ARGH!!!! I had ENOUGH!

[Ktllc]

I am so TIRED of doing the impossible to make life better and then, in an instant, V sabotages everything.
Nothing has changed, just me!!!
You know that great new idea about a visual schedule along with a little watch.
Well, it lasted.... 5minutes??? ok, 6minutes!!!
Tokk it off and slammed the little watch with a hard toy.
GRRRR, I'm losing it.
Of course, he did not admit to it at first. He lied, and lied and lied until I really lost it and showed me what he did.
What is wrong the kid???
I don't want to do nothing anymore, it never works anyway. Just a huge wate of my time and sanity.
Ok, i think I'll go cry a little more.

 

[InsaneCdn]

First, {{hugs}}.

Second... no, he isn't TRYING to sabotage everything... it just looks that way.

This isn't about him, its about you.
Mrs. Fix-It Mom.

For every problem, there is a solution.
So we put huge effort into fixing whatever is on our radar... and it doesn't work.
Because...
- the real problem is something eles
- its our solution but they haven't bought into it
- current state of mind isn't able to handle anything new right now
- and so on...!

Write the serenity prayer on the inside of your glasses, so it can affect everything you see...?

 

[Malika]

Hugs, klltc. What else to say? I could have told you the watch wouldn't last long though that is simply an annoying comment in the circumstances... Letting go of anything is very hard. Letting go of expectations is hard. Of course you want all your efforts for your boy to have results, to "succeed". Ultimately, though, that is not why you are putting the work and the effort in. You're doing it just because he's your boy and you love him and want the best for him. What arises out of your actions is in a sense not your concern.
And, of course, that is another of those things to file under Easy to Say, Hard to Do.

 

[Chaosuncontained]

Oh my, I have felt the exact same way as you do now. Like giving up. But like InsaneCdn (who is my hero) said, I don't think he is doing it on purpose. I think they are just "wired different". When Carson used to say "I dunno" after me asking him "why did you do that!?" I would get furios. Or when I would say "What did the teacher just say to you" He would reply "I don't remember". When actually now, I think he DOESN'T know or remember most of it.

Big hugs and just keep chugging away. You are his biggest advocate.

 

[DammitJanet]

Ktllc..hugs...I cant tell you how many times I just wanted to pack my kids into a box and ship them to Siberia and then runaway and join a circus. Sure wish we lived closer so we could at least chat in person...might help. If you ever get down near Fayetteville, let me know.

 

[TerryJ2]

Aw, I hear you, Ktllc! I had a day like that yesterday.
When everyone has calmed down (like, tomorrow), sit down and talk to him about what he did. The hard part is staying calm. You have to pretend you are a robot. Ask him, what can we do to prevent this from happening again? (IOW, smashing another watch).
I agree with-Insane.
We're all a lot like that. Sigh.

 

[keista]

Awwwwwwwww He doesn't know how excited his mommy was about this. He was just so enamored of this neat little gadget, and since it was so awesome looking, it MUST be indestructible, and now that he thought of that, he has to prove it to himself that he has this awesome new neat little indestructible gadget, and........ WHAM! OH NO! It's not indestructible

The plan is still good. There was just a small flaw which can be fixed. There are kid tough watches. There are also neat little balls that are made to be thrown, but do have a timepiece in them. If this was digital, I'm sure there are digital clocks all over the house (TV, DVD, cable box, microwave, etc) that he can look at. You can provide a small digital clock for the classroom. It can be worked out.

In the mean time I think the two of you should go autopsy those watch guts.

 

[InsaneCdn]

In the mean time I think the two of you should go autopsy those watch guts.

Keista - your house must be like our house. husband complains about the clutter. Half of it...??? is... stuff awaiting "autopsy"...

 

[buddy]

Oh GOSH I had almost forgotten about how I felt years ago when this stuff happened.....(thanks???, just kidding) Anyway, it STILL happens (he is 14) BUT, I now am totally prepared for this one, absolutely for certain, can count on it, fact...

The FIRST few times we do ANYTHING it is a huge production. He will ruin it, or get angry, or too silly, or whatever. EVEN if it is a happy and fun thing. Even if it is as simple as learning a new card game. i dont know if that is or will be an issue for your difficult child but I can count on visual schedules being ripped to shreds (I always have laminated back ups....I got a laminator from his waiver because of the amount of stuff I have to try to protect, but it is still rip-able.) Once there is a routine, then it usually goes fine. Sometimes I have to go through a social story to train the new idea first. Including how to take care of the materials being used. Still, I get frustrated, but I am prepared now...I hope you dont need to do it as long as I have had to but in case. I just keep trying things until one or two works....takes lots of repetition for sure. My head throbs just thinking about it.

Sorry it didn't go well....I so get that. Wanna ring their litte necks sometimes, sigh.

 

[Ktllc]

Thanks for your support and insight... it does help.
We both feel better. I've decided to keep him home today. Just have some quiet time together. I don't know if it's good to "skip school", but he's just so much happier and easier when he's home.
Sometimes I wonder if all the progress we had made were simply due to summer break (we had some tough days, just not as many).
You know what he asked me a few minutes ago: "Mom, what can I smash?" HAHAHA...
He is smashing acorns on the deck with his little hammer. We might go pick up some more later, acorns: yes you can smash that kiddo.
What else could he smash?
I had tried a blick of wood and nails in the past, but he always ends up samshing his own fingers...
I also wonder what kind of need he's fullfilling when he smashes stuff.

