Argh!!! Really, husband???

[Shari]

If he gripes ONE MORE TIME tonight, I'm gonna....not sure what. Unpleasant things come to mind.

We have this stupid "I call recliner" thing in our house. Big boys started it a long time ago. Whoever "calls" the chair gets it (unless an adult pulls rank). If you get up, you say "squatters" and you get the chair back when you return. Dumb. But we played along, and still do.

Yesterday, cgfg never got out of her pajamas. At 8pm, she got out of the recliner, and wee nabbed it. When she came back, she ordered him out of it, and he said she didn't call suatters. Stupid, but acccurate. Cgfg stood and looked at husband to do something. Know what he did? Gave up the chair HE was sitting in so she could have it, glared at me for not making Wee move, and stomped off to the computer! I agree the whole chair thing is stupid, BUT...we ALL played along, and have continued it...so deal.

I asked him about getting rid of the couches. He didn't care. Now that they are gone? He didn't know I was really going to, and he'd "sit on them if they didn't always have laundry on them, and yes, he said, he knew he could fold it too, and he was going to start so he could sit on them more."

Really? We've had them over 5 years...I doubt you're suddenly gonna start folding laundry.

The horses got out Sunday morning. Someone wsa kind enuf to shut our driveway gate so they didn't get on the highway. At 10pm TONIGHT, while it is STORMING, the sattelite went out. "Blanking horses probably messed it up again." He "hates" it when I let them out (I used to let them graze the yard when his parents had a bunch of cows here and we didn't have enough grass to feed everything...but haven't done that for a couple years now AND I was the one that CHECKED on them after fireworks when we got home at 1am because IIII was the one worried they'd freak out with all the fireworks around them....they were in with the gate closed at 1am! I did not LET them out!)

And just now, the electricity surged several times in a row. While I am running around unplugging and turning off stuff (ac, wash machine, dish washer, computer), HE is sitting in his recliner, repeatedly turning the tv back on, griping because we live in an old house with crappy electricity.

NO ONE that we can see has lights on. Its out everywhere. I just want to deck him.

Thank you for letting me vent.

 

[Shari]

God help me, now I have had to go check the water heater cause he can't fill the bathtub to the top with hot water...I just ran the dishwasher and wash machine, and the electrcity was off. Now its a piece of koi, too.

OMG.

 

[KTMom91]

Hugs.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Uh, why can't he check the water heater for HIS bath?

Sorry Sheri, but I know you've talked to him about this stuff, but you need to have that foot you've been putting down a little more firmly in place.

Living the that constant complaining and helplessness would drive me batty.

Hugs,
Sharon

 

[1905]

He's worse than one of the kids, I have one like that ,too. But the kids are kids. And all this behavior is learned from daddy (let's not blame ourselves,ok? even though we have them all trained to come to us when any aspect of competence is needed). It's frustrating..........and just when he was about to fold the laundry!!!!!!!

 

[Shari]

It's frustrating..........and just when he was about to fold the laundry!!!!!!!

Hahaha...oh, and I might point out that the couches WERE STILL PRESENT when he stomped off to the computer after giving up his chair.

 

[DaisyFace]

Shari--

I was originally in favor of ditching the recliners in exchange for more "popular" seating--but after reading about all this drama surrounding those chairs...I'd be ready to get rid of the recliners and let everybody sit on the floor!

Just saying...

 

[trinityroyal]

I'd be ready to get rid of the recliners and let everybody sit on the floor!

DF, this is an excellent idea. I'd make one exception though...
I'd keep one of the recliners. It would be designated as mom's only. And I would pitch the mother of all fits if anyone dared to so much as breathe wrong near it. Everyone else could sit on the floor.

Sheesh! Shari, I'm so sorry that you have to put up with this koi. I agree with LDM's comment about putting your foot down. You might just want to think about where you plant your foot when you're putting it down (husband's backside?)

Sending hugs.

Trinity

 

[AnnieO]

Sit 'em on the floor.

