Appreciation for this board

[Malika]

Having lots of trouble with J's Moroccan passport (which still hasn't come) so I joined a forum mainly for Moroccans and got some useful info there (doesn't take 10 days like they told me at the consulate but up to 3 months!) Anyway, I've browsed it a bit, posted a few times and honestly... some of the discussion there gets so nasty, so aggressive, so insulting and pointlessly conflictual... Maybe some people enjoy that? It did give me an appreciation for this board, and how courteous and civilised almost all the discussion is! Very occasionally people do get offensive here but it seems like very much the exception. Well done us

 

[TeDo]

That's what I have always liked here too. The genuine compassion and tactful honesty.

 

[DDD]

I think of "our" Board as an Oasis. Likely the only truly safe place I know. Ditto your sentiments. DDD

PS: Perhaps this isn't appropriate BUT I sought out a cancer support Board this week and there were some confrontational patients/survivors who blew my mind. About one third of the posters are very religious and quote the Bible. Most of the others are nice people trying to give and receive support BUT...I was shocked to find really rude people too.

 

[hearts and roses]

A few years ago I joined a menopause discussion group on line and after only three posts, I left. The moderators were very opinionated and bossy, telling everyone what they should do rather than making suggestions or explaining what has worked for them. I also received a pm that was VERY inappropriate, ticking off all the things I was doing wrong...gah! I replied that we all have different bodies and because of that there is no one size fits all solution to the many common complaints that come along with symptoms of peri-meno. And then I never went back. They were downright militant!

What I love about this board is that there are true discussions between members and even if you call someone out on what you consider poor judgement, most times the original poster will at least digest what you've posted before responding. And, especially, I love the support!

 

[AnnieO]

That's one of the reasons this is the only board I belong to. I've belonged to a few others, one was a fertility issues board - WHEW, talk about judgmental and nasty. Around here, sometimes we're not tactful... But... We CARE about one another. Even when we have issues with one another...

Early on - when I first joined the board - someone gave me their unvarnished opinion. It upset me. I now consider that member one of my closest advisors... Even though I have never met her...

 

[DammitJanet]

I have been a member of several sites: message boards, chat rooms and the like. Most places are not like this. I was even a member of a chronic pain website and they were downright nasty. Not only were they completely cliquish but the rules changed with the wind. If you werent a friend of the moderators, you were out. I was having an issue with Jamie and made a comment about something that was going on and they tried to call the cops on me. Literally.

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes, this is definitely one of the best. I'm also a member of a philosophy board and a writing board, and they are very small and the admins are strict, which makes all the difference in the world. You don't even get warnings, they just kick you off.

 

[Tiapet]

I'm throwing out and opinion here based on observation, I think. In the beginning of this board's growth you might not have felt that way about it. It has taken years for it to grow into what it is now. People would leave. I think it has taken DEDICATION to bring it to fruition to where it is now! Not only that, where else is there boards where the main members have stuck around for so many years? Not too many and I think that is also what has helped keep this board running and fine tuned to make sure it stays what it was meant to be.

Again, just my own opinion from observation.

 

[AnnieO]

Exactly. Our admins from the beginning (LOOOONG before me!) have made this place what it is. Our mods keep us in line... Sometimes we can step over it!

I do know a few people who don't post here much (or at all) because they feel they are being judged. This saddens me, but there are also times when I don't post because I care what y'all think. Not just care, but worry... And to be honest it shouldn't matter. Regardless, it's rare for me to stick with ANY group more than about 6 months...

 

[Malika]

Yes, I've felt judged too a few times... and a couple of times felt that people were being unfairly abrasive or critical here... and probably that is inevitable - but it is really nothing compared to some of the way people were talking to others for no reason on this other board. Crazily nasty stuff that make you think some people are a bit deranged or really have no sense of how to behave at all... difficult children

 

[DDD]

It's not "rare" for me to post rather bluntly and I do worry about it a bit. on the other hand, I think of the CD group as "family" and so long as the intentions are not "evil" then I think we can all learn something along the way. DDD

 

[Ktllc]

This board does have a deep sense of respect. Respect is not equal to having the same opinion, but being able to say "we don't agree but I do hear you, I do feel for you".
I come here for support and advise. I'm glad we have different opinions and point of views, otherwise what kind of advise would we gain? A simple echo of what we already think/believe?
Maybe, one of the reasons the board members tend to be so respectful: our difficult children have taught us humility! Who better than us know that one size does not fit all.

 

[InsaneCdn]

DDD... there is a huge diff between "blunt" and "mean".
Sure, you call it as you see it. But it's with intent to help, not to harm.

And THAT is probably the biggest diff on this board!

 

[Malika]

This board does have a deep sense of respect. Respect is not equal to having the same opinion, but being able to say "we don't agree but I do hear you, I do feel for you".
I come here for support and advise. I'm glad we have different opinions and point of views, otherwise what kind of advise would we gain? A simple echo of what we already think/believe?
Maybe, one of the reasons the board members tend to be so respectful: our difficult children have taught us humility! Who better than us know that one size does not fit all.

Yes, difference of opinion is not a problem, of course. It's just the way the difference is expressed that matters. And different cultures also have different ways of expressing things - you Americans are quite direct and outspoken, for example, and it's not "rude" but to another culture might be taken as such. I think you make a good point about respect, Ktllc.

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

I think the moderators here do a wonderful job. And also, the rule that there should be no politics and no religion -- well, that is so sensible. This board is the best place in the whole world, that's my opinion. It has saved my life, and made me as sane as (I think) I am!!! I love my whole board "family."

Love, Esther

 

[Fran]

I always felt that we carry such a burden of responsibility, pain and loss from parenting difficult child's that we should be good to each other even if we have differing opinions. Just knowing that coming here allows us an escape from the world of crazy is worth some blunt responses if they are given in the hope that it will help a parent to see something that they are overlooking. Being too close to the situation sometimes causes us to be blind. My difficult child has grown. He isn't cured by a long shot but I'm not in the trenches on the day to day, minute by minute parenting that he required before. Here's hoping that you all get to that point.

 

[BusynMember]

This is my only board now. I was on an autism board once and it is ok for autism, but there was a lot of fighting that went on. Mean Girls stuff I quit going. I have been here forever. It started when my difficult child adopted son was found to have abused my younger kids. He was 13 at the time. Now he is 21. That's how long I have stuck around.

Maybe not everyone is so happy about it...lol. I can be blunt too. But I truly try hard to give thoughtful responses and I cherish the advice I get from all you wise moms. I have learned a lot and have a great deal of respect for many of the longest chatters (and some of the newer ones too!). My biggest disappointment was not being able to go to the CD Meeting in Chicago, although I would have been shy to tears (I'm very socially awkward in real life). So this board is a place I can come to and not be so uncomfortable.

Thank you, one and all.

 

[witzend]

A few years ago I joined a menopause discussion group on line and after only three posts, I left. The moderators were very opinionated and bossy, telling everyone what they should do rather than making suggestions or explaining what has worked for them.

Well, to be fair, you know how crabby menopause can make you...

 

[1905]

DDD- I laughed when I read your post about a cancer "support" group. These people were very judgemental, and I could not go back- it was their way or you were some type of dummy. One lady pointed to each of us and told us what our "real problems" were (mine was ptsd from cancer(?)) I had never met this lady! Here I can bare all, not be judged and express myself in a way that nobody in real life would be comfortable listening to, thank you all! I feel like I know you all and love to share in your joys and can truly be sympathetic to your trials, having had my own that went misunderstood by everyone else.