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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 640221" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sheila, people of a certain age, and I am one, have to cherish our time. We no longer are obligated to be a "mommy." A friend to our grown children, sure, but we do them no favors by staying their "mommy." This is just my opinion, but I think your husband and you should take priority now. Your daughter is old enough to live on her own with state benefits. What will she do when you and your husband are gone? She has to get used to it now. If you feel your grandson isn't safe with her, I would call Child Services and let them know. You are too old to take care of him for the rest of his childhood years and you shouldn't have to. I mean, you can try, but what about your husband? What about the quality of the rest of your golden years?</p><p></p><p>Your 30 plus son is old enough to either get clean, get a job or suffer the consequences. Can you afford $200 a week? That's outrageous.</p><p></p><p>You are free to keep your life as it is because we all drive our own life's path. But if you want to change how you live, you can do it and without feeling badly. Your children are a man and a woman now who are choosing to be Peter Pans. That is their decisions. You can help their decision or decide to stop. Yes, yes, they will yell and swear and tell you that you are a bad mother, blah, blah, b lah. You taught them right. You did not teach them to be like they are. They chose to ignore what they were taught and to live like little kids. They know the right things to do, but aren't doing them. That is on them, not you.</p><p></p><p>I worry about your husband. He doesn't need this stress. Neither do you.</p><p></p><p>Mya, I don't want to disrespect your advice because it is a good idea. However, I don't think this women should have to leave her home to find peace. It's HER home. She is in her 60s. I think it's time for the daughter to leave the home permanently. She is older. Her husband may be developing dementia. Her daughter is being disrespectful staying there and not moving on. Again, though, hon, this is only my opinion. I am 61 and know I would never put up with this. I enjoy the freedom of my years and feel we all earn a happy retirement, filled with what we want to do with it. Again, Mya, I mean you no disrespect, sweetie. You gave a good idea...them living apart.</p><p></p><p>Back to original poster, I hope you can start deciding to love YOURSELF first and being kind to YOU and your husband. You earned every gray hair on your head and you can retire from "mommyhood" without guilt, if you wish. Get therapy to help you through it, if this is the path you desire. Your kids should be starting to worry about their father, not the other way around. Healthy adult children care about their older parents, not the other way around.I suggest you go low contact with both of your kids because, if you do anything different, they will v verbally abuse you and you are not obligated to listen to their silly abuse about how you are a horrible person for cutting off the free money. I had to do this several times.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs and sending you lots of good luck and caring and hope for a better tomorrow. "Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 640221, member: 1550"] Sheila, people of a certain age, and I am one, have to cherish our time. We no longer are obligated to be a "mommy." A friend to our grown children, sure, but we do them no favors by staying their "mommy." This is just my opinion, but I think your husband and you should take priority now. Your daughter is old enough to live on her own with state benefits. What will she do when you and your husband are gone? She has to get used to it now. If you feel your grandson isn't safe with her, I would call Child Services and let them know. You are too old to take care of him for the rest of his childhood years and you shouldn't have to. I mean, you can try, but what about your husband? What about the quality of the rest of your golden years? Your 30 plus son is old enough to either get clean, get a job or suffer the consequences. Can you afford $200 a week? That's outrageous. You are free to keep your life as it is because we all drive our own life's path. But if you want to change how you live, you can do it and without feeling badly. Your children are a man and a woman now who are choosing to be Peter Pans. That is their decisions. You can help their decision or decide to stop. Yes, yes, they will yell and swear and tell you that you are a bad mother, blah, blah, b lah. You taught them right. You did not teach them to be like they are. They chose to ignore what they were taught and to live like little kids. They know the right things to do, but aren't doing them. That is on them, not you. I worry about your husband. He doesn't need this stress. Neither do you. Mya, I don't want to disrespect your advice because it is a good idea. However, I don't think this women should have to leave her home to find peace. It's HER home. She is in her 60s. I think it's time for the daughter to leave the home permanently. She is older. Her husband may be developing dementia. Her daughter is being disrespectful staying there and not moving on. Again, though, hon, this is only my opinion. I am 61 and know I would never put up with this. I enjoy the freedom of my years and feel we all earn a happy retirement, filled with what we want to do with it. Again, Mya, I mean you no disrespect, sweetie. You gave a good idea...them living apart. Back to original poster, I hope you can start deciding to love YOURSELF first and being kind to YOU and your husband. You earned every gray hair on your head and you can retire from "mommyhood" without guilt, if you wish. Get therapy to help you through it, if this is the path you desire. Your kids should be starting to worry about their father, not the other way around. Healthy adult children care about their older parents, not the other way around.I suggest you go low contact with both of your kids because, if you do anything different, they will v verbally abuse you and you are not obligated to listen to their silly abuse about how you are a horrible person for cutting off the free money. I had to do this several times. Big hugs and sending you lots of good luck and caring and hope for a better tomorrow. "Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life." [/QUOTE]
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