Anybody with pill addiction experiences, advice???

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, Apr 6, 2010.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    My s/o's sister lives in town here. She is his only family local to us, along with her husband and 2 teen children. I actually met s/o through her. She and I lived for a few years about a block or so apart on the military base, and in base communities, you meet everyone. Anyhow, we were more acquantances than friends when I met her bro, and obviously by involving my life with his, our "friendship" grew. As I got to know her more in depth, she seemed to find me to be her "go to person" with her "issues".

    Over about 2 years I learned more and more about her marriage woes, her financial woes, etc. I didn't particularly want to know all her lifes inner workings. It was tough to escape however as I was by then immeshed via my s/o, into the family. I learned that I probably wouldn't have chosen to be "friends" but would have remained at a acquaintance level, had s/o and I not been together. She and I are very different people, and the more I learned of her life and doings, the more I really didn't respect her as a person, a friend, a mother, a wife, at all really. She has some lovely qualities, however her life is a total train wreck and she owns none of it, and has the blame game down to a art.

    Anyhow, over 6 years we've watched her addiction to gambling drown her family. I learned she already bankrupted her husband twice, and I couldnt' understand what kept him with her. (He's a good guy, finally realized that he just can't leave her, he loves her, loves his kids, more importantly, was an orphan raised in orphanage and she and her family are his only family, he'd sever an arm before walking out on his family or before losing the only family he has). Her children are both having major problems and I've watched her actions affect them in so many ways for a long time. Recently her son (15) was caught attempting to do something sexual to his sister (17). She doesn't back her husband in his insistence that her son leave the home and get intense help. Last year, her husband retired from the military. Due to her financial past, he of course needed to find a new civilian career as despite full pension, he can't afford to retire. He has been living since last summer, a 5 hour drive away and working on a military base in a civilian position. Her and the kids are here still and the more freedom she has had, the more problems that have occurred.

    She has become highly addicted to narcotic painkillers. She is hanging out with complete low lifes. Lies constantly, a given considering the high level of addiction and abuse going on. Her life is in shambles. Her kids are a mess and she is NEVER home. Her husband is desperately trying to fix his family and his wife, from a long distance away, while unable to get a handle on day to day things from such a far distance.

    I've been increasingly worried about her driving. She is literally out and about from the time she wakes up until she goes to bed. She might pop home long enough to tell kids what to make for dinner, or drop off something for them to eat when more often than not there is nothing in the house for them unless she stops home to drop some groceries. Nobody knows for sure where spends her time, day in and out. She did have an affair but it seems to be over. Druggie friends homes is the new guess. She is driving daily from place to place to avoid going home. driving in her state is absolutely a bad plan. She has shown up here so many times just a complete wreck, slurring, stumbling, nodding off mid sentence. She is so far up the denial road. She has admitted her addictions, played up on attempts for sympathy, pretended she was invested in her own recovery, etc. She has taken to buying methadone on the street when her husband is home for weekends or holidays. In attempts to not appear to be still using to him, and to avoid withdrawl while he is home. We always know that within minutes of him heading back to work out of town, she is off again and won't be seen much until his next trip home.

    She often manipulates us into loaning her money. I HATE IT!!!! And my s/o hates it. We get sucked in when she shows up broke (all her money spent at $20 a pill - oxy's - which she takes 3-4 of at a time, several times a day) with one or both kids in tow, and there is no food. We end up giving the money to her oldest to get groceries. We want the kids to eat obviously. Yet it is NOT okay with us and we want to stop. Period. We care for the kids, but she is manipulating us via that. She knows we'd never give her money to use for drugs. So she uses her husbands money for the drugs, then uses the kids to get grocery money out of us. Another time it was having her daughter call us when their power went out due to unpaid bill.

