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Substance Abuse
Arghhh.... sleepless nights etc.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627631" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. You will probably get a better response if you start your own thread. You added your introduction onto an old thread. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry for your hurting mommy heart. It is too bad, in my opinion, that your husband wouldn't call the police over the theft. We did. </p><p></p><p>I think a really good start here is to read the article up above on detachment because it is probably what you need to do for your own sanity...you can't change your son. He is 100% in charge of his behavior and you are only in charge of your own behavior and reactions to your son's behaviors. Your son most likely is acting like he is because addiction makes them really ugly, but his addiction is HIS fault and I agree that it is a good idea to cut out the enabling while he is still young. Picture a 26 or thirty-six year old drug addict coming to you for money, after refusing to work, lying to you, abusing you, call you names, maybe even defacing your house or getting violent...I think it's best to stop the enabling game early on and let him know that if he does not follow your rules, he is on his own...and let him figure it out, even if it makes him very angry and verbally abusive...and if he tells you the way he is is your fault (it's not).</p><p></p><p>If you like, picking up the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie is a great start at seeing things differently. It really opened my eyes (and shocked me too!). It's a great read. You can likely get it at your library or you can buy it at any bookstore or online, paperback or E-reader. I also suggest getting face time support from other parents dealing with the same issues. If you have not tried a twelve step program, I strongly recommend giving Narc-Anon a whirl...I love twelve step. It has helped many of us so much. If you don't like that, I'd get into private therapy for yourself because you need to learn how to take good care of yourself even while your son is choosing to self-destruct and your husband is choosing to be passive about it. Nobody should be allowed to abuse you in any way (lying in my opinion is a form of snubbing their noses at us)...at age eighteen, we can choose to pack their bags. Our house/our rules.</p><p></p><p>I hope you start another thread so you can get more responses from the lovely, kind, wise ladies of this forum. Welcome to our sometimes sad, but always supportive family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627631, member: 1550"] Hi. You will probably get a better response if you start your own thread. You added your introduction onto an old thread. I am sorry for your hurting mommy heart. It is too bad, in my opinion, that your husband wouldn't call the police over the theft. We did. I think a really good start here is to read the article up above on detachment because it is probably what you need to do for your own sanity...you can't change your son. He is 100% in charge of his behavior and you are only in charge of your own behavior and reactions to your son's behaviors. Your son most likely is acting like he is because addiction makes them really ugly, but his addiction is HIS fault and I agree that it is a good idea to cut out the enabling while he is still young. Picture a 26 or thirty-six year old drug addict coming to you for money, after refusing to work, lying to you, abusing you, call you names, maybe even defacing your house or getting violent...I think it's best to stop the enabling game early on and let him know that if he does not follow your rules, he is on his own...and let him figure it out, even if it makes him very angry and verbally abusive...and if he tells you the way he is is your fault (it's not). If you like, picking up the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie is a great start at seeing things differently. It really opened my eyes (and shocked me too!). It's a great read. You can likely get it at your library or you can buy it at any bookstore or online, paperback or E-reader. I also suggest getting face time support from other parents dealing with the same issues. If you have not tried a twelve step program, I strongly recommend giving Narc-Anon a whirl...I love twelve step. It has helped many of us so much. If you don't like that, I'd get into private therapy for yourself because you need to learn how to take good care of yourself even while your son is choosing to self-destruct and your husband is choosing to be passive about it. Nobody should be allowed to abuse you in any way (lying in my opinion is a form of snubbing their noses at us)...at age eighteen, we can choose to pack their bags. Our house/our rules. I hope you start another thread so you can get more responses from the lovely, kind, wise ladies of this forum. Welcome to our sometimes sad, but always supportive family. [/QUOTE]
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