Arrgh! From one cigarette to the end of the world

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Feb 13, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    husband and I came home the other night to an extremely smoke-ridden bathroom. It was obvious some kids had been in there, smoking. He has asthma and I get migraines so we were NOT happy campers.
    We confronted difficult child, who, of course, denied anything. He said it was on his clothes and he merely took a shower. We smelled the bathroom and there is no way. So we confronted him again and he said one of his friends, T, talked him into it and he only stayed for 1/2 hr.

    I called T's mom and she said he was with-a diff friend and they were dropped off at 10 p.m. He had a good alibi. So I again confronted difficult child and he said that he'd gotten the cigarette from T but that T hadn't actually been there, and that T has a box outside with-cigs, pot, and spice and that kids from school deal at a nearby park, which he named. He said he was alone in the bathroom upstairs.
    At that point, we didn't know what was a lie and what was the truth, so we grounded difficult child for a week from all of his friends both at our house and their houses.

    I called T's mom back and told her that it appeared that difficult child had not gotten the cig from T but that T was the fall guy. I told her about the box that he may or may not have, that he may be storing stuff for someone else, adding that difficult child was making up stuff as he went along, and that if she could keep her antennae up and not tell T, it would be helpful. She immediately went into denial and said that there was no box and I immediately regretted telling her. (Some of you may remember the neighbor girl who stood at the bus stop at our front yard at 6 a.m. with-3 friends, and husband kept finding mini-bottles of booze, and I showed her mom the bottles and told her that her daughter was there but we had no idea if she was drinking it or just watching and the mother was very good about it, weighing both sides, understanding that I didn't want to point a finger, but maybe she should be driving her daughter in the a.m. just in case, and it ended very well. This mom is clearly not of that calibre, because not 15 min later, difficult child came flying into my art studio (off of the kitchen) LIVID that now all of his friends were mad at him, that everyone's moms knew what was going on, and I was a snitch.
    Say what?

    I told him I have never said that T did drugs, that I had talked to T's mom, but told her that he had not gotten the cig from T, etc. and that if he didn't like me talking to other kids' moms, tough.
    He said his girlfriend would break up with-him because he was in trouble again. Huh?

    T said now everyone knew who was doing drugs and it was all my fault, and they would go after him ... at that point, husband came downstairs --difficult child was yelling so loudly husband could hear it upstairs in the bedroom--and read difficult child the riot act about how we will not tolerate lying for his so-called friends, and that telling a mom is the right thing to do. That's what any parent should do.

    by the way, the one kid who came over last wk to supposedly stay overnight, but had to leave because once again, I snitched and told him I wanted to talk to his mom and tell her where he was, is the one who smokes all the weed. I could have told you that. Stereotypical space cadet, long blong hair in his eyes, jean jacket, all he was missing was the surfboard, lol!

    difficult child steamed up to his room but had calmed down enough to watch a show and eat dinner. by the way, he didn't watch the show he told me he was going to watch ... he watched some stupid movie and when I cut off his TV time, he had another fit, even though I told him he had used up his time limit AND I gave him 15 min extra, which he shouldn't have had because he was so disrespectful, so he needed to be quiet and settle down. He finally did.
    And he ate dinner, too. (We have him sit at the table with-us even if he's not hungry, to make sure he socializes, and most of the time, he forgets what he was mad about and eats anyway. :) )

    husband and I talked privately and he thinks that difficult child's girlfriend may already be using something, since she's cutting to deal with-the pain of her mom's divorce and remarriage and dealing with-a pesky step-sister, or, she is thinking about using, and these would have been her suppliers. Otherwise, why would she care if difficult child got into trouble for smoking? Or lying about smoking? Something is missing. I think he's right.

    I hope he doesn't come home from school today with-a black eye, but it may be a good thing if he does, to teach him that these sort of people are NOT his friends.

    He's got ONE friend left who is "normal" and he's the one with-the in-your-face mom who sounds like a drill sgt but then doesn't call me half the time. Sigh. Ironically, I think that's where he got the cig, because that mom is a heavy, heavy smoker and it would be more than easy to just take one with-o ever having her notice.

    by the way, difficult child said he didn't like it ... it tasted like dirt and ash and cr*p. Alrighty then. Oh, and he said he flushed it down the toilet. We told him that we knew he would experiment with-stuff but that we were allergic and mostly, that we did not like his lies. It was the lying and the lying about lying that he was being punished for.

    I can't believe that confronting him about one little cig turned into this.

    It will be so nice when difficult child goes away to camp and has to give up his phone for a few wks this summer so he will, I hope, lose contact with-these losers.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Wow. Don't you want to just wring their little necks sometimes. I just don't get it sometimes and it is very frustrating. Their logic just does NOT make any sense.....and the lying....don't get me started.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Terry...sorry about all this but I am not sure why you are assuming that just because a kid has long hair and wears a jean jacket and looks like a surfer dude that would automatically make him the stoner. Jamie had hair down to his shoulder blades all his life and he was my straight laced kid. Never touched drugs, cigarettes or alcohol.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    LOL! Janet, I was at a party once and there was a guy there who had really long hair. We were getting ready to leave and husband held back and said, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?"
    "What friend?"
    "The one with-the hair."
    "Just because there's someone at a party with-long hair, and I'm an artist, doesn't mean it's my friend!"

    by the way, Kenny G is one of my fave musicians and an older lady commented to me once that she liked him because he was so clean-cut. Huh? Well, he doesn't have a beard ...

    I think it's the demeanor and personality. Not just the hair.