Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterby, Oct 20, 2009.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    :919Mad: :919Mad: :919Mad:

    easy child and his girlfriend are on my auto insurance policy. The payment is autodrafted from my account on the 19th of every month. easy child *knows* this. He's been paying me every month since he got his first car (my mom paid his portion before that because easy child wasn't working).

    Yet, every. single. month. I have to remind him. Repeatedly. I have deposit slips so he can just put the money right into my account.

    I'm in a flare. I'm sleeping a lot and sketchy on keeping up with things when I'm awake. I *know* I reminded easy child at least 3 times last week and specifically on Saturday night. I even pulled out the statement and broke it down for him on Saturday because of changes.

    At 1AM, I realize that I had forgotten to ask easy child if he put the money in my account. And, knowing easy child, I was sure that he hadn't because he can't seem to manage anything without being reminded a dozen times. Sound like any MAN you know??? Thank goodness the car payment comes in a monthly statement; if it was a payment book, he'd forget.

    Anyway, when online banking came back up, I checked my account. Overdrawn $257.00. BEFORE overdraft fees.

    :919Mad: :919Mad: :919Mad:

    I am doing them a favor by having them on my policy. They wouldn't be able to afford car insurance otherwise. Besides the discount for being a driver on my policy, there is the multi-car and multi-line discounts. It literally saves each of them a minimum of $80 a month. EACH.

    So, easy child's girlfriend was up getting ready for school (college) and I told her what was up. She asked if I had reminded easy child. Ummmmm....huh? I know that she is not saying it is my responsibility. I think she is just trying to figure out when the last time I reminded him was. But, it still wasn't the best question to ask, Know what I mean??

    The point is, I shouldn't HAVE to remind him every stinking month. And he HAD been reminded several times.

    So, she wakes him up. He said that he thought the 19th was today (doesn't matter since I told him it had to be in my account by Monday). Then I told him that as soon as his bank opens he needs to get the money in cash and deposit that in my account plus the $80 I'm going to have in overdraft fees.

    Then he says, "I don't have the money." :stopglass:

    WHAT???????????? How were you planning on paying if you don't have the money?????

    It's in her account (meaning girlfriend). She's in school all day, starting before the bank opens. How were you planning on getting it? Even if you didn't think it had to go in until today, how were you planning on doing it?????

    OMG. I could so strangle him right now. He up and quit his job. Hasn't paid any rent for October. Is renting movies and games from Blockbuster (movies $5/ea and games $10/ea), going out to eat, going to movies and shopping. Yes, he has a new job, but he doesn't start until the 26th. And then the kid thinks when he does pay rent (or, rather, the one time he did) that he could tell me how I could or couldn't spend the money.

    We are so having a Come to Jesus meeting today.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If you qualify, get overdraft on your checking account. It saves so much headache and worry. And money!

    Sorry he is so flippant about it. Kids just do not get it.
  3. TPaul

    TPaul Idecor8

    So sorry, I know how upsetting that can be.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Aggravating at the very least. No reason you should have to constantly remind him. If Nichole can remember to pay her bills (being gfgish) then he being the smart easy child he is can handle it.

    Otherwise, let them pay the more expensive insurance.

    Just makes you wanna strangle them huh.

  5. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    That would be infuriating!

    Possible solution once he gets pay cheques flowing again ...

    Have him prepay a month in advance. Same as a prepaid cell phone. So when he gets pay coming in again he pays that months amount PLUS the next months amount. No ifs ands or butts. Give him a zero tolerance option. As in, if he uses the prepaid month as an excuse to miss a payment, woops! No insurance on my plan for x amount of months. (3, 6, whatever you feel)

    Absolutely he should be more grateful for your help with the insurance. And he absolutely can (and should) be making payment on time without you having to "be the heavy" and without you having the drama/stress each month for the money to go into the account.

    How about a repeating direct transfer from his bank account to yours? Calculate the payments bi-weekly (if thats how his pay falls). Have it automatically arranged to have a recurring transfer of x amount (cost of payment) on the day that his pay is deposited to his bank. If he can't be responsable to get to your bank to deposit the payment, he can cop out by going this route. He needs only go once to the bank to set it up initially and its all taken care of. Then, if the transfer to your account bounces, its HIM who sees the looming NSF fees etc.

