Aspergers and sexually aggressive

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by kaykay, Jul 8, 2009.

  1. kaykay

    kaykay New Member

    Hi. New here and looking for answers. Someone with whom I used to be friends has a 14 y.o. with Aspergers. He had many issues at our public middle school (very good school system who tried their best to work with him) with being physically and sexually aggressive. He threw desks, threw open fire doors which wrecked the wall, pushing--all done more than once. He has jumped off busses while stopped at train tracks, lifted up girls skirts and touched them inappropriately in other ways. One girl has almost a PTSD reaction from the experience.

    Parents blame everyone else and cite their son's IEP for everything. He even got his own bus provided by the school system because he didn't like the driver and she caused him to become angry. Mom said she wouldn't pick him up because the parking lot is too crowded and his IEP says the school has to provide transportation. Police have been called by the bus/school and by a neighbor.

    There is much more to tell, but not sure how far to go. Problem now is sexual aggression. Three to four years ago, started grabbing girls, one being my daughter who is one year older. I spoke to the child, explained behavior was unacceptable and told mom. Her response is yelling at him. Behavior continued, firmer with child, told mom. Another friend found him taking off daughter's doll's clothes and going through her underwear drawer. Issue was addressed by mom and brothers. Child's mom told. Behavior has continued through the years with escalation. Ultimately, the lack of response and responsibility by parents has ended our relationship.

    Most recently, friend's son was playing baseball at a neighborhood park. Child with Aspergers shows up at park. Kids include him until he becomes aggressive. This time he went up to a 17 y.o. girl, lifted her skirt, said some VERY scary and inappropriate things and said he couldn't control himself. I won't post specifically what was said, but you can imagine.

    My concern is what to do to get him help before he hurts someone. His aggression causes property damage and his sexual aggression continues to escalate.

    When mom and I were on better terms, tried to get her to try different things, including a medication. wash, different therapist, behaviorist. Always says no. Obviously, she is not listening to me. I am scared he will hurt someone and cannot just stand by.

    Any guidance would be great as I haven't found any journal articles that talk about this connection.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    First off, the sexual behavior has nothing to do with Aspergers. Please stop. I have a son with Aspergers and I know what it is. It does not include sexual aggression so I take issue with the constant term "kid with Aspergers." "The child" would be enough. Ok, I"m not mad anymore. But that rubbed me wrong. Also, realize that it is in the child's best interests to ride alone or with a few kids. My own son gets picked up by a seperate bus and is bussed to another school district at their expense. This is the law to help kids with disabilities. Be happy your child doesn't need the more personal trasnportation.

    Secondly, you don't know why he is the way he is. It's possible the parents don't either. Our kids are often misdiagnosed. I don't think he should be in a regular school without an aide with him all the time. I would have gone to the police if anyone touched my daughter inappropriately THAT you can do and have every right to do. I would have, even if the kid was disabled or, as it sounds like to me, mentally ill.

    The parents sound very frustrated. You do not walk in their shoes, and you can not "help" this boy. He isn't your son. I don't know who said what between you and your friend--I just see your side of the story. I do know that it gets annoying when somebody who isn't raising our kids tries to tell us what to do about our children. They tend not to "get it." I think you should leave it alone unless Mom approaches you specifically asking for your opinion. Sounds like she already has professionals. by the way, if he actually does have Aspergers mixed into whatever else is wrong (and I guarantee you it's not just Aspergers) a behaviorist isn't going to help. Please hold off the advice.

    I'd just let this go. It's really not your issue. Keep your daughter away from him.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2009
  3. kaykay

    kaykay New Member

    I understand what you're saying. I may not have presented the whole story because I didn't know how to condense 6-7 years. Sorry.

    I only used Aspergers to let you know previous diagnosis, not to suggest that it is the cause of his behavior, which I do not think AT ALL. I know other children with Aspergers which do not behave anything like this. This is why I came to these boards. For some direction. I don't think the answer is to say, "I knew something like this would happen." when another child (or for that matter, adult) could be harmed.

    I do not offer unsolicited advice. Period.

    Not sure about the professionals she has, but behaviorist was suggested due to another behavior unrelated to the sexual aggression.

