Apparently, she didn't shut off the phone in time...(updated with-the rest of the story)

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Nov 24, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    So I left this part out...
    I talked to husband. I really thought he got it. He promised (still does) that we will have a sit-down with his folks, and since logistically it was next to impossible for that to happen before dinner this weekend, I agreed to go on good faith.
    easy child 2 spent this weekend with us. She came Friday with her math homework. She forgot her science worksheet, but said she could easily finish it at mom's when she went back on Sunday night at 6 (the usual).
    We went on a trail ride yesterday. husband wanted to show some friends the bucks we'd taken, so he went to his mom and dad's to get the heads. While there (literally 15 minutes before we are to pull out for the ride - our only plans all weekend), he finds out his mom has made arrangements again to keep easy child 2 late last night. And again, easy child 2 had homework that she was planning to finish when she got back to her mom's.
    When I said something to husband about this being a perfect example of when he needs to step up and tell her to back off, he turned around and yelled at easy child 2 for forgetting the paper on Friday (which wasn't a big deal until Grandma rocked the boat)!
    I absolutely refused to change my plans so that easy child 2 could get her homework done because Two Brooms, once again, refused to communicate in the appropriate direction and make appropriate arrangements for that to happen. We did nothing Friday and Saturday - all that had to happen was for US to KNOW about this, and it wouldn't have been an issue. husband, at least, did agree with that, and said easy child 2 could do her homework during Two Broom's dinner. But easy child 2, wee difficult child, and I had looked forward to that ride all weekend, and we were going. So we went on the ride, and after I finished spending the first 20 minutes on horseback tracking down easy child 2's mom and making arrangements to get her homework, we all enjoyed the ride. Afterwards, I took easy child 2 to her mom's to pick up the homework, then she went with husband to his mom's for dinner, where she started working. I finished chores and calmed myself down before I went.
    And as soon as I got there, easy child 2 hit me at the door, she needed help, and we needed her book (at school) or the internet (Two Broom's doesn't have it). By the time the drawn out dinner was finished, and I rushed her back to our house to get online, we didn't have time to finish it. So I took her back to her mom's 15 minutes late, with homework unfinished. Literally just last Thursday, I got her mom back on decent terms with me after this late summer's fiascos. And now this.
    I'm so angry I could still spit nails.
    husband owes me big-time. He WILL be scheduling a talk with them this week. Maybe Thursday. I am not threatening to leave him, but I can not and will not continue to be put in this position. I am ok with being the go-between between him and her mom, because her mom is the one that explodes, and easy child is the one who pays the price, and it works - I have a relationship with her mom and I can make it work. This carp with his mother doesn't work.
    I have tried to "stay out of it" with husband and easy child 2 when she is at our house, but I simply can not seem to sit back and watch an 11 year old girl struggle with her school work, want help, and not get it (husband tries but he is dyslexic and he struggles, himself, to read). If I want to remove myself from them, I will have to leave the house when she is there. That's not the way I want to live or the example I want to set for any of my kids.
    I beleive I will send an email to One Broom (easy child 2's mom) and explain to her that husband's mom does not discuss things with us before making plans with her; therefore, going forward, she can tell Two Brooms to make the arrangements with us, or she needs to assume we are not aware and otherwise take appropriate action to see to it that easy child 2's homework, etc, is done. This is the 5th time since April that this same scenario has happened. We can't be responsible for getting homework finished if we are repeatedly working with timelines we aren't aware of.
    On top of that, I just did something that made me painfully aware of the lop-sided-ness of this. Wee difficult child's school is having a float in a parade, and wants to use a hay wagon. We have one. We haven't used it in 2 or 3 years, but I still called husband and asked him before I told the school they could use it, since it is technically husband's. Not a courtesy that gets reciprocated.
    I think things better get straightened up soon, or Jenn and Toto and I mightl be opening a singles club.
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2008
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Take my advice please........

    When you send that email to one brooms, PRINT IT OUT if 2 brooms doesn't have an email and MAKE SURE SHE GETS A COPY - so they BOTH can't pull some carp behind your back - like say - FWD the email to 2 brooms with "alterations"

    THEN pack a mule and leave.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Is the email a bad idea?

    Just trying to cover my behind so I'm not held responsible for doing something I know nothing about.
  4. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Shari...Have you read the dance of anger? It is also on books on tape.
    What you bring to the picinic is the big picture veiw point and that is good for the group, and it wears like a burden until you yourself rework the pattern and put it on like the fine garment it is.
    What the good news is is the elven year old does care about her work.
    Perhaps a journel she can carry back and forth where notes can be passed and include check lists?
    Good for you that you plan. Wow. My family is pracically dead in the water because of those who have a blank spot that makes me think of the baby who when they can not see something..well, it doesn't exist for them
    Meanwhile...beautifull job you are doing. In the end that girl is going to carry with her the feelings of caring and the example of navigating the unpredictable and predictable maze of to achieve objectives.
    For problem people in our world I sometimes recommend voodoo dolls and using their image as a dart board. Not something you may want to share with the family...but one needs alternatives to tearing out ones own hair in frustration.
    And it may divert the urge to blurt out the true but unconstructive observations that one acquires with familiarity.
  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Since two brooms doesn't have email I would agree with Star. Still write the email but print it out and give a copy to two brooms. This has gone on long enough. They need to stop the carp. I would tell husband that he can either back you or he can start dealing with all the brooms and logistics. I know you don't mind with one broom but maybe you putting it all in his lap for a few will get the ball back to bouncing the right way.

  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Real men - sweep house. Roflmbroom off.
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I'll send you a Mule and we can both run away... I got a broom as well!!! Go hide out in the mountains. Or better yet run off to my house in Snowy Idaho, we can hunt and live off the land. We may heve to take the kids with us though... which is ok by me. I still like my girls! :)
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Good idea to give Two Brooms a duplicate of it. I trust both of them about as far as I could throw them (and that wouldn't be far.) And I'll check out the book. If there are changes I can make within myself to help this situation, I'm all for it.
    Toto, I'm in. I'll take my horse, you can have the mule. The middle of no where sounds SOOOOO enticing right now. I'm sick of the drama - I live with enuf of it that truly CAN'T be helped, I loathe the drama that could be avoided.
    To ice the cake, husband helped nephew with that flippin' deer last night, and tried to hide it from me.