the path we would choose is not whether they are successful or not. I honestly believe that each and every one will be a success story. But for now...WE need the support.
  9. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Hi and welcome to the site.

    There's a thread in the archives pertaining to Success Stories. I think it would be in the General Archives.

    There were times that my definition of "success" was getting through the next hour, or the day, then the week. Things are definately much better now, but our story isn't finished.

    Again, welcome.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have a twenty-five year old daughter. As a teenager (and we're talking starting at twelve years old) She took drugs, including trying heroin. Yes, you can try heroin and not become addicted. But she was a meth addict. She always had a good heart, but during her drug days, she didn't listen to us AT ALL. She would sneak out of the house. She was on parole twice but it never stopped her from doing drugs. She lied while looking us straight in the eyes. Fast foward to 2010...

    This same daughter is a boring housewife and in college. She just bought a house with her boyfriend of eight years. She is completely clean. She is into natural foods, supplements and organics. She is at the top of her class and wants to be a pastry chef. She works at the college that she attends and has a full schedule and looks back at kids who party and do drugs as "immature. They never grew up."

    She is a wonderful young lady and we get along great. She is sweet and loving and wonderful big sister to my other daughter and my younger son.
    There is really no difficult child left in her. So it can happen :D
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My son, Wiz, is a success to us. He is 18, a high school graduate, will finish a technical course in May. He is mostly easy child, has a nice girlfriend and is managing to navigate life with my parents (his and their choice to have him live there). He could not be safe with us until he no longer lived with us. He IS a very sweet young man, with interesting dreams.

    My brother is also mostly a difficult child success. He became an alcoholic at 12.Was very abuse, still is sometimes - mostly only to me. He is a good father and ex husband. Got sober over 5 yrs ago (WAY over) and mostly we can have a good relationship. It is vastly better than I had any idea it could be.