    And please don't tell me I don't get it. You have no idea who I am or what I go through on a daily basis.

    I do keep my daughter away from him. I just don't think all of the girls that come into contact with him should have to be subjected to his behavior--this is not listening to bad words, this is threatening behavior.

    In summation...couldn't give every detail, just not enough room; I don't offer unsolicited advice; I do protect my own children; please don't judge ME--you don't know my situation.

    Not looking to offend AT ALL--just a little help.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Ok. I think enough offense has been taken. We will call the very disturbed, very ill (mentally ill) child difficult child for now, if no one has a problem with that.

    Police should be called EVERY time this boy crosses the line. We have laws and statutes for a reason. Walking up to someone's 17yo daughter and lifting her skirt is going to get this difficult child killed in a back alley by someone's fed up non-Asperger's difficult child. Or a group of scared parents.

    We don't want that. At. All.

    So call the police if this boy is menacing. enough calls, with enough people pressing charges, and "the system" will get involved. I don't know what the parents of the difficult child are doing, or what the other parents are doing. I would suggest that parents of teens consult a lawyer or the police to see what can LEGALLY be done. What is the line between stopping him from causing harm, when can that line be APPROACHED, how to get the other teens informed and keep them from ganging up and beating this child to a tragic end of many of their young lives.

    That is how parents can find out what can be done, AND keep their teens safe from this boy. Sadly, teens should not move around alone - they need to stay in groups. If this boy comes up they need to know how to handle situations. If they handle things wrong, it could end in legal problems and/or dangerous situations.

    I can bet a LOT of the teens in the area are VERY angry. They have a right to be. But this boy also has rights.

    This is NOT Aspergers. Not alone. Not without something strange being done tot he boy at many points (or just one. In 1st grade my son met an angry little boy. Boy said women were evil, were devils. My son BELIEVED this. Took us YEARS to work it through. My son IS an Aspie.) This boy is SERIOUSLY, DANGEROUSLY MENTALLY ILL. (Right. Tell you something you didn't know, right?)

    The parents of the difficult child have got the wagons circled. THey know he is sick. Scary sick. You have NO idea the torture they have gone through. Even if you were BEST friends they wouldn't tell you everything. How scared the mom must be that he will attack HER, for instance. How scared they are that he will NEVER leave home and they will die at his hand or the hand of an angry mob out to lynch him. How mom has to get him out of the house to keep him from assaulting HER. It is a sad situation.

    But they are NOT going to get out of "protect him at all costs" mode easily. It probably isn't going to be much fun. But the neighborhood MUST do what it can to learn what LEGAL options are available. Can the kids carry pepper spray to defend themselves? Where is the line between self defense and assault? ALL of this is incredibly important info. Maybe if enough parents are upset you could meet at a church or other place with the police and/or lawyers to learn your options?

    I guarantee that the police know it is a tense area. This will help them keep everyone safe and unharmed. Teens with pepper sprya may not be the best idea. Ask the police what IS the best idea?

    Understand that the parents are in the lowest circle of Hades right now. NOTHING they can do is right at this point. SOMEONE is going to point fingers no matter what they do or have done. Extend an olive branch maybe. Or not.

    Know that the boy is ill but his behavior is criminal and dangerous (in my opinion). Learn how to protect yourself. And your family and friends.

    Then form a plan and stick to it. A plan for SAFETY for EVERYONE, including the difficult child.

    I am sorry. This is a tough and thorny problem.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry I sounded defensive (holding out olive branch). :)Parents of kids who are dangerous often tend to get blamed and talked about and I don't want anyone to think that sexually acting out is a symptom of Aspergers. People misunderstand it enough. Likely he was sexually abused himself at some point in time. Whatever the story is, nobody can help him alone, not even the parents, not even a professional. I agree with Susie. The police should be contacted and the parents should ask what is being done or what to do. I would have called the police on him if he had dared touch my daughter, even if he is mentally ill. in my opinion if all this is presented correctly, he maybe needs to be in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for the protection of others and his own family. really CAN'T make that decision. I think you realize that this is out of your hands, and the best thing you can do is to make sure your own kids are with others at all times. Arm them...Mace, pepper spray, whatever. I have no idea what is wrong with this boy. None of us have any background. Was he adopted? Did his birthmother drink while pregnant? This all makes a difference in how this child's brain works. Is there mental illness on the family tree on either side? Substance abuse?

