Tis summer again, which means easy child 2 is here half the time. She's back at her mom's this week, and hopefully her granda sent her to summer school. We will see. Anyway, my question is about her weight and clothing choices. She is very overweight. Carries it all in her middle. Even when she stands up straight, she has 4 rolls. Her weight and her health concern me, but there is little I can do while she lives the majority of the time at her mom's/grandma's. She is somewhat shy and has few friends. We're starting to see an increase in desire for attention from boys, and she dresses to catch their attention - or try - and unfortunately this is in the skimpiest things she can find. Mom/grandma encourage this. *** We've not made issue of it, we just make things disappear as they become too small/tight. This weekend, tho, I heard several snickers from girls her age at the pool about her in her bikini. And it really is pretty bad. I don't want to give her a bad body image, but on the same note, she wants friends and has none, but she's not helping her cause any by dressing like she does...especially the beach wear (which she will then wear with no cover-up for the remainder of the day, whether she's swimming or at a beach or not). Not that body type or clothes should matter, but we're talking 11 year old girls here... *** Is this something we should address with her, let it go, or just say our religion is against bikinis (or, she's lost the bottoms to 3 bikinis last summer, feasibly could say "can't keep track, must gon one piece...")? I gained 15 pounds this past winter and she and I went swim suit shopping. She pointed out bikinis for me and I tried hinting that I don't have a bikini body again yet, not til I lose my 15 pounds, at least, so I needed something to cover up my extra pounds for a while, looked at tankini's and one piece suits, hoping she'd follow suit, but no luck...she went for strings and triangles but thankfully didn't like anything she tried, so didn't buy anything, but still wearing last year's. *** *** My other question is...wee difficult child has no contact to his bio dad. He calls husband "dad". He also knows he has another dad, but doesn't understand all the mechanics of it. When we run into old friends of husband's, they often ask about wee difficult child (he's almost always with us). They'll ask "is this your boy" and husband is not comfortable answering with just a "yes" simply because most people know difficult child's bio dad, too, and he doesn't want to confuse the issue. But he doesn't like saying "he's not really mine, but I am raising him" either, because that makes difficult child ask questions and feel bad that husband isn't really his daddy. Any thoughts on a good answer to that question? Would saying "he was born a <bio-name> but he's mine now" be stupid, crude, or misleading? (wee difficult child uses both last names, hyphenated sort of way - his choice).