That's not being spoiled in my opinion. That's being defiant and undisciplined.
I do think part of it is temperament.
Nobody gets her way faster than my youngest daughter because she is so extraordinarily loved by her father. He can never say "no" to her even though she would not cry and rage and have a fit over it. The fit itself indicates a more extreme problem than "spoiled" (whatever that means). It shows a lack of discipline and a probably inability to have self-discipline. This can be inherited...whatever it is, it needs to be treated. I have followed Confused and her saga for quite a while. I'm not a doctor. I don't claim to be one on TV
or off of TV or on this sight. But I do know normal behavior that is due to getting what a kid wants. In the case of many of our kids we need to ask "what came first, the chicken or the egg?"
When our kids are little we tell them what to do. "Don't run in the street, Madison."
Madison may test her mother, but after her mother grabs her frantically and talks to her a few times or puts her in a time out chair, which she WILL sit in, Madison learns she can't do that. Madison's mom is shopping. Madison starts to whine that she wants candy. Madisons mom says no and Madison starts to cry (not throw a major fit, but it can get a bit dramatic). It doesn't make Madison's mother get her candy and she may shed some more tears, but after a few more experiences Madison learns that she can't have candy in the store if mom says "no."
Now say that Madison, instead of being halfway reasonable, would not sit in her time out chair, threw it across the room, ran up to her mom, bit her, kicked her, and said, "I HATE YOU!" Maybe at age four she is even swearing and Madison's mom is thinking, "WHere did this come from? I don't act this way! She is just like her biological father!" She puts her in her room. Madison destroys her room. At the store Madison grabs a handful of candy anyways, while screaming bloody murder, with half the store staring at her in horror and says, "I HATE YOU, MOMMY!" She will not shut up or quiet down.
I don't know about you, but just to get out of the store, it is possible a mother could buy the candy, be in tears and then the child gets called "spoiled." That's not being spoiled. That's a kid who is not able to control himself.Or he has learned that Mom doesn't like him to yell in public so he does it to get his way. But most children do not want to do this to mommy. The majority of kids are not like our little darlings. They do behave. There is a large curve to "behave" but most behave enough not to have their parents feel the need to be on this forum. Most moms can shop with Madison or play in the park with her or enjoy her. That is very often not the case with our children. They have a knack very early on knowing how to manipulate us...and do it. And the parenting style we have is irrelevant as parents of all spots have been here in the decade I have.
I think many of our different kids, even grown, get their way because we give in, but there are two sides to every story. Nobody wants the consequences that our even very young children who are "special" bestow on us nor do we want our adult children to steal from us or assault us. These are people who are out of control and I wouldn't call it spoiled. I would say something is wrong with any child or adult who reacts in an over-the-top way to a simple "no." It is a danger sign and says "trouble" about the future. But most kids do not react this way when told "no" even if they have inconsistent parents. And some parents have three kids who all react differently to the same parenting.
So I say the word "spoiled" doesn't mean much. Yes, the kdis get what they want. It isn't because the parents wishes to get the kid everything his little heart desires or "puts up" with disrespect. At this child's age, since he is still a minor, he can't be thrown out of the house and if he doesn't respond to discipline and doesn't care what anyone thinks about his behavior plus have TROUBLE with self-regulation...I call it more troubled than spoiled.
I don't think Confused can do anything that will make this child mjind her unless she has a professional on board and even then he may end up living away from home one day. And I don't call that spoiled. I call it sad for all involved. But there is help, at least if the child is getting the needed help and is not yet legally an adult.
Ok, off the soapbox. Just my .02