    I agree that there is no way you can know everything unless you sat in on all the meetings, IEPs, professional appointments etc. and were with this child every night. But you do need to protect your own children. If the parents are in denial, I don't see how you can renew your friendship. If you ever do renew it, my advice is to be a quiet listener. There is nothing better to us than one who will let us vent and not judge. Thanks for coming. Sorry for jumping down your throat. We can be sensitive.
  6. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Unless there is an exact copy of this child somewhere else, I think this child is in my town. In which case, I'm pretty sure the parents have their heads in the sand. Maybe they're just tired, but if it's the same family, they seem to deflect the blame onto others.

    Call the police. Contact an attorney for advice. You have to protect your children and the community.
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with calling the police each and every time. The parents are afraid to do this. But, what can happen if the police do not get involved is much more scary.

    He needs 24 care that parents can not provide. It is impossible for a famiy unit to function under the care this boy needs.
  8. kaykay

    kaykay New Member

    Thank you for the replies. Just to clarify, my daughter handled the situation a long time ago, so thankfully she doesn't have contact with him. My concern is for the general public--we live in a town of about 25000 that is pretty connected through schools, sports, etc. I would hate to think of anything happening.

    As far as the boys, most know him from growing up in the area. Most know his disability and are more than kind, including him in whatever they do. But he is a very big kid, and when he gets out of control, I'm not sure who could control him.

    Susiestar, you are so right. I am hoping that the child gets the care he needs and the community is hurt by him. I want the best for this boy, and I am worried that his parents are not able to see the forest through the trees and get him what he needs. It is very overwhelming for them.

    MidwestMom--olive branch received and thank you. Child isn't adopted, nor was there drinking, but their parenting is not what I think is appropriate--just an opinion and I did teach parenting classes (not that that means anything). There is a lot of yelling, disrespect, anger. This is the way they always parented. I don't see myself renewing this relationship, but I do want everyone to be safe.

    flutterby-- the parents do have their heads in the sand. I know they are overwhelmed and at a loss, don't want to join support groups--even when the kids were little, have alienated those that did offer support. I can't walk in their shoes to know everything, but I must protect my friends and family. I'm afraid I'm being too sensitive about stepping on toes--even though I don't believe this is the time to worry about that! Do you live in a midwest state near L. Michigan?;) And thanks for your support.

    Is CPS not the route to go? I have very mixed feelings about them. Saw too much when I was in the working world and the system didn't always do what it was supposed to. Should I contact his Special Education. teacher and ask for direction. I know he can't give me info.

    Aaaaahhhh. I'm rambling. Thanks again for the help. I'll continue to ponder this dilemma.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This just occurred to me as I read what had been posted.

    I hope and PRAY that the family has NO other children. How horrible it would be to have to grow and learn with that kind of danger facing you at every moment.

    Sigh. Just another reason to pray.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm not sure I understand your dilemma. You aren't the guardian of the difficult child with the sexual behavior and you say that your daughter took care of things and the boys in the neighborhood are watching things or something, so exactly what is the question? If you are just looking for a way to prevent something, I'm not so sure you can. You can call all over town and tell them there is a problem or concern, but they can't do hardly anything either until the difficult child actually commits an offense AND gets turned in for it.
  11. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Kay, I'm in Ohio.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I know you care about the community safety, but in this case there is little you CAN do. Whatever you do is going to leave the parents feeling attacked and defensive - and possibly resentful of the child. This is a recipe for child abuse. You CAN NOT know what goes on behind closed doors. You have NO idea if the child was abused in any way by them, or by anyone else. Children with disabilities are OFTEN seen as easy prey by abusers. They often CANNOT verbalize what happened. If they can tell anyone they are often not believed. So this behavior can happen because they were abused. They are hurt and angry, and believe it is OK to act that way because it happened to them.

    Even if you call everyone in town, NO ONE can tell you anything. Often all that the teachers/school/anyone will tell the family is that you are stirring up trouble. A recipe for disaster if ever there was one with this boy.