    Things are coming to a head. Last Tuesday, she had her first ever car accident. Crashed into a van in front of her, doing about $6K worth of damage to her vehicles front end (a new vehicle, pricey SUV). Thankfully nobody was hurt. S/O and I both knew she was high and nodding off at the wheel. Two days later, on Thursday, the rental given to her while her SUV is in the shop, turned up with a huge dent and missing paint on the rear end. She claimed someone must have swiped her and drove off while in a parking lot. We know it was a lie, it was obvious. It was completely her doing the swiping and driving off. Then on Saturday she drove straight through a highway intersection against the light, slammed on brakes half way through the intersection and cursed herself, then backed up into the lane she should have waited in. In doing so, she made a bad situation as cars were crossing through at the time, and her backing up was what NOT to do, she should have continued through. She of course said it was the sun in her eyes. Her husband is freaking, the poor man. Later that night, s/o and I were eating a late dinner outside and enjoying our first bbq of the year. She showed up, apparently had been missing from home for hours. Had some really out of it looking very young girl in the car. She staggered (literally) across the lawn to us and tried to hock us 2 bottles of pricey his and hers perfume/cologne. With hubby home, she has zero access to funds. My s/o was in tears after she drove off (of course we didn't purchased it). She stumbled and nearly fell crossing the lawn to her car to leave. He immediatly called her husband, which was hard on him as he hates to stress out her husband any more than he is. That is when we learned that she'd lied (again using us as a excuse) and told him she was popping over here for a tea/visit, and been gone for hours as easter dinner was cooked and drying up. S/O told her husband what was happening, that he was very worried about her driving but didn't have the rentals license plate number or he'd have called the police for impaired. Her husband broke down and ended the call quickly to call police himself. Guess they must not have found her, as we've not heard that she was picked up.

    So, we're trying to figure out what we can do in our house to stop this madness. We don't want her here when she's high, period. And we no longer want to hear a word about her situation unless and until she is actively in rehab. We no longer want to give her a penny, even if its for groceries. We know that this is no different than buying her drugs for her. We no longer want to hear her "plans" to get clean. We are in the awkward position that as only family in town, her husband gets info from us that he can't find out otherwise given his job being so far away. Yet having a strung out junkie in our home is not working for us, and I'm sick of my young easy child asking what is wrong with auntie K. Worse even, she has never clued in to my subtle (and sometimes not subtle but rather, in your face direct) implying that I do not want to be her therapist, her confidante, her bank, her anything. She seems to think I'm the go to person to unburden. She knows s/o's schedule and shows up when he is not here to tell her to back off (or better yet, leave???) and I end up hearing all this stuff and it drives me nuts. She asks my advice, gets ****** if I give it to her, gets mad if I tell her I have no advice to offer.

    I've told s/o that since this is his sister, he has to do something. He avoids conflict at all cost, he's very quiet and just avoids things. In many ways a good trait, we can talk problems out without drama due to this aversion of his to confrontation. But it is a hindrence when I need him to be the one to take a stand on something such as this. I've tried to show his sister that he and i are done with her situation and want well for her but don't want this in our lives any longer. I've even had 2 pretty nasty dramatic scenes with her over the past year. She continues. It really is time for s/o to do whatever he must to get it through to her.

    Anybody have any suggestions I can make to my S/O? He really does want to put a stop to it, he will work himself up to what to do/say when we think she's showing up, then she won't show. (typical of her) Then she shows up out of the blue and he's not prepared and the opportunity passes. I want to support him and help him in addressing this with her. He isn't avoiding doing something or saying something simply because he doesn't want to. He is literally stuck on how to say something as he's not one to bring up problems. What he would like to tell her is: He doesn't want her here when he is not home as it puts a burden on me to cope with her games and he is fed up with her doing that. He does not want to loan her another penny, period. He does not want to see her if she is on something, period. He does not want to hear her speak about her problem any more as she always tries to play us and say she is clean when she's higher than a kite. He wants her to know that if he sees she is under influence, he will report her to police to hope they find her and stop her driving, even if it means an obvious arrest. He wants her to know that he loves her but she's ruining her life and destroying her family and that he will stand by her if she gets help and takes it seriously but he will meanwhile be there for her husband and children if need be instead of her.

    He has, to his credit, gotten into it with her several times in the past month or so. Challenging her lies of being clean, asking pointed questions. But she stalks off in a huff and it isn't effective or helpful really. He knows that, he is just floundering, trying to say and do what he wants to do, but clueless on how to do it.