Make 'em do their own laundry. Do your own, fold it - you will have a LOT less work. In fact, do yours and Wee's, and show him how. If I am not wrong, he will really love feeling like he is helping you.

 

[Shari]

Shari--

I was originally in favor of ditching the recliners in exchange for more "popular" seating--but after reading about all this drama surrounding those chairs...I'd be ready to get rid of the recliners and let everybody sit on the floor!

Just saying...

Ironically, I sat on the floor last night and worked on a little project with Wee and truly enjoyed being able to spread out! lol (my chair was empty, but the floor seemed much easier, and was!)

husband created the chair drama yesterday...normally its not a big deal. The big boys had friends that basically lived at our house when they were teens, and that's where the chair calling started. We just chose to let it, and sometimes participate-husband or I will call "Blue chair!" and most of the time, its a light-hearted game. Everybody knows the way its played. I reserve the right to pull rank and boot someone, but I don't do it often, and am always respected when I do. I was miffed at husband's reaction to cgfg in that, tho... we either allow "chair calling" or we don't, but it doesn't magically change because your fav kid is out her chair...

And the laundry thing? I wash it. They have to put it away. Which is largely why its ALWAYS on the couch.

Wee and I are going to my mom's tonight for a visit. husband and I are gonna have another chat before I pull out - I told him yesterday after a very minor but grumpy incident with Wee that he knew where the door was, and if he wanted to continue to be part of the problem, he could use it. Maybe I'm anal, but he's approaching the limit of what I will deal with. I was just thinking this morning that I didn't mind carrying the load when I was married to DEX...it was when he started getting mad at me over everything that wasn't done or wasn't perfect that I had enough...and gee...yesterday sounds a bit like that tune. This weekend had better have been a fluke...

easy child 1 and difficult child 1 did their own laundry from about Wee's age on. I tried to make cgfg do hers, but she just doesn't, and grandma goes and buys her more clothes. so that's a losing proposition and more stress for me either dealing with brat-ville or trying to get her to do what she needs to without husband's help...its easier to wash her clothes.

She'll grow up and marry someone just like the male influences in her life, and husband will hate him for not treating his princess better. And I will remind him where she learned it. Which is probably the biggest thing that bothers me...Wee is learning from him, also...and I despise that.

 

[Shari]

And I think, while I am gone, I am going to give husband some required reading.

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry he is so negative. It is totally time to plant that foot more firmly.

Is cgfg truly his favorite, or does he just give in because she whines and fusses the most? Either way he isn't doing any of the kids a bit of good. I wonder if he would even see her if you booted him out? You seem to be the one to do everything for her, at least for the most part.

For many years I had the policy that if you did not show at least semi-responsible behavior you did not get to use furniture. Period. The 3rd time I had to tell you to get shoes off the furniture, to stop wedging yourself between the arms so hard you push them apart in ways they should not be pushed, to leave the cushions where they belong, etc... you are on the floor. Too much stuff on the floor to find a place to sit comfortably? Clean it up. NOW.

My mother was a genius at dealing with us when we gritched and complained. Rather than listen to it, or try to make us see how unreasonable we were being (and we often were), she would simply say, "I need you to take the garbage out. Thank you so much." or some other chore. If we were almost angry or were angry about that kind of thing the chore usually involved scrubbing the bathtub or counters or whatever. Something we could take our frustration out on with-o hurting anything that would get something constructive accomplished.

Your husband is griping about the couch because it is a change. Have you ever taken a look at the various symptoms of autism/aspergers/sensory integration problems/etc... with regard to your husband's behaviors? I don't know if they will fit or not, but it might be eye opening. Rarely does a difficult child get the problems from just one side of the family. My mom was almost at the point of separation when she and I were going through a list of aspie traits. I started muttering that this one or that one fit my dad more than my son. It was like a giant 1000 watt lightbulb went on for my mom. What seemed as plain as the zits on my nose on my jr high pictures to me was something she simply had not connected. Once she saw that the things that were driving her crazy were done because dad is more of a classic aspie than anyone else in the family it let her find ways to cope and ways to get him to change that worked with-o angering either one of them.

