Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Anybody have any inspiring stories?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 694525" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi Katie and welcome - </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry you've had to go the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) route. I can share a good outcome, but .... it took my son well past your daughter's age to get it together.</p><p></p><p>My challenging kid was challenging from about 18 months. It progressed to really breath-taking violence, both here and at school. I won't rehash it all - I suspect you know how horrific it was around here.</p><p></p><p>Long story short, he left home at age 9 and returned at age 20. Three RTCs, 1 transitional living program (supposed to teach life skills, but.... it was a terrible program), I stopped counting hospitalizations at 25 (I think he got above 30, all said and done), high school drop out, drugs, living on street, lost Residential Treatment Center (RTC) funding at age 18, no contact with him by his choice for about 6 months immediately following turning 18, during which time I was just waiting for a call from Chicago coroner.... by far the darkest time for us, not that the preceding years were terribly light, LOL.</p><p></p><p>But.... the light bulb went off for him at around age 20 and he was willing to come home and follow rules (no violence, no drugs, no sex in house, get a job and/or go to school). I did not make therapy/medication a condition - I figured after 16 years of therapy, it had either sunk in or not. And I was not willing to be the medication police. Basically, he had to be a functional human being. And he was....</p><p></p><p>He got his GED and then started community college. Things got a bit derailed when his girlfriend committed suicide when he was 21... a heck of a trauma for all of us, but understandably it just devastated him. But... he stayed off of street drugs, and eventually went back to school to become an EMT. Even went back to therapy and did medications for a while. </p><p></p><p>He's 25 now. He is an EMT, planning on going back to get his paramedic license this fall. He is an absolute delight - truly. Still living at home, paying off some debts from a couple of abortive attempts at living on his own between age 21 and 23, but.... he is unrecognizable compared to who he was 15 years ago. The violence hasn't been an issue since about age 16 (though I must admit, I'm really not sure what went on when he was living on the streets). He is a contributing member of society. He is responsible. He is incredibly loving to his family. He has come so much farther than we ever expected.</p><p></p><p>A very wise therapist told us a long long time ago that my son would only change his behavior when it became too expensive for him to stay the way he was. Unfortunately, my kiddo had a really *huge* budget when it came to misery. Being in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was nothing for him. No big deal. </p><p></p><p>We worked hard to maintain contact through all of his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) settings, but there also came a time when I said enough was enough - no more "family therapy", no more putting up with his abuse during a visit, I was done. Therapy with siblings stopped when he was about 13 due to some really abusive behavior from my son towards his sibs.... I stopped the family therapy with parents on one of his last admissions (I think he was 17) - enough was enough. And as terrified as I was (we're talking I cried daily for over 6 months, no joke) about his chances of survival once he hit 18, I wasn't willing to sacrifice my other kids just to have him home. </p><p></p><p>Honestly, I did not expect him to survive to this age, much less be thriving - with appropriate social relationships and a good job where he is very respected. But he has. Best of all is he is loving and sweet and just a miracle as far as I'm concerned. </p><p></p><p>It is a very long road. Thirteen is still so young, and of course it's concerning that she's being discharged due to insurance issues as opposed to real progress. My best advice would be consistency, boundaries, follow through (especially on violence - that is such a hot button for me - any violence whatsoever should result in 911 call with request to transport mentally ill child for psychiatric evaluation (as opposed to arrest)), a safety plan for everyone in the family, therapy for daughter, as many extracurricular activities as possible, mentoring for her, respite for you, etc. I hope Residential Treatment Center (RTC) has done discharge planning with your family including these issues. I would also see if there is any state funding for services - dept. of mental health, etc. You have an at-risk kiddo - call everyone.</p><p></p><p>She had a lousy start to life, probably has some inherited issues as well as environmental from bio-mom. She needs supports, but at the same time you have the absolute right to feel safe in your own home. It's a very fine line to walk.... but I firmly believe that there is hope where there is life. I think some of our kids take longer to "cook." You may have a few more rocky years, but you might also not... impossible to predict. All of our kids are different.