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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 669043" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>That is an understatement. His way has gotten him nothing but homelessness and loss and he won't see that maybe, just maybe, things need to be another way.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Actually, she wasn't. Sis may not be perfect, but she would have allowed that girl to stay with her as long as she followed the rules. She could have stayed and worked until such time as she was ready to go home, or find a place of her own. But, she chose to leave with my son.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Actually, the rules were spelled out from the beginning. She told them before they moved in that they would have to follow her rules or hit the road. When they started working, she sat down with them and had them determine the amount of money they actually needed for a two-week period for incidentals. She increased amounts she thought they were going too short on, for instance, they said they were going to eat out once a week. She said, "No, you're young and I suspect it will be more like three times a week." She insisted that he buy cigarettes by the carton, instead of by the pack, because it's much cheaper. She went thru all the details and then added more for extras and determined that they could afford to give her 80%, which they would get back when they moved. She even worked up a spreadsheet where all the money would be kept track, so there would be no mistakes. </p><p></p><p>He knew the rules. She was very plain. Her way or be homeless. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That's exactly true. </p><p></p><p>Her rules were tough, but doable. She wasn't asking him to wash her feet. She wasn't asking him to demean himself. She wanted him to open a checking account. Something that he needs to learn to do. Something that most adults learn to handle. The fact is, they might have been able to talk about it, but my son's way is to confront, not to talk. It's "YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME!" not "Can we sit down and discuss this please." </p><p></p><p>She called Jabber and told him that when she went to pick up girlfriend from work, Difficult Child was there. He said exactly what I just said, "You're going to listen to what I have to say!" Well of course she wasn't. He tried to keep her from getting back in the car. He tried to goad her husband into a fight and apparently almost managed it, but she stopped him from getting out of the car. At one point, he was in her door, so she couldn't shut it and she told her husband to just drive anyway, so he did until she could shut the door. I get a message from Difficult Child, telling me how the dumba** almost got out of the car to fight him and rolled forward before she could even get her door shut. Opposite versions of the same incident.</p><p></p><p>Apparently girlfriend has a adult friend in the next town over, who came and got them. So they'll both be out of jobs and though sis told him to at least call his work and explain that circumstances have caused him to have to leave town, he's just going to be a no-show. Once again burning his bridges. </p><p></p><p>He could have left girlfriend at sis's house, stayed at the shelter, kept his job. But no. </p><p></p><p>Boggles the mind and breaks my heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 669043, member: 17309"] That is an understatement. His way has gotten him nothing but homelessness and loss and he won't see that maybe, just maybe, things need to be another way. Actually, she wasn't. Sis may not be perfect, but she would have allowed that girl to stay with her as long as she followed the rules. She could have stayed and worked until such time as she was ready to go home, or find a place of her own. But, she chose to leave with my son. Actually, the rules were spelled out from the beginning. She told them before they moved in that they would have to follow her rules or hit the road. When they started working, she sat down with them and had them determine the amount of money they actually needed for a two-week period for incidentals. She increased amounts she thought they were going too short on, for instance, they said they were going to eat out once a week. She said, "No, you're young and I suspect it will be more like three times a week." She insisted that he buy cigarettes by the carton, instead of by the pack, because it's much cheaper. She went thru all the details and then added more for extras and determined that they could afford to give her 80%, which they would get back when they moved. She even worked up a spreadsheet where all the money would be kept track, so there would be no mistakes. He knew the rules. She was very plain. Her way or be homeless. That's exactly true. Her rules were tough, but doable. She wasn't asking him to wash her feet. She wasn't asking him to demean himself. She wanted him to open a checking account. Something that he needs to learn to do. Something that most adults learn to handle. The fact is, they might have been able to talk about it, but my son's way is to confront, not to talk. It's "YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME!" not "Can we sit down and discuss this please." She called Jabber and told him that when she went to pick up girlfriend from work, Difficult Child was there. He said exactly what I just said, "You're going to listen to what I have to say!" Well of course she wasn't. He tried to keep her from getting back in the car. He tried to goad her husband into a fight and apparently almost managed it, but she stopped him from getting out of the car. At one point, he was in her door, so she couldn't shut it and she told her husband to just drive anyway, so he did until she could shut the door. I get a message from Difficult Child, telling me how the dumba** almost got out of the car to fight him and rolled forward before she could even get her door shut. Opposite versions of the same incident. Apparently girlfriend has a adult friend in the next town over, who came and got them. So they'll both be out of jobs and though sis told him to at least call his work and explain that circumstances have caused him to have to leave town, he's just going to be a no-show. Once again burning his bridges. He could have left girlfriend at sis's house, stayed at the shelter, kept his job. But no. Boggles the mind and breaks my heart. [/QUOTE]
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