Is it possible that some of the Explosive Child methods would get husband to do some things? Or, and I know this is drastic, what would happen if you suspended the tv and internet service for a couple of weeks. just to break the cycle. Would it cause more problems than it is worth or would it help everyone get into the habit of doing more and watching less?

Whatever you work out, many hugs. I know how frustrating it is.

 

[gcvmom]

 

[Shari]

I don't truly think cgfg is truly his favorite. But her behaviors, if he ignores them, aren't in his face. Therefore, he can successfully ignore them. Wee's don't go away if you pretend they aren't there. He is in your face and pushing your buttons. And I don't think husband truly understands that Wee's behaviors are no more in his control than husband's lack of fluent reading skills are in his... Wee wears on him, and Sunday, husband wanted to sit around the house and do nothing, so I let him. I let him feel the pain of not giving Wee an outlet, so he was more annoyed than usual. You can give Wee something positive and constructive to do, or you can let him annoy the pee out of you by bouncing in your face all day long...I like to do things with the kids, but I don't always do this stuff because I want to... And Wee often takes a lot of time, so I do try to do occassional special things with cgfg. If it always equal or exactly fair? Probably not. But I try.

husband would see cgfg if I wasn't around, altho his mother would likely step into my role. The diff would be that I doubt cgfg would want to participate as much as she does now because I'm the active one. I rarely let a day like Sunday happen because its counter-productive to everything, but husband's negativity started before then, so when he didn't want to do anything, I went along with it. I doubt he even noticed cgfg never even got dressed.

husband is dyslexic, I'm sure. And his processing is not the fastest. BUT - in school, his mother chewed out anyone who suggested he might have a problem that could be helped, so, not only did he not get help, he got bailed out every step of the way. Still is, quite frankly. If he doesn't know how to do something (ie clean house, fix the car), that's a good enough reason to stop right there. Which is NOT helping interactions with Wee, or anything else. If he doesn't know how, end of story. Doesn't put forth the effort to learn.

And, yes, getting rid of the tv would be a huge help. He uses it as an excuse to avoid the above... He's also a bit of a control freak, and even tho one of the things he loves me for is my independence, it also intimidates him. He feels a need to compete where our arenas cross. Doesn't help that his folks reinforce that everything is his and his alone, then he comes home to a reality that it isn't. I think that's why it bothers him so bad when I do a "farm chore" without him (easy child 1 and I moved cows by ourselves a couple weeks ago...husband is still not even remotely happy about it, even tho it was way past due and he was busy cutting his folks' hay and we thought we were helping him...) Depression likely fits into it, too, tho I believe it is a result and not the cause.

Am I really too overbearing?

 

[Shari]

Doesn't put forth the effort to learn.

A funny story/example of this...I was helping easy child 1 finish his camper two nights before we were to leave on our camping trip last summer. We had re-plumbed the whole thing and I was fiberglassing his holding tanks.

husband him-hawed around and I finally told him to do something. He didn't know what so I suggested he look at my truck and see what was causing it to make a clunking noise when you turned left. I noticed it but hadn't had a chance to look at it yet.

He got in it and immediately took it to a friend of ours who is a diesel mechanic and had him look at it.

Lug nuts were loose.

husband has a degree in auto mechanics.

 

[flutterby]

I'm sure with all of your tools, you have a spare hammer or two.

 

[Shari]

I can only ever find the small flowery pink one....

the rest get "borrowed" repeatedly...

 

[flutterby]

Flowery and pink or not, it would do the trick. It will just be prettier.

 

[flutterby]

If it makes you feel any better, all of my hammers have been "borrowed". So, now when I want to hammer a nail into the wall, I have to find a sturdy object to use instead. Believe it or not, I had some nice tools at one point in time. Now, I can't even find a screwdriver.

Maybe that's a good thing for the other residents....

 

[Shari]

Flowery and pink doesn't bother me...but its pretty tiny...

LOL yes, sometimes lost items are probably best for those involved.

I have a broken 3/4" drive ratchet in my junk drawer. It is my "secret" hammer. No one knows why I keep it...