Asking for prayers for my difficult child for court on Monday

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by pinevalley, Jul 13, 2012.

  1. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    My difficult child has been in jail for almost 5 months, and he has received several continuances with his case. His next court date is on Monday, and my h and I are nervous and scared about what will happen to our son. Our attorney told us that the prosecutor is pushing for difficult child to go to prison for his crimes, but that the judge has not agreed to prison. The judge is trying to decide between sending difficult child to a 4 month boot camp, or giving him probation with drug treatment. There is a special probation program for drug offenders, but difficult child will need to meet with a probation officer and be accepted into this program. The judge ordered an evaluation for this drug probation for difficult child two months ago, but difficult child has been waiting in jail and he has not met any probation officer yet. We just found out that there is such a long waiting list for this probation that difficult child might not be able to get evaluated for probation for 4 more months. Because of this long delay the judge is considering sending him to boot camp. He would be sent to boot camp for 4 months, and then (if he survives this camp) he would be released and given probation. I am really scared about this boot camp, because I am not sure that difficult child is physically capable of doing all the endurance exercises day after day for 4 months. If difficult child gets kicked out of boot camp or if he gives up then he would be sent right to prison for his full sentence of 1 to 2 years.

    difficult child is in a drug program in jail, and he completed this 120 program and has a good progress report for the judge. Our attorney is trying to talk to the probation officers about the drug probation, but he has not had any success so far. I really hate this waiting and worrying about what will happen to our son. I realize that difficult child must pay for his crimes, but I do not think that sending him to boot camp will help him at all. difficult child has already been in jail for 5 months, and I am hoping and praying that he can receive probation with drug treatment. The probation officers will set difficult child up in an IOP program, counseling, and drug tests, which is exactly what he needs.

    I am asking for prayers for my difficult child, that he receives a just decision from the judge on Monday. Thank you for any support that you can give to us. It is going to be a very long week-end for me.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Praying for him and for you too.
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    sending prayers
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You can count on my prayers and support. We've lived thru similar circumstances and truly it is shocking that the sentencing is arbitrary and capricious. I hope your son gets an opportunity to turn his life around. Hugs. DDD
  5. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That does sound perfect for your son. I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for the best possible outcome!!

  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry PV. This is a very distressing situation and my heart goes out to you. I too am familiar with how the justice system works. My prayers are with you for a just decision and one that is supportive of your difficult child and gives him the opportunity to heal, learn and stay clean. Hugs for your mothers heart to find peace.
  7. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Consider it done. Prayers going out for you and difficult child. Hugs, too.
  8. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    God bless, PV. In my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully, difficult child's 5 months of thinking sober thoughts have taken firm root. I can't imagine 5 months in prison, and I hope it's been a wake up call to your son. I hope that coping with his jail time has given him a bit of strength and let him know that he can be a survivor (if that makes sense. )

    And I hope you know that I admire your strength. I remember the frantic posts and that you didn't think you could cope. And yet you have, gracefully and with firm lines drawn. You amaze me.

    Lots of prayers on the way XXOO
  9. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Sending prayers and hoping that God-who is in control- will guide the judge to do what is right, whatever that may be, that will help difficult child recover and be drug free.((Hugs)) This has got to be scary.
  10. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest


    You sound so grounded. I know you are nervous too but you have done very well with managing all the difficulties your difficult child has handed you.

    Know that I'll be praying for the judge to do whatever will best help your son. He has come a long long way in this time. That will help his case. I'll also be praying for you and your husband to find some peace in the next few days.

    Post when you can!
  11. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Thank you so much for all your words of encouragement. DDD: You had a perfect description of the justice system that it is arbitrary and capricious. This judge is going to make an arbitrary decision about difficult child, and on any given day her decision would probably be different. She is concerned that giving difficult child probation will not work, because he got arrested in the spring when he was out on bail. I can not guarantee that difficult child will stay clean, but I think that giving him probation with drug treatment will give him the best chance at success.
    RE: Thank you so much for your eloquent words. These prayers really help to keep me from going into panic mode about difficult child.
    Sig: You are right, that the last 5 months have proved to that difficult child is a survivor. I was sure that he would not last a week-end in jail, and he has coped with all this very well. difficult child was always one of those kids who thought that the rules did not apply to him, and that he could do anything he wanted and get away with it. I hope that being locked up for 5 months has taught him that he is an adult now, and he has to follow rules and laws.

    This board and by FA group has really helped me to cope these last few months. I don't like to talk to my friends about jail, and prisons and boot camp, etc, because they can't relate to all these problems. I know that everyone here understands the pain of being a parent of a difficult child, and we are all doing the very best that we can.
  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PV I am late on this but I am praying he gets drug treatment instead of boot camp. Often the prosecutor and attorney only get a chance to talk a few minutes before the court appearance so hopefully when that happenes they can work it out and the judge will see it is much beter to keep him in a program.