    I'm very sorry this is so long. It is such a prevelent issue in our lives right now and as much as I don't like her much or respect her at all at this time, she is his sister and he loves her very much. We both do want well for her. We are just at our wits end and it is invading our lives and we want off the roller coaster. Any ideas that might help S/O constructively approach her would be so appreciated. He is a wreck about it, and starting to feel ashamed I think that his own aversion to conflict is permitting her to continue to bring her problems into our lives. I know he truly does want to put a stop to our involvement in the situation. I know he'd be open to me reading him any words of advice, wisdom, been there done that experiences any of you might have.
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow. This sounds straight out of an episode of "Intervention." I think I'd recommend your s/o (and you) attend a couple of Al-Anon meetings, or Nar-Anon, and maybe even watch a couple episdoes of the show to familiarize himself with addiction in general and get some tools for dealing with it. Approaching her when she's high/drunk, will accomplish nothing, I can tell you that much from my own dealings with alcoholics and my Oldest's pain pill addiction. I'm not sure approaching her she's sober will do much good either, to be honest. Talk is cheap, as they say. The only thing that will speak to her will be the consequences of her behavior.

    The best way to help her, is to educate yourselves about addiction and get support for yourselves in dealing with it, especially your s/o and her husband. Groups like AlAnon/NarAnon are invaluable in that department.

    Be sure if your so does have that talk, and lays out consequences for her actions (calling the police, etc.), that he is prepared to follow through on those consequences. He shouldn't say it, if he can't do it, or he'll be right back where he started.
  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Thanks for responding. We have been watching intervention and another new one (forget the name) alot over the past year. It has been really helpful in many ways.

    It is ironic you mention the show. We've had several conversations with s/o's mother about his sisters issues and we had one again about an hour after she tried to hock us the perfume on Sat. night and after s/o spoke with her husband. His mother called and after a few minutes chit chat, asked if we had recently seen K, how does she seem, etc. I hedged. Asked if SHE had spoken to her recently, how did SHE think she was doing etc. His mother said she knew K had not at all quit using and in fact seemed worse than ever. Whew!! I hate to tell a senior that her daughter is at this point a lying actively using drug addict. Since she knew, s/o and I let it ALL out with her on the phone. She did too. Informed us she had learned K is doctor shopping the walk in clinics in town and has been labelled at many which she now can't use. Also that she is taking and abusing some hard core sleeping pills. Great. During that conversation my mother in law mentioned that K's husband needs to do xyz (threaten divorce, file seperation, cut off her money supply etc). I took a pretty firm tone. I said I agree, but that her husband also only has this family, none of his own. He wants to do something more than fighting with his wife, but I know he feels very alone and is uncertain if he'll lose the whole family. I told my mother in law that we all have talked and talked for a long time now about what could be done, should be done, someone else should do etc. And that quite frankly it is past the point that there is anything new to add to THAT dialogue. I told her I firmly believe, as does my s/o, that as a family everyone at this stage must stand up together. Be united. Her kids are old enough and involved enough, that they should be there as well. And that we really need to pee or get off the pot so to speak. She didn't seem to like the word intervention at first. Oh well. I told her that s/o and I are more than willing to arrive at her home, along with her husband and children, along with mother in law and the other brother who lives near mother in law and could easily take her here for a day trip, and sit down with K and lay it on the line. Each of us telling what we will no longer do (money, listening, seeing her when high etc) and what will be doing (calling police for driving under influence, whatever steps her husband decides on, etc). Her mother seems receptive now and actually was very on board by the end of the conversation. The thing is, s/o mentioned right away how unfortunatly his mother can easily (and always does) go back to sticking her head in the sand. She is very wrapped up in this daughters life and hates to "ruffle" her daughter. It is a huge annoyance and upset to my s/o. So we can't really count on her to follow through despite s/o telling her blatantly that how on earth can we all cry at her funeral after some overdose or car wreck, when none of us had the guts to stand together and put firm consequences in place that might force her to rock bottom and to wanting to get help. (Proud of my s/o for saying that to his mom, they are close and it was hard for him to be so blunt, but it was for sure overdue).

    I do know that s/o is going to be contacting his brother in law this week via telephone and offering to participate in a intervention if he so chooses. I don't know if our support towards her husband will be enough emotional support for him to feel he won't be losing everything and everyone if he stands up to his wife. I sure hope so. This is a family sinking quick. When we say brother in law this weekend, during a brief time alone with him, I gave him a huge hug and told him that we are here if needs us, we know this is awful for him and the kids, and that we are his family no matter what steps he must take to protect him and the kids and maybe influence her to get the help she really needs. Maybe s/o calling him and having a long talk will help her husband be able to see that he CAN do this, he CAN reclaim his life and protect him and the children. That he CAN still love her even when forced into giving a ultimatum.

