Thank you, I will read your posts. You are right, my cell and car keys are never out of reach. Phone stays in pocket. Yesterday I got a stunn gun and pepper spray.Oh, yes! I have lived in fear of my life for many years, before we were evicted and he had to find his own place-which still hasn't really happened. It's a long story but if you look for my posts and can be bothered to wade through them, you will find my experience.
I was truly terrified, but so unable to act and so much in denial and enmeshed that I even took him back in to live with me after he put me in the hospital (ICU) for 5 days with a bleed on the brain. That was the first time he went to jail.
It didn't start out that way, of course. But abuse is progressive . However he was SO confident of his ability to crush me, that even after he got out of jail, he would rage and threaten to kill me. That's when I began to carry my cell phone and car keys with me at all times (sweatshirts with pockets are good for this) and if he even got within 5 feet of me, I'd call the cops.
Horrible to think we would end up fearing our OWN CHILDREN! But it happens.
Hugs to you-the consequences of you living in fear of him can be MUCH worse (even fatal) than the other way around.