  13. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PV, thinking about you today, praying for the best possible outcome for you and difficult child. Let us know how it went today. HUGS...............
  14. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    May things go well today-my thoughts are with you PV!
  15. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Yes - ditto what exhausted said. Please let us know how it goes. Squeezing your hand from afar.
  16. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    I'm back from the courthouse, and nothing seemed to go the way that I had hoped for difficult child. difficult child was sentenced to boot camp, and then probation for 8 months after that. He had to plead guilty two two counts, residential burglary and theft, and he received boot camp instead of prison for these two felony charges. Our attorney told me that the judge refused to consider the special probation for drug offenders, but she did not want to send him to prison, so that is why he received boot camp. When our attorney called me outside of the courtroom and told me about the boot camp sentence, I got angry and told him that he should ask for a continuance and continue to negotiate for the special probation. He told me that i was not being realistic, and that he has tried his best, and the judge will not change her mind about the probation. I insisted that our attorney try harder, and he went back into the courtroom to see what he could do about probation, but he told me that difficult child had agreed to the boot camp and he has accepted his sentence. I don't think that our attorney was good at negotiating for the probation, but unfortunately difficult child brought all this on himself. One of the victims was also in the court room, and that did not help anything. The woman who was the victim of residential burglary, because difficult child used the code to her garage (given to him by her son, a druggie friend) to go into her house and take her jewelry. She looked angry the entire time and kept talking to the prosecutor, and I think that she really wanted difficult child to be sent to prison. I refused to talk to her, but I think that she probably influenced the prosecutor. I was only able to see difficult child for a few minutes, and I could not talk to him. I talked to him last night and he was hoping that he would get a continuance so the attorney could work on probation. I'm sure that he is not happy about the boot camp.

    The boot camp is 120 days of hard labor, running 4 miles every day, drills several times a day, and a lot of strenuous exercises. I really don't think that difficult child will be able to handle the boot camp, and that he will either give up or get kicked out of the program. If he does not make it in boot camp then he has to go before the same judge for another sentence, which will probably be several years in prison. I have talked to my h, and he is glad that the court delays are all over and he keeps telling me that difficult child will make it through boot camp. I feel totally helpless right now, because there is nothing that we can do for difficult child, and everything is out of our control. We can not have any contact with him for the first 30 days of boot camp, so I won't even know if he is still in the camp. I just feel like the life of our only son is ruined because of his drug use and his stupid decisions. He has been sitting in jail for 5 months, and now he will have at least 4 more months of hard labor before he will have a possibility of being free. I keep thinking about the first time he was in rehab, and how he started using drugs 3 days after he was out of rehab. I remember begging and pleading with him to go back to rehab, and his answer every time was "I'll go tomorrow". He had no intention of going back to rehab, but he could not tell me that so he lied to me time after time. Never in a million years would I ever think that our son would lie and steal from us, end up in jail and become a convicted felon. This is like a nightmare that just never ends.

    I have to try to put our son out of my mind, and not think about him at all, because it just makes me upset to think of him in boot camp. Thanks so much for your prayers and kind thoughts. Now I have to figure out of way to get on with my life and not obsess about difficult child and the disaster that he has made of his life.
  17. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry things did not turn out the way you hoped. He is a survivor and he will make it through and perhaps this will be what he needs to understand that if he continues down this path the punishment will get worse each time. In all honesty he sounds very much like my difficult child, she had no intention of staying clean and lied to everyone and so now she is using and drinking every chance she gets. I wish she had had to face more difficult consequences because she got off too easy and thinks that waht she is doing is ok. She's out there living it up. She could be where your difficult child is, she used a code her druggie friend gave her for his house too and they went in and partied for three days while the family was on vacation. They broke furniture and trashed the place and the police came. She got off because her druggie friend's parents didn't want to prosecute them.

    I have had to put my difficult child out of my mind also because otherwise I would have gone crazy with worry. You will be OK. We have to remember that they chose to live this way and they have to face their consequences now. I'm so sorry, I know how your heart is aching.

  18. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you are so upset, PV. Take some time to calm down; lots of hugs to you. Since difficult child accepted the verdict without protest, he must be ready to face the consequences without delay. Just pray that he recognizes his faults, makes reparation to the family he burglarized, and comes out a grown, changed man with a sober life in front of him. He's young and he still has a chance. It's up to him now, PV, I know it'll be hard labor, but it's not prison.
  19. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry PV, I know this is not what you wanted. I know from my own experience just how difficult this is for your already bruised and hurting heart. There is nothing else you can do now but try to find some peace in the next few months. I am right there with you. I hope that you have support for yourself so that others can offer you comfort, that's made a huge difference for me. This is the most difficult thing for us parents to do and to stop the upsetting, worrying, scary thoughts is a monumental task. I understand. I offer prayers for you to find peace and for your difficult child to find strength, healing, sobriety and integrity. Hugs..........
  20. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry that he did not get the probation for drug offenders. You will get through this and so will your difficult child. Hopefully he will come out the other side resolved to stay away from drugs.