    As for being willing to back what we say we will do, s/o and I are very much okay with following through. Especially with calling police if she is driving in that condition. This big car wreck and the other two car incidents just show she is going to kill herself, kill some other innocent person, kill her children, or injure. S/O is going to suggest that her husband remove her from the car insurance and give the car to their teen daughter to use as she's a good driver and she has reasons she needs either access to a vehicle or a ride. Her mother has no business behind a wheel period. :(
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm sorry, but I couldn't really even get through the whole post. It was like you were writing about my bff. Way too close there.

    From experience:

    Any money you loan her is going directly to drugs. Seriously. Even if she does buy/pay for something needed by the family, she'll turn around and use money that should have been used for that for drugs. (next payday sort of thing) been there done that with bff. She'd tell me her kids were starving. (they were, she used all the cash for drugs) I at least was smart enough to never give her cash........but I would give her a bit of food from my pantry. Had to stop that too once I realized it still helped her have more money for drugs. Yes, I hated that her boys had to do without.......but there wasn't a lot I could do about it. I couldn't control her choices, just my own. And I was determined NOT to support her addiction in any way. I just wish her family could have stayed strong and done the same.......the end result might, "might", have been different. But they'd be strong for a bit, then give in because of her kids........and she never used the money for the kids, she'd go out and get more drugs. ugh

    Pills lead to other things. (hers started with pain medications too from a tummy tuck gone very very bad) When pain medications and pot and alcohol wasn't enough.....she turned to heroine and went straight downhill super fast. It didn't take long when I had to distance myself because I just couldn't watch what it was doing to her, her kids, and her family.

    If she wanted something from me.......and yeah I did get those desperate calls and visits. I'd tell her she had to get help. That my cash, or whatever she wanted me to do wasn't going to help her, she had to have real help. It was really hard to do at first. It did get easier over time, especially when she was using so much because if I got tempted to give in I'd tell myself her next fix could be the overdose that killed her and I didn't want to have to live with that.

    Your husband would benefit greatly from al anon meetings. They help teach you what to say and why you have to. They give you someone to talk to. (like here)

    Big (((hugs))). I don't have any real answers. None of what we did helped my friend. She passed away from accidental OD 3 weeks or so ago.:(
  5. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Hounddog, I am so sorry about your friend :( I had read your posts where you worried for her, and your post a few weeks ago that she had lost the battle. I can't imagine!!!! It is however the largest concern I have right now for my sister in law. I am going to read your response to my s/o but also to my mother in law next time she and I speak.
  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Okay----since I have experience this with my husband and with my son I will tell you now that everyone---everyone in her life---must stop enabling right now. If she is using Oxys she has no feelings at all anymore---except for the drugs. That is all that matters. The drugs. Her husband, your so, they are just there to help her get the drugs. You must do something drastic to make it stop. She will not, can not stop on her own. For one thing, it is highly dangerous----for another, her body and brain won't let her---finally, coming off oxy without detox could kill her. My husband decided to seek treatment when I told him that I was done---over---I told everyone in his life what he was doing---his mom had a heart attack when I told her---and no one believed me. When he finally realized that I was serious---he confessed and went for treatment. He has had a few relapses. Once an addict, always an addict. But, they were short lived and he sought treatment on his own. Good luck. I hate drugs and what they do to families.
  7. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Thanks everywoman. The enabling is the part that is making my s/o and I crazy at this stage. It is one of the few things we can control in this situation, and we've gotten better but those kids come in and are hungry and we give in. We have resolved it will not be happening again, not at all. If we know the kids are hungry we are going to contact her husband and tell him so. It is beyond obvious that nothing matters to her anymore except keeping on about her business of getting high and staying high. She's taking super strong oxy's, lots at a time, many times a day. She is also taking methadone, which she doesn't measure even! She simply takes a swig out of the bottle it comes in (she buys it illegally). She is also using massive sleeping pills. Its ugly for sure.