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 694525, member: 8"] Hi Katie and welcome - I'm so sorry you've had to go the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) route. I can share a good outcome, but .... it took my son well past your daughter's age to get it together. My challenging kid was challenging from about 18 months. It progressed to really breath-taking violence, both here and at school. I won't rehash it all - I suspect you know how horrific it was around here. Long story short, he left home at age 9 and returned at age 20. Three RTCs, 1 transitional living program (supposed to teach life skills, but.... it was a terrible program), I stopped counting hospitalizations at 25 (I think he got above 30, all said and done), high school drop out, drugs, living on street, lost Residential Treatment Center (RTC) funding at age 18, no contact with him by his choice for about 6 months immediately following turning 18, during which time I was just waiting for a call from Chicago coroner.... by far the darkest time for us, not that the preceding years were terribly light, LOL. But.... the light bulb went off for him at around age 20 and he was willing to come home and follow rules (no violence, no drugs, no sex in house, get a job and/or go to school). I did not make therapy/medication a condition - I figured after 16 years of therapy, it had either sunk in or not. And I was not willing to be the medication police. Basically, he had to be a functional human being. And he was.... He got his GED and then started community college. Things got a bit derailed when his girlfriend committed suicide when he was 21... a heck of a trauma for all of us, but understandably it just devastated him. But... he stayed off of street drugs, and eventually went back to school to become an EMT. Even went back to therapy and did medications for a while. He's 25 now. He is an EMT, planning on going back to get his paramedic license this fall. He is an absolute delight - truly. Still living at home, paying off some debts from a couple of abortive attempts at living on his own between age 21 and 23, but.... he is unrecognizable compared to who he was 15 years ago. The violence hasn't been an issue since about age 16 (though I must admit, I'm really not sure what went on when he was living on the streets). He is a contributing member of society. He is responsible. He is incredibly loving to his family. He has come so much farther than we ever expected. A very wise therapist told us a long long time ago that my son would only change his behavior when it became too expensive for him to stay the way he was. Unfortunately, my kiddo had a really *huge* budget when it came to misery. Being in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was nothing for him. No big deal. We worked hard to maintain contact through all of his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) settings, but there also came a time when I said enough was enough - no more "family therapy", no more putting up with his abuse during a visit, I was done. Therapy with siblings stopped when he was about 13 due to some really abusive behavior from my son towards his sibs.... I stopped the family therapy with parents on one of his last admissions (I think he was 17) - enough was enough. And as terrified as I was (we're talking I cried daily for over 6 months, no joke) about his chances of survival once he hit 18, I wasn't willing to sacrifice my other kids just to have him home. Honestly, I did not expect him to survive to this age, much less be thriving - with appropriate social relationships and a good job where he is very respected. But he has. Best of all is he is loving and sweet and just a miracle as far as I'm concerned. It is a very long road. Thirteen is still so young, and of course it's concerning that she's being discharged due to insurance issues as opposed to real progress. My best advice would be consistency, boundaries, follow through (especially on violence - that is such a hot button for me - any violence whatsoever should result in 911 call with request to transport mentally ill child for psychiatric evaluation (as opposed to arrest)), a safety plan for everyone in the family, therapy for daughter, as many extracurricular activities as possible, mentoring for her, respite for you, etc. I hope Residential Treatment Center (RTC) has done discharge planning with your family including these issues. I would also see if there is any state funding for services - dept. of mental health, etc. You have an at-risk kiddo - call everyone. She had a lousy start to life, probably has some inherited issues as well as environmental from bio-mom. She needs supports, but at the same time you have the absolute right to feel safe in your own home. It's a very fine line to walk.... but I firmly believe that there is hope where there is life. I think some of our kids take longer to "cook." You may have a few more rocky years, but you might also not... impossible to predict. All of our kids are different. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Anybody have any inspiring stories?
Top