 

[Malika]

I also wonder what kind of need he's fullfilling when he smashes stuff.

I honestly just think it's about being four and having a hammer. Have hammer will hit... But then, what do I know? My four year old is not your Average Joe... Glad you're having a better day today. YES, keep him home if he's happy - he's got all the rest of his life for school

 

[TerryJ2]

My son used to tear up books when he was anxious or hyper.
Hmmm, what to smash? Acorns are a great idea. Have any pinecones? He could use a wooden block for those, and run less chance of pinching his fingers with-a hammer.
Crabapples?
Can you teach him to bake? Smashing is like stirring, grinding the dry ingredients with-wet. And the smashing-stirring part is the most tedious for me. Maybe he'd like that?

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, you can buy rolls of caps (capgun caps) and put them outside and he can smash those. We used to love doing that when we were little. It leaves a permanent black mark, though.

 

[buddy]

I also wonder what kind of need he's fullfilling when he smashes stuff.

Could be just a boy thing. I will say my son seeks heavy, hard hitting kinds of input and pounding really calms him. Unfortunately so, in some situations...sigh. I remember his pounding a collector NASCAR car he got and LOVED, pounding my new tiled kitchen floor, smashing many things. I think your instinct to let him pound appropriate things is great....Pretty ironic he said that though...very cute.
Mine loves acorn collecting and smashing too! OK he is 14 now, so just fair warning....it may continue a LLLLOOOOONNNNNGGGG time, heehee

 

[DDD]

What about bubblewrap sheets? My difficult child loved stomping on them, riding a bike over them, holding it in his hand and squeezing individual bubbles. DDD

 

[keista]

Oh, boy! SMASHING things is NOT just a boy thing, it is NOT just a 4y/o thing. SMASHING is an AWESOME thing! I LOVE smashing, and when I can't smash, I love to watch smashing! Demolition derby, NASCAR races with huge crashes (I always pray no one is hurt because that part is bad) The garbage truck when it's full and it has to compact, when they explode things on Mythbusters. Smashing is such a wonderful, primal, release of energy.

I used to save stuff that needed to be thrown away, so that son could smash it first when he needed to. Now he's content smashing when I'm tossing it out. Ppl love bubble wrap because it is a socially acceptable form of smashing. If you can direct him to tearing papers, there are always papers that are going to be recycled that can be torn up first (newspapers, junk mail, magazines, old phone books) Son was content with paper at school. DD1 not so much. She needs a nice sharp SNAP. I went on Amazon and bought a ton of pencils really cheap so she could break those when needed. (this year's back to school sales were not so good pencil-wise, otherwise I would have bought more then.

SMASHING is phenomenal! So, now that you know he loves smashing, be sure he has things to smash, and remind him that if he smashes his toys, they will be gone - no replacement. If he smashes household stuff without permission, you will be angry and he will have extra chores to help pay for it. But if he needs to smash, you will do your best to find things for him to smash.

(I even like the way the word sounds - SMASH )

 

[buddy]

SMASHING is an AWESOME thing! I LOVE smashing, and when I can't smash, I love to watch smashing! Demolition derby, NASCAR races with huge crashes (I always pray no one is hurt because that part is bad) The garbage truck when it's full and it has to compact, when they explode things on Mythbusters. Smashing is such a wonderful, primal, release of energy.

HAHA! My son's main "special focus interest area" is NASCAR and he can tell you what day/date years ago he started watching. Can tell you every driver's name and car number, etc. But he loves the crashes, and I would always say, you dont want people to crash, they might get hurt....

One day he was in my cousins bedroom not socializing of course, nascar was on! and my uncle heard me say something like that and he pulled me aside and set me straight..... he said, "Thumper (that is what only he is allowed to call me after my being in a waist down cast as an infant for many months)...that is why we ALL watch NASCAR, so get over it! Now I say cool too and difficult child is always relieved when they are okay.

 

[GoingNorth]

Ummm...I hate to be the one to warn you of this, but at 51 years of AGE; I STILL love popping bubble wrap.

I also have a cat who has all his claws and HE likes to walk over a sheet of bubble wrap to pop the bubbles.

I guess it's official; we're just a bit odd around here.

 

[InsaneCdn]

SMASHING is phenomenal! So, now that you know he loves smashing, be sure he has things to smash, and remind him that if he smashes his toys, they will be gone - no replacement. If he smashes household stuff without permission, you will be angry and he will have extra chores to help pay for it. But if he needs to smash, you will do your best to find things for him to smash.

Including...- smashing up boxes and egg cartons before they go in the garbage or recycling- smashing up the potatoes or squash (I know, we usually call it mashing... just tell him its "smashing")- if your recycler allows it, smashing up pop cans so they take less room waiting to be recycled- ours was older - we did renos that involved taking out sections of concrete - and we let him at it with the sledge hammer to smash it small enough to cart away.In other words - show him how to harness this energy in productive ways as well. Do NOT smash anything up yourself... have a specific place for things that need to be smashed, and its his job to get it done on a regular basis so the box doesn't overflow.

 

[keista]

Oh, and you can make him OSHA "certified" with gloves and goggles too!