Anybody seen my husband's frontal lobe anywhere?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by gcvmom, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Because I could swear he must've left it someplace.This past week he has been unusually careless in his choice of words and he has said some pretty hurtful things that were clearly not well thought out in terms of impact on others or even accuracy. Tuesday he started telling difficult child 2 and I about his mother's wish for one of our kids to come spend a day with her and possibly spend the night. And in the same breath he turned to difficult child 2 and said, "Oh yeah, but she said probably not you because she can't control you and you get too wild for her."difficult child 2 and I just looked at him and then at each other with the same shocked expression. I said I couldn't believe he could say something like that OUT LOUD to difficult child 2, and did he realize how mean that was to say? And how could his MOTHER say such a thing? Then I reminded him that it was his MOTHER who was out of control the last time she was asked to take care of the kids (four years ago when husband had brain surgery) and she got mad at difficult child 2 for talking back and slapped him (he was just barely 11 at the time)! We came in the house to a hysterically sobbing boy (it had just happened) who wanted his grandparents to just leave and never come back, and a flustered and indignant senior citizen who promptly left the next day (THANK GOD). But I digress. difficult child 2 asked what she was basing her comment on and husband said well that's how you used to be and difficult child 2 yells "Well I'm not like that anymore!!! Geez, Dad!!!" :angrydude:

    Then tonight he came home from work and he's upstairs lying in bed, eating dinner, playing spider solitaire and listening to me tell him about my day when he said something about something easy child did to him this week. She's starting to try to manipulate him and play for more time when she's asked to do some job or chore by him to avoid doing it altogether. I made a comment about the behavior being manipulative and he says, "She's just like her mom." I'm thinking WTF? I demanded to know what he meant by that because I am the most UNmanipulative person he knows! I do not coerce him, I do not bribe him, I do not trick or cajole him. If I want him to do something I ask. If I don't want to do something I say so. He starts turning it into a conversation about SEX (because apparently he's not getting what he wants right now) and somehow I'm a manipulator because he's not getting what he wants from me. :grrr: It dawns on me he's just talking out of his ä$$ again, but dang it is MADDENING!!! He is an intelligent person, but lately his brain is NOT working.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Gee, talking to you like that is a good way to get what he wants? How does that work?

    Sheesh. I'll let you know if I find it...
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Stress? Male menopause?? Just a general need to open their mouths and insert their feet? Dunno but it drove me nuts when husband would do it.

  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I guarantee you it's not around my house. If it were I'd try to implant it in difficult child to replace what was removed years ago, lol. Meanwhile I never cease to be amazed at how husband's go through stages of major strangeness. Hugs DDD
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well its not here but I think all of them have taken a major jump off a cliff this year. If I had life insurance on Tony I might be tempted to push him off a cliff if there happened to be one around here. He might be lucky we live in the flat lands. All I could manage would be a skinned knee.
  6. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Nope, not here in the frontal lobe desert!
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    And today, he's blowing up my phone with texts still insisting I'M the one with the problem! And he STILL has not acknowledged that his comments were hurtful to me. Everything out of his mouth criticizing me is a reflection of himself -- it's crazy that he doesn't get it and I feel like there's just no point in trying to even have a discussion about this. At least not right now!

    Seriously, how can you insult someone and expect them to feel affectionate towards you? What is WRONG with him?!
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have issues with this myself. Are you sure he isnt borderline? He sounds like he is pushing you away because he is feeling insecure about himself so he wants to be the first one to insult you because he figures you are just going to say no and get mad anyway so he might as well get you mad so he has a reason to say "yeah, see, she is always mad at me!"
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    It's definitely not here. In fact, we seem to be a bit short on the frontal lobe dept around here, too.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I wonder about that Janet. He has a history of sabotaging behaviors in our relationship. He wants attention and affection from me so badly, but he invariably says something rude or horribly nagging and insulting that pushes me away. Then he thinks he has to jump through hoops by doing chores around the house or buying me gifts (though he can't afford to do that anymore) to get back in my good graces. I try to explain every time that he just has to behave and be nice and we'd get along just fine, but he doesn't ever seem to get it. I mean, chores are something he should be doing as a matter of living here, not because he thinks he'll get something in return for it. THAT is manipulation, in my humble opinion. Same with buying stuff for someone and expecting something (like sex) in return: MANIPULATION 101.

    His mother taught him everything she knows!

  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well...I hate to tell you that manipulation is one of the hallmarks of borderline...sigh. That is one of the reasons that people (therapists and psychs) say that I only have traits of it now. I dont manipulate well anymore. Not saying I cant or dont or wont on occasion. I can or will if I truly want to but I have learned some better coping skills along the way. I used to manipulate A LOT! BIG Lots of times over sex only I was in the other position. "Oh honey, if you will give me $100 and watch the boys for me, I will do Y for you."

    Now I just ask for what I want and dont offer..lmao.
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I'm so sorry his frontal lobe has gone missing...

    I hope it turns up soon!
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    Don't want to scare you or anything, but... any chance there's something physically going on inside his skull?
    It sounds like these "traits" have been around for quite some time, but this last week is "worse than normal"...
    Keep an eye on things. If this is a trend, you'll want to get things checked out.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow. Oh, dear.
    No, it's not in my house. We could use an extra one.
    I am so sorry about your husband. Sounds like he has some serious issues. And it sounds like this has been going on for some time ...
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Nope. Haven't seen his...

    But if you happen to see mine running around out there somewhere, can you send it home please? I seem to have lost mine as well!
  16. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well perhaps it was all stress-related/induced what with Christmas Eve with his family approaching and all the emotional baggage and anticipation that entails. He's better now.

    IC, he had his annual brain MRI in October and no changes from the last one. So aside from THAT, I'd say it's just his erratic mood regulation at work again. Crank up his stress level and all bets are off. Yet another reason why I've asked the psychiatrist to be blunt about the bipolar diagnosis at husband's January appointment and hopefully they'll reopen dialog about changing some of his medications.

    Only FIVE more days left of this year...