    Good luck.
  6. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Way more than aggravating when you consider that (according to easy child this morning) they have $1,000 in the bank *after* their monthly bills this month, yet my account is overdrawn because he couldn't be bothered to put the money in. It wasn't that he didn't have it. He just didn't DO it.

    He hasn't offered any rent and I'm the one buying everything, plus paying all of the utilities.

    And it's even more frustrating to me because I can't do anything to have more money since I can't work. I hate hate hate that.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would be livid!
  8. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    How about asking him for post dated cheques from his girlfriend's account? (If she is the more responsible one of the pair)
    You could have them sign up for online banking and then have them login to show you indeed the funds to cover the cheque are in the bank?
    With that kind of savings at their age, I dont' think they should not be paying you rent. At minimum they should be paying the full cost of their hygeine items, groceries, laundry soap, etc. Why aren't they??
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Time for a reality check for Mr. easy child. NO landlord would ever put up with being told how to spend the rent. That is YOUR money once he hands it to you or puts it in your bank.


    The car insurance? Let him know that he and girlfriend are to prepay starting NOW (if he and girlfriend have all that money they can sure afford to pay this month, the overdrafts AND next months all now. From now on anytime the money is not in your bank by the 15th (no exceptions, no bank is closed holidays, nothing) then he will not have insurance on the 19th. Cause you will call and cancel it and refuse to let it be reinstated. Period.

    It will keep happening until you either get an automatic payment set up or you find a way to let him know you mean it.

    Oh - no rent? He should be in an apartment then. Not your home. Let him know that rent is to be paid on the 30th of the month (28th in Feb) and you will charge him $30 per day for every day he is late.

    No job and no income? NOT YOUR PROBLEM!!

    by the way, girlfriend KNEW all the money was in her account. Knew he couldn't get it until he came home. So she should have given you a check this morning. GOing to have to be firm with her too.

    Is girlfriend paying rent? If not, why not? She incurs expenses that YOU cover and should also be paying rent.
  10. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    You guys are going to love this.

    I took a nap yesterday and woke up to difficult child telling easy child she needs more veggie burgers. easy child told her that there isn't much money left on the food card and that she's just going to have to make do with cereal. THEN he told her that the food card was so low already (it gets refilled on the 4th of every month) because he's been using it to buy his and girlfriend's stuff since he's not working. !!!

    Oh...HELL NO.

    There is plenty of food in this house, but he is not telling difficult child to make do with cereal - or anything else, for that matter - because he is using the food card that is meant for difficult child and I. I thought I was going to explode. :919Mad: :919Mad:

    So, I waited until I had calmed down - as much as I was going to - and confronted him about it.

    His response was that there is plenty of other food in the house and she needs to eat all of that before buying anything else. Ummmm...NO. You don't get to decide what she can and cannot have to eat. And you don't get to use my food card for items that you put in YOUR room, in YOUR mini fridge, or stacked up (non-perishable items) next to your mini fridge. I buy all of the main groceries. All I expect him to buy are the items that are specifically for him and his girlfriend. You know, the food items he keeps in his room.

    Then he said the veggie burgers are expensive and she should just eat meat. Again...not up to you.

    And I talked to him about how he has contributed NOTHING this month. How I have (had) $95 in my account and have the water bill yet to pay which is $30 higher than it used to be because of an extra person (girlfriend). Yet, he is renting movies and games, going out to eat, shopping, going to movies, etc, then turning around and telling me he doesn't have any money to contribute this month. And I'm buying everything, including household items that you go through faster with extra people in the house: toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, dish soap, hand soap, etc.

    And he said, "I'm not paying for everything."

    At that point, I had to walk away. I took a shower and talked to him again.

    He's going on about how they can't afford it, how he's not paying for everything, blah, blah, blah.

    And I told him flat out that if expects me to pay for everything on the little income I have that they (he and girlfriend) are going to have to move out. Period. (This was after I broke down for him what his monthly expenses would be on his own.)

    That seemed to get his attention.

    I told him I am not trying to make money off of him. I just need to be able to pay the bills.

    And get this. When he did pay the little bit he paid last month, he gave it to me in $20 bills, but told me that he tried to get larger bills ($50's) because he didn't want me spending it at McDonald's for difficult child (we *rarely* eat out - even fast food).

    Can you believe the nerve of this kid???

    I told him I expect insurance money in my account by the 15th of every month and he seemed to be put out by that. Too bad, so sad.

    I pointed out that I can't buy items difficult child needs because I'm paying for the increased bills with no help from him. His response? He's not responsible for what difficult child needs.