    I'm going to insist that my s/o call her husband tonight and tell him how we are here to attend a intervention if need be, where our line in the sand is, and ensure her husband that he really has no choice but to protect his children and do what he needs to do in a intervention himself. Beyond that, s/o just needs to say what he needs to say to his sister. I'm going to suggest that if he cannot figure out how to word it in person, we can always put it in writing and make sure she gets it. (She's the type who would read it so not worried about it just getting tossed)

    I have decided that tomorrow morning I'm going to contact her GP and let him know that the entire family is worried for her life and her future, and what is going on with her. He needs to know. Those dang sleeping pills are coming from him and he doesn't know shes into all this stuff. He also needs to contact the local er and the walk in clinics that they are NOT to prescribe for her as we have been told she is doctor shopping.

    She popped by here a while ago. Because s/o isn't here, I simply didn't answer and pretended I wasnt home. I'm finding it hard to see her at all.
  8. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think calling the GP can't hurt. When Oldest was doctor shopping for pain pills, I called a couple of her doctors. I told them I knew they couldn't give me information because of confidentiality reasons, but that I could give THEM information.... and so they got an earful (or their nurse did, in at least one case). In each case they thanked me profusely. Whether they stopped prescribing or did anything, I'll never know, but I felt better having made those calls and at least alerting them to the situation. I was beyond frustrated with one doctor in particular who just kept writing and refilling rx's for hydrocodone.

    I think you're on the right track with the intervention; I hope her husband will be on board.
  9. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Mattsmom, I'm so sorry that you and your S/O are having to deal with this. Addiction is ugly and evil. You've already received some excellent advice from the others, but I was thinking about what you can do when your sister in law shows up unannounced and unexpected at your door. Years ago when I was in university I had an ex-boyfriend who used to get rip-snorting drunk and then come thump on my apartment door in the middle of the night. Sometimes he'd be jolly, sometimes weepy and sometimes enraged, but in any case he was a big and scary guy, and I didn't want to deal with him whatever his state. What I used to do was rehearse some calming non-committal thing to say, such as "I'm sorry. This isn't a good time." I practiced and practiced the phrase, said it out loud over and over and over, until it became automatic. The next time he showed up, I just said through the door, "I'm sorry, this isn't a good time." I kept repeating it and repeating it until he went away. It took a few tries, and my neighbour calling the police on him once or twice, but he got the message and stopped coming around.

    I wonder if you and your S/O could do something similar. Think of a simple phrase, the shorter the better, that you can say to her when she comes around. Something like. "I hope you're able to figure something out." Or "That's too bad." Or "This isn't a good time." Or whatever else fits the situation. I know there's a list of Detachment 101 phrases somewhere in the archive. I will look it up and post the link. Whatever phrases you come up with, you and S/O both need to practice them. Say them out loud, try different inflections, say them with silly accents, say them over and over until they feel totally natural. What you're doing is building a neural pathway so that when you're looking for something to say, one of those phrases will quickly bubble up to the top of your mind. You won't be tongue-tied or caught short, and you'll have something to say that will hopefully de-escalate the situation and make her go away sooner. If it doesn't make her go away, you can phone the police and report her for intoxicated in public (which, I believe, is against the law in our province).

    Don't forget. You have no obligation to let her into your house or even open the door. Make it clear that you don't want her in your home or near your children when she's high, and stop letting her take up your time.

    Sending many hugs and support.

  10. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

  11. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Thanks Trinity! I'm going to bookmark that link as well.

    We've been practicing and mastering the "sorry, we just aren't in any position to help right now" line, and the "We've got a family of 4 ourselves and with s/o unemployed and retraining right now we really aren't in a position to be asked to help others, we're working to avoid seeking help for ourselves" (When she's looking for cash). We've gotten good at it and happy to say its helping to minimize the attempts to borrow. As of Christmas, we were truly fed up. She knows our finances and that we are frugal, without a single debt (no car payments, no credit cards or loans, zero debt). She knows basically that due to prudent thinking when we got together, we are in a position to survive even during his retraining/unemployment. It has lead her to expect us to always be able to loan her some, she emphasizes always its just a small amount to get them through to her next pay. Grr! Last time, we gave her a line like I said above. She had said her husband had no $ for gas to get to his job. After she left we contacted her husband, asked him to keep it between us (don't tell her) and asked if he really had no gas $ (they have a very good income, in the 6 figures). He really had none, she'd blown through his pay by paying iou's from the previous couple weeks. We sent him gas money to get him through without her knowing. If she knew she'd simply use this all the time if you Know what I mean?.

