Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Apprehensive
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 730369" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I would not agree to take the grandbaby every day with her treating you like this. No way. Many of our difficult daughters take those grandchildren away from us to punish us for various things they think we did after we have really emotionally invested in those kids. Plus kids are hard when you get older. If your daughter intermittently cuts you off she will do that with her child too and you will not legally be able to stop her. Except for rare circumstances in all states grandparents have no rights....I was told this is due to a Supreme Court ruling. So this is all up to a very unstable daughter.</p><p></p><p> I have very good relationships with both of my daughters but I want to do what I want to do now, including travel. I would not be able to full time care for beloved grands even.though both my daughters are kind to me. If your daughter doesn't want to pay for daycare even though they make good money she can stay home. I did when everyone worked and so does my own daughter and they are of modest means. Your daughter likes money? She should not have had a child. They are costly monetarily and need Mom time. And most working mom's with health challenged parents pay for daycare. Oh well.</p><p></p><p>You are not going to be able to please this daughter. It will never happen. She is not respectful or kind to you. It is impossible to be at peace all the time with an on again, off again person. My sister was intermittedly nice then would cut me off and called the cops every time she was mad at me (you can't make this stuff up). My Dad is gone now...I have no reason or desire to play that mean/nice game again. I am done. as your daugter will break your heart. And no matter what SHE wants you have to take your own needs and health into consideration. Don't let her bully you just because your mother, like mine, was abusive.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is abusing you like your mother did, not the other way around. Don't let anyone abuse you again. Be careful with your heart. Nobody else will. Have you ever been in therapy? I personally found therapy a good stepping stone for living my own life without harming others. I learnied that saying no is not abuse or selfish. I learned to take care of me for once. I learned (and this was hard) that putting myself first is healthy, not selfish. I finally believe it. And I still can't always do it. But if someone isn't nice to me I can do it now. My sister is gone from my life. I can't give her any more chances and my hub and kids saw this way before I did! I realize it is harder by far to cut off a child. I never would completely unless they harmed me,but I have taught my oldest and hardest to respect me or I will not communicate with him unless he is nice to me. This worked really well with him. He is usually very careful how he speaks to me now because if he starts the anger, I say "I will talk to you again when you are able to speak nicely. Love you." Then I give him three days off. He likes to talk to me so it has been very successful.</p><p></p><p>. You may want to read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie and Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud. The latter book has a Christian slant bit if you are not a Christian you can skip the religious chapters....the rest of the book will work for anyone.</p><p></p><p>Do you have other kids, a significant other, other family or good friends? Family is who loves you. DNA has little to do with it. Three of my four kids are adopted and I would not trade them for my DNA, in fact my DNA relatives mostly aren't/ werent nice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 730369, member: 1550"] I would not agree to take the grandbaby every day with her treating you like this. No way. Many of our difficult daughters take those grandchildren away from us to punish us for various things they think we did after we have really emotionally invested in those kids. Plus kids are hard when you get older. If your daughter intermittently cuts you off she will do that with her child too and you will not legally be able to stop her. Except for rare circumstances in all states grandparents have no rights....I was told this is due to a Supreme Court ruling. So this is all up to a very unstable daughter. I have very good relationships with both of my daughters but I want to do what I want to do now, including travel. I would not be able to full time care for beloved grands even.though both my daughters are kind to me. If your daughter doesn't want to pay for daycare even though they make good money she can stay home. I did when everyone worked and so does my own daughter and they are of modest means. Your daughter likes money? She should not have had a child. They are costly monetarily and need Mom time. And most working mom's with health challenged parents pay for daycare. Oh well. You are not going to be able to please this daughter. It will never happen. She is not respectful or kind to you. It is impossible to be at peace all the time with an on again, off again person. My sister was intermittedly nice then would cut me off and called the cops every time she was mad at me (you can't make this stuff up). My Dad is gone now...I have no reason or desire to play that mean/nice game again. I am done. as your daugter will break your heart. And no matter what SHE wants you have to take your own needs and health into consideration. Don't let her bully you just because your mother, like mine, was abusive. Your daughter is abusing you like your mother did, not the other way around. Don't let anyone abuse you again. Be careful with your heart. Nobody else will. Have you ever been in therapy? I personally found therapy a good stepping stone for living my own life without harming others. I learnied that saying no is not abuse or selfish. I learned to take care of me for once. I learned (and this was hard) that putting myself first is healthy, not selfish. I finally believe it. And I still can't always do it. But if someone isn't nice to me I can do it now. My sister is gone from my life. I can't give her any more chances and my hub and kids saw this way before I did! I realize it is harder by far to cut off a child. I never would completely unless they harmed me,but I have taught my oldest and hardest to respect me or I will not communicate with him unless he is nice to me. This worked really well with him. He is usually very careful how he speaks to me now because if he starts the anger, I say "I will talk to you again when you are able to speak nicely. Love you." Then I give him three days off. He likes to talk to me so it has been very successful. . You may want to read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie and Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud. The latter book has a Christian slant bit if you are not a Christian you can skip the religious chapters....the rest of the book will work for anyone. Do you have other kids, a significant other, other family or good friends? Family is who loves you. DNA has little to do with it. Three of my four kids are adopted and I would not trade them for my DNA, in fact my DNA relatives mostly aren't/ werent nice. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Apprehensive
Top