    The boy is a 14yo child with disabilities. CPS will ask him if anything happened to him - IF they do much of anything. He probably CANNOT verbalize things, the disability and likely stern warnings from his parents to never tell (IF anything did happen to him) will keep him quiet. Cps will probably not do much besides offer parenting classes to the parents. You already know they are not receptive.

    Teachers, other school personnel, church officials, other people in the community cannot do much. Or will not do much. IF everyone who had a problem with the boy reported it to the police AND CPS then MAYBE in a few months they would do something besides just talk to the parents. Each talk will set the boy up for more of the treatment his parents are already giving him - which you feel is inappropriate (if I understand you).

    The BEST thing you can do is to speak to the police. Set up a community protection meeting, like a neighborhood watch meeting. Salt the crowd with a few people who will speak up about this child. But also about other problems, such as sex offenders living in the community (there are probably several).

    Knowledge is power. In this case you need knowledge to keep your family safe. Sadly, you cannot do much about (or for) this difficult child.
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Are you thinking CPS, because you think his behaviour could be the result of being abused? Or is it because he is abusing other children? Whichever it is, the situation is very complex and I'm not sure what if anything you could do, to involve CPS. Unless your child is directly affected, it is up to whoever is affected to make the report, either to the police or to CPS. You've already got enoguh training to realise that your hands are very much tied, in so many ways.

    Depending on what is really going on in this kid's head, he may not have been abused at all. There are so many possibilities. A factor has to be his own pubescent hormones zinging around plus (from your description) lack of parents being proactive and acknowledging anything needing to be done.

    Don't anyone start yelling at me, but I am going to talk about the possibility of this being Asperger's. I have reasons for this, so bear with me.
    Let's say that this boy DOES have Asperger's. Another problem he appears to have, from your description, is parental uninvolvement. I've seen it before - parents can go in two possible directions, when they're told they have a child with Asperger's (or other problems). They can either inform themselves and do what they can to help their child overcome what problems they can, or they can just carry on living day to day and deal with each crisis as it occurs.
    The thing with Asperger's - these kids CAN learn social skills, they CAN learn appropriate behaviour, but it takes active, proactive, malleable and compassionate parenting. You can't just leave the kids unsupported, untrained and uneducated.

    Helen Keller is a good example - your description of these parents sounds to me like Helen Keller's parents, before Annie Sullivan. Now, Helen Keller's parents were not bad people, but they were overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. At least they did apply to have someone come and help them.

    But parents whose coping strategy is denial and isolating themselves from support and information, are not in a good position to help their child learn appropriate behaviour.

    Now, if you take a child like this, who has no models for normal behaviour (and they need models, they do not learn merely from being yelled at) COULD go the way you describe.
    What you describe as your response (talking to him and telling him hisbehaviour was unacceptable) - that is what I would do as a parent. But your response would have been virtually worthless without follow-through from anywhere else.

    Now, I did say that Asperger's alone plus teen hormones plus parental uninvolvement COULD explain this behaviour. But the others are right - chances are, there is a lot more to it. For this to be simply Asperger's, the accompanying parental uninvolvement would have to be extreme, I feel.

    But there are other conditions which can often get misdiagnosed as Asperger's. Asperger's itself is often misdiagnosed to begin with. Medicine is a very inexact science.

    People do get very concerned when, because of this frequent confusion over what a diagnosis happens to be in a difficult child who is causing deep concern in a community, the label of Asperger's gets associated with dangerous attacks to other people either sexual or violent (or both). For example, the Port Arthur massacre where Martin Bryant went on a hunting spree through a tourist attraction on a public holiday purely because he wanted to hunt people and kill them - the media made a big thing about the claim that he had a diagnosis of Asperger's. The implication then was, ALL people with Asperger's must be equally dangerous. But Martin Bryant, whatever his true condition, is also a product of a weird and inconsistent upbringing coupled with some instances of sheer idiocy in parenting (such as his father buying him guns when his stability was very questionable). At the time, the various autism associations were very angry with the media spin. But the facts remain - someone had given him a diagnosis of Asperger's, so the stigma was inevitable.