    I expect that I'm going to continue to have this conversation every month - as I've already had it a few times now - and that's not going to fly.

    I don't think he realizes how lucky he is to still be alive right now. :grrr:
  11. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Oh man. I am surprised he is still alive and living in your home. I might have packed all his stuff into garbage bags and threw it on the lawn.

  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I can believe it. They get brass ones when they start feeling like the adult.

    Jamie tried this little tactic with me last year when he gave me the money for my tv. He tried telling me how he was worried that Keyana would touch the TV and mess it up (she has never even gone near any of our TV's in her life) and he said he was afraid of sending me the money for a TV because I might spend it on something besides a TV!

    Oh that made me furious! Excuse me? Do I have some sort of problem I am not aware of? Do I drink or do drugs? Do I gamble? Why would I ask you for a TV if I was going to spend the money elsewhere when it would be so damned obvious the next time you walked into my house!

    He is the one who has a kid who hits his TV! Keyana has never once touched our TV. She doesnt even bother the remotes!

    Oh I lit into him. I told him I was the mother, he was the son and he better never forget that again.
  13. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Yeah, well, I spend the day tomorrow with my Mom. I'm sicking Nana on him. :faint:
  14. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    you know, I had a decent handle on my family's finances on the 'what comes in and what goes out' level.

    It NEVER would've occurred to me to say ANYTHING to my parents about how money was actually spent, on or by whom. Closest I ever came was to ask if something I wanted was affordable.

    I didn't need to know how much 'spending money' was left for the week or that. I got exactly the info I needed.

    in my opinion this is a SERIOUS boundaries issue and unfortunately, it should've been nipped in the bud, years ago.

    If you can't do that, is time for difficult child to handle his own on his own. Since he's such an expert on budgeting and discretionary spending, it should be very easy for him.

    Janet, in your case, after the way Jamie insulted you, I would not only have been livid, but I would have told him to take his money and stick it someplace where they have to bring in sunlight with an endoscope.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    in my opinion things are too easy for him. I know he runs errands and stuff for you, but maybe the food card needs to not be in his possession. He is going to push this as far as he can. in my opinion he will push it a LOT farther than this.

    For using the food card for his stuff? Go into the room and get it back. NOW.

    YOUR food card paid for it. Not his. That means it is NOT his stuff.

    THEN, since he is so concerned about keeping what is "his" safe, you go and get a long piece of chain at the hardware store or lowes. And a padlock. You put the chain through the handle on the fridge and lock it. You may need a 2nd one for the freezer.

    If you can lock the pantry and soap/shampoo/toothpaste up, do so.

    Ration ALL the things you want to give him.

    If you buy a box of twinkies for him only let him have 1 a day - cause you don't want him eating them all at once.

    It will be a nuisance. But then he can SEE how he and girlfriend are not contributing and so should not have.

    Not fun, but it will be eye opening for him.

    It may be that it opens up discussion.

    Otherwise you should insist the bill money and rent be due the day he gets a paycheck. If he isn't working he hsould have thought about the bills before he quit. Hope he has enough savings or girlfriend earns enough to cover things.

    He should have up until 5 days before the bill is due, so the 10th for the water bill. This will prevent him from making you late with the bill or paying overdraft charges.

    Take the meat out of HIS diet - it is very expensive right now and, well, he can eat cereal and MAYBE bologna or cheap hot dogs.

    Isn't that what many of us did/are doing in lean times?

    I am sorry he is such a jerk about this. I can remember my bro doing the same thing. He and my dad had many a screaming fit about this.

    Have you put your expectations in writing? The amount of rent, when it is due, penalties for late payment of any bill, who buys what food/shampoo/etc?? Make sure rent is high enough to cover the increase that comes with an extra body in the home. Make sure girlfriend pays rent too. If she and difficult child want to pool funds, fine. But they are each adults and each needs to be paying rent.

    If it is in writing then he cannot wiggle. Late fees are late fees. "I am sorry you took a sick day/had an accident/tore a dress/lost a shoe. Yes, it is horrible and tough to scrape up money when things happen. The rent is still due on the 1st."

    Practice that sentence. Make it sincere. You ARE sorry things are tight. But the rent is still due.

    It is a life lesson - and an important one! Marg has some rules that she uses for her kids when they become adult. You might ask her what they are - she has suggested them on PE a few times and I cannot remember them.

    Many hugs.