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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 730155" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome SarahRose. I'm sorry you continue to struggle with your daughter. I have a 45 year old daughter with similar traits and I went thru many years of enabling her.....which never worked out for either of us.</p><p></p><p>My daughter was never diagnosed, she doesn't believe there is anything the matter.......however, she likely suffers from some kind of mental illness (it runs in my family).....she acted very much like your daughter when she was younger. I understand how you feel.</p><p></p><p>First of all, you may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. If you haven't already, you may want to read the book Stop walking on eggshells, taking your life back. It is about Borderline Personality disorder. It may not entirely fit your daughter's issues, but I believe it may be helpful for you. Another good resource is the book Codependent no More by Melodie Beattie. And, if you haven't already, you may want to contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental illness.......you can access them online, they have chapters in most cities. They have excellent courses for parents. I took their course and it was extremely helpful.</p><p></p><p>My daughter used that exact same phrasing about me.......I was "negative" whenever I did ANYTHING that set any boundary. Yes, your daughter will likely.....unfortunately, use this baby as a bargaining tool, a manipulation, to get what she wants.......or to punish you for imagined wrong doings. My daughter did that too.....ultimately, when my granddaughter was 11, I went to court and received guardianship. My daughter was not a good mother and my granddaughter was suffering. It's not been an easy path with my daughter.....sounds like yours hasn't been easy either. I'm really sorry, I know how much this hurts.</p><p></p><p>The best advice I can offer is to limit contact. I've had to do that too. It is heartbreaking in so many ways.....and yet......it is also a relief......you can stop walking on eggshells. </p><p></p><p>I would suggest that you continue posting here.....you'll get good support from others who've been in your shoes. Keep yourself well supported. Take good care of yourself. Learn how to detach from your daughters shenanigans.....set strong boundaries. If it feels right, a therapist may be helpful as well, it was for me. It's not easy to detach from our kids. But for some of us, it's necessary.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 730155, member: 13542"] Welcome SarahRose. I'm sorry you continue to struggle with your daughter. I have a 45 year old daughter with similar traits and I went thru many years of enabling her.....which never worked out for either of us. My daughter was never diagnosed, she doesn't believe there is anything the matter.......however, she likely suffers from some kind of mental illness (it runs in my family).....she acted very much like your daughter when she was younger. I understand how you feel. First of all, you may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. If you haven't already, you may want to read the book Stop walking on eggshells, taking your life back. It is about Borderline Personality disorder. It may not entirely fit your daughter's issues, but I believe it may be helpful for you. Another good resource is the book Codependent no More by Melodie Beattie. And, if you haven't already, you may want to contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental illness.......you can access them online, they have chapters in most cities. They have excellent courses for parents. I took their course and it was extremely helpful. My daughter used that exact same phrasing about me.......I was "negative" whenever I did ANYTHING that set any boundary. Yes, your daughter will likely.....unfortunately, use this baby as a bargaining tool, a manipulation, to get what she wants.......or to punish you for imagined wrong doings. My daughter did that too.....ultimately, when my granddaughter was 11, I went to court and received guardianship. My daughter was not a good mother and my granddaughter was suffering. It's not been an easy path with my daughter.....sounds like yours hasn't been easy either. I'm really sorry, I know how much this hurts. The best advice I can offer is to limit contact. I've had to do that too. It is heartbreaking in so many ways.....and yet......it is also a relief......you can stop walking on eggshells. I would suggest that you continue posting here.....you'll get good support from others who've been in your shoes. Keep yourself well supported. Take good care of yourself. Learn how to detach from your daughters shenanigans.....set strong boundaries. If it feels right, a therapist may be helpful as well, it was for me. It's not easy to detach from our kids. But for some of us, it's necessary. [/QUOTE]
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