Any Warrior Moms Reading Right Now? Need Some Quick Help...

[DammitJanet]

Patricia, I did go over their heads when things got past the locals ability to help my son. I called and emailed the head of the Dept of Health and Human Services for NC. My son was 12 or 13 I believe. I had looked everywhere I could and had found a program that I thought would help him but no one was letting him in so I went over their heads to force them to get him in. After my email, he was in that program within a month. It was a good program...nothing is perfect.

I have had a huge history with behavior charts. Everywhere. I think for every kid and even me..lol. I almost cried when they sent one home with Keyana! When I started with my newest therapist I told him if he even thought about a behavior chart I would walk out the door...lol.

 

[DaisyFace]

Wonder what would have happened if you'd said No I won't do the behavior chart. This is so far past behavior chart that we are talking about my daughter having her brother's blood on her hands. Are you prepared to take responsibility for that? Patricia

Patricia--

Last year, the therapist we were working with started with a Behavior Chart. And it was a kindergarten level chart - your average 5 year old could have completed all the tasks. After several months of difficult child stubbornly refusing to cooperate, the therapist reversed her position and advised us to give difficult child lots of rewards regardless of behavior. (You may recall that she even suggested we try buying difficult child a horse!)

Well, after getting back all of her priviledges, the very first thing that difficult child did was log on to some internet chat room and strike up a conversation with a 20-something - and they discussed the Behavior Chart and whether or not I should be poisoned for trying to implement it!!!!

How do I know this? Because the keylogger on our computer recorded every word.

And when the Caseworker first suggested we try a Behavior Chart and suggested it was just the thing - I pulled out the transcript of that conversation - and told her that THIS was the result of last year's Behavior Chart.

And much good it did because here we are....

 

[AnnieO]

Have difficult child taste everything you eat before you do...

Hmm. "difficult child will taste all meals before anyone else in the house eats"???

No, that won't work........

 

[DammitJanet]

DF...did you remember to put on the chart that difficult child will wear clean undies 5 out of 7 days per week? LOL

 

[rlsnights]

It is incredibly frustrating for every new face to want to start all over in the same place no matter what you say. And if you won't then you are accused of being uncooperative or worse. I am so totally there with you.

That's why I have worked so hard to find really good providers for all of us that we stay with through thick and thin. There is nothing that can take the place of longevity when it comes to getting professional medical/psychiatric support and guidance, particularly when you need their support with people at school or juvie where you have no choices about who you work with and what they know.

I don't think there's anything scarier to me than the idea that I would have to change my son's psychiatrist or health care team that have been in place for 4 years now.

 

[TerryJ2]

DF, what was her reaction when you showed her the chat room print out?

 

[timer lady]

I hate behavior charts ~ it's insulting to the parent. Our little wonders decide what they will/will not comply with for what reward they may or may not want. wm was infamous for negotiating for his reward early; the turd promised he would be "good" if he could get the reward early. Suffice it to say, that didn't happen.

School store is another issue altogether. kt & wm came home with their points purchase & it ended up on the floor. It was "****". I suggested to staff at school that they put books, sketch books, cool pencils but not goofy toys. wm's weekly purchase became the "icon of the day" & he lost interest until someone else picked it up ~ rages always ensued. kt would throw hers in the trash.

I know that the psychiatric & school community are trying to find a way to measure & justify treatment options & the like. The kids know & manipulate the system. We're not dealing with a bunch of "yahoos".

Add to the above, is the fact that if a difficult child is at the point where he/she doesn't care; doesn't or isn't able (for whatever reason) to achieve the goal it's suggested that we lower the outcome. How is that pushing our difficult children to move forward.

I remember one goal for wm - you will pee in the toilet (not on the wall) 5 out of 7 days a week. That's not a goal ~ that's an expectation!

It's an insulting option for children over the age of 5.