    We're working on how to handle her popping over without calling (She never calls). Last week s/o answered and didn't open wide enough for her to walk inside. Just said you should have called because its a bad time for us right now. Give us a call in a couple days and we'll make plans. She was stumped. (I was proud of my s/o!!!)
  12. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    My favourite from the Detachment list is "Well, I'm sure you'll work it out." It shuts the door on further requests for money, advice, your time, or whatever else you're not in a position to spare. It's a conversation closer rather than an opener, I guess.

    I'm glad to hear that you and S/O are having success with telling her "no". As for your sister in law's husband, I understand that he doesn't want to wreck his family, but from the sounds of it your sister in law is doing quite a job of that already. If the husband tries to keep everything "normal" it will just crumble around his ears faster. It sounds like the son needs intensive help. Is it possible for him to look into that without sister in law's support? Can the daughter go and stay with him during the weeks that he's away at his job? Can he cut off sister in law's access to bank accounts so that there's money for food and gas rather than drugs?

    I'm just tossing ideas around, brainstorming. But right at the front of my mind is that sister in law is driving around high with her children in the car, and husband is not stopping her from doing so. Something has got to give there, before someone gets hurt or worse.

    Saying prayers that this mess can be sorted out.

  13. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I'm not sure what steps her husband has taken. I do know he has taken over bill paying and has restricted her access to their money. Apparently as of his most recent paycheque, she had been running to those pay advance places since she was no longer able to take from their account. Of course she didn't pay the loans because they were secret. So at least one company certified the blank check she left and it cleared on his pay day, leaving him short for some payments due. So I do know he's taken more steps in order to ensure she can't do those things now. This tells me he has her pretty cut off from money. This is only in recent couple of weeks. This tells me at least that he is finally ready to put up with her rage if needed in order to make some important decisions in his role of provider etc. (proud of him and hope he moves beyond these steps)

    He has already made arrangements to have his daughter room/board with her friends family starting in the completion of this school year. She was to go off to Univ. in the fall but is staying here another year for some more credits in high school that will help her get into veterinary medicine. She will live with her friends family and her dad will pay rent for her. He is unable to have the son with him at this time. He is currently living in a spare room with family friends, they have 5 kids. Taking his son there isn't possible and no way can he afford to have a place alone there while maintaining the home here as well. He did try to get his son placed in a treatment program (behavioural) but was refused since he has access to therapy etc. (Although sister in law neglects to keep that regular) From what I have heard trickle down through the family, he has told sister in law at the past weekend that he will not be moving her and their son down with him as long as this is going on. I found that out tonight. I think he's ready to lay it on the line with her and to let her hit her bottom. We've left a message asking him to call my s/o tonight or tomorrow when he has a chance. S/O is going to have a heart to heart with his brother in law and see what we can do.

    Their mother called a short time ago. WOndering had we seen K today. No. (other than the door I didn't answer) I asked why. I guess the kids are clueless where sister in law is (the norm) and my mother in law knew this means she's out and "doing her thing". While on the phone with his mother, s/o told her that he didn't want to hear from other family about new antics for so long as everyone is still just talking to each other and making no steps forward. He told her he wants a family intervention and until then, he will speak with her husband about the issue but otherwise is asking for everyone to just keep the "new" news of her life/choices to themselves as he's heard enough talk and is wanting some action from the family as a group. I think it was a wise choice of his. I would do the same if it were my relatives. mother in law did mention she thought that sister in law's husband might have asked the military police to keep an eye out for her due to concerns of driving while under influence. S/O is going to ask her husband when he calls us back. I hope he did.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I haven't read all the responses. Sorry if I repeat something.

    A family intervention with a qualified interventionist and a PLAN to get her to treatment right then, that night, is a good thing.

    Family needs to report her for child endangerment if a child is left home alone at such an age where that is important.

    The ENTIRE FAMILY, including YOU, SO, mother in law, father in law, and all members (of course her husband and kids) MUST GO TO ALANON!!!!

    It is CRUCIAL. YOU will feel much better able to handle things. So will SO and everyone else in the family. Even your kids are affected, so offer alateen to them.

    I beg you to go to alanon or narcanon. Alanon usually has more meetings in more locations, so you can often find one that fits your schedule easier, at least where we live.

    You will be shocked and amazed at how much better you and SO feel after going to a few meetings. I promise.