    The thing is, Aspies can get violent, but usually when provoked or extremely frustrated. Aspies can, with support, learn to fit in to society in some way. They are capable of learning the social skills which don't come natually. They are certainly capable of learning to NOT look up girls' dresses.

    So could this just be Asperger's? Yes. If it is, does this explain all you describe? No.

    But then we come to - why is any of this relevant? Knowing any of this makes absolutely no difference to what you can do. You can't get through to the parents - you tried back when you were friends and tey didn't listen then.

    I'm thinking about your (limited) choices.

    1) Try talking to the family. Nope, you tried that.

    2) Talk to other people in the community. Nope, that would be slander and would be actionable.

    3) Keep your own child(ren) safe and if anyone reports to you that they have had a problem, urge them to report it - yes, that is not only your right, but could be considered your responsibility.

    What would (3) mean to the difficult child? It COULD mean that he gets into seriously hot water, legally, and ends up in the prison system without anyone ensuring he gets the medical help he undoubtedly needs. That would be a shame, but as things are going, that could be on the cards in his future anyway, if this keeps on.
    Or it could mean that someone steps in and court-orders neuropsychologist assessment and intervention, despite parental efforts to sweep it all under the carpet. THAT surely would be a good thing? It at least give him the best chance of learning what is appropriate behaviour and what is not.

    There are medical conditions which have hypersexuality as part of the syndrome. Certainly if I were the parent of such a difficult child and was made aware of this, I would be asking his doctors for help and maybe an explanation. You don't know that these parents haven't done tihs but maybe have a doctor who is assuring them that he is fine. Yes, it happens. If you read these pages you will encounter such horror stories.

    The thing is, what you describe is a nasty social problem for the community and if it continues, the excrement is going to hit the air conditioning very soon whether you personally do/say anything or not.

    So what do you do? Where it is appropriate for you to do so, report it. In other words, if it impacts you personally, if you witness something personally or it happens to you personally, report it. But don't stick your neck out too far or you could make things worse (unwittingly causing a 'boy cried wolf' scenario, if you report too readily). Otherwise, and I hae to say it, you have to sit and wait.
    You can't warn other people (they will find out soon enough) because you leave yourself wide open to some very nasty accusations yourself. And that would muddy the waters badly, which would interfere with your desire to protect people.

    I wish I could give you something more concrete, but this is a very difficult situation.

    Some parents are overwhelmed; some parents seem to be doing nothing but are in fact doing everything they can. I've been accused of letting my kid get away with appalling behaviour when in fact his behaviour (while not meeting normal standards) is actually showing amazing improvement. And some parents have simply given up and are bracing themselves for criticism by choosing to insulate themselves and their child from any charges which may be laid.

    Example - when difficult child 3 was 5 years old and just starting school, he would often shout at his teachers especially of those teachers were the sort who shouted at the students. For difficult child 3, he would treat other people in exactly the same way they treated him. So as you can imagine, the sort of adult who uses control, shouting and sarcasm to discipline students would find themselves receiving sarcasm and shouting back from him. Of course, those people then attacked me for my bad parenting and told me that my child needed firm discipline and a good spanking. Even good friends of mine believed I was a slack and complacent parent. A neighbour who I thought was supportive and who had a son with cerebral palsy was surprised when I said that difficult child 3 was expected to qualify for support funding. "There's nothing wrong with him," she said to me. "He's just a spoiled little boy."
    I was so hurt - I had been there for her when her son was critically injured, despite her son's injuries and severe disabilities we could see how much better he was functioning mentally than difficult child 3, and yet - she was in denial over my son. It was easier to believe I was a bad parent, than to accept that there were big problems.

    What I suggest you do - don't go stirring up trouble (or doing anything where you could be accused of stirring up trouble). But anyone who has already spoken to you and expressed their concerns - talk to them and discuss things with them. Talk to the police OFF the record and ask their advice on what you should do/can do. Maybe you and other parents "in the know" could organise some sort of roster to keep a protective eye on each other's children and to report to each other any problems you see. But I'm sorry, I don't think there's anything more you can do for now.

    It really is a case of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sometimes in a very emotional complex situation the solution goal is hard to keep in focus.

    a. Are you the only one who is speaking of this concern or are there parents that you personally know who have expressed concerns also?

    b. Doesn't it seem logical that the police IF called should be called by a victim or a family member of the victim?

    c. You can have compassion for the parents at the same time you seek safety for your child and is not taking sides.

    in my humble opinion the very safest step is to make a child abuse hot line call to your CPS tollfree line. The information you give should be specific to demonstrate sincere concern for the child and his peers. It does not have to be a lambasting of his parents. IF you call (anonymously) and give the
    simple facts that a series of inappropriate events have taken place and you fear someone will be hurt and/or that the boy is not receiving adequate assistance from a child psychiatrist CPS will visit the family. They have the right to check with the school. They may ask questions of neighbors BUT.......the main point is......some help may go to the family.

    It's not your burden to solve. in my humble opinion it is your responsibility to report your concerns before something happens. DDD

    PS: GFGmom is a grossly inadequate parent who just doesn't have the self-discipline needed to parent children with needs. Her intentions, for the most part, are honorable. That boy's parents may be like she is..doing
    their best and unable to achieve the goal. You can help them, too.
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Marg, hey :) In the US you can tell your neighbor whatever you want to about whomever you like and it's not actionable. She can indeed get a group of parents together by talking about the situation, and she can even express why she feels it is happening. I live in Gossip City. There are no laws against things that you say, even if it's untrue or turns out to be untrue or is just speculation.

    If a child without Aspergers was brought up in a kooky way he would likely be just as screwed up. I'm guessing there is a lot more than Aspergers to this child. From the sound of it, the parents ARE trying to get help. He's on medications. He's seeing somebody, God only knows who, but somebody. The word "Aspergers" is thrown around here like a hot potato. But the point really isn't the label or if this child gets the proper help or even if he can. We all know that not all kids can be helped. I will stand by that--I tried to help and adopt a boy who was already lost. Some kids are born weird--Jeffrey Dahmer, Wisconsin's famous cannibal, did not really have a horrible upbringing. He did see his parents divorce. Whoppee! Half the kids alive see their parents divorce and they don't eat people. His sibling is ok. Same with Ted Bundy. His sibling was the one who turned him in. Teddy had a normal home life too. What makes them this or that way? We don't really know. People without difficult children always think it's the parenting. I don't think tha's fair or right, especially since the same parents can raise four great kids and one who is dangerous to society. I think there's a large genetic factor combined with possible physical problems that we haven't learned about yet.

    At any rate, here in the US again :D anyone can call CPS just because they suspect there MAY be child abuse. A nasty neighbor, who got mad at me, once called CPS because my kids were playing in the street. Well, it was a dead end street with no traffic and all kids played in it. The CPS worker HAD to come up and visit. She left in five minutes, laughing, but if this woman suspects this child is not being parented in a safe or good way, she can call CPS. It's an option she has. They can be very, very bad and they can be very, very good. CPS can be the first step in getting state funding for an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I think the entire community would benefit, including the boy, if he were in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) where his behavior could be monitored, especially if he has younger sibings.
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    MWM is right about calls to CPS and what KayKay can say to anyone. Actually MWM isn't 100% right about calls to CPS. In many, but not all, states, ANYONE who sees and/or suspects child abuse or neglect is REQUIRED to call CPS. Most states require at least teachers, ministers, therapists, child care workers of any kind to report any suspected abuse or neglect to CPS. Some require it of every adult. Some states even include teenage babysitters to report. Before I was 18 I made two reports. One was a family of 8 kids who hired me to babysit and the house was SCARY dirty. Scary like poop on the floor from animals AND people (poople?), headlice (one of the kids showed me a bunch of them like they were PETS!) and kids with marks all over their bottoms and legs and stomachs from being hit with a belt and marks from where one of the adults would throw a rope around them and hog tie them if they were "bein' bad" (just like if they were cattle!). The house was actually condemned and the landlord couldn't even sell it. The other was a child who came into the store where I worked. She had long pants and sleeves on in even the hottest weather. One day she wore a skirt and she had oozing sores and burns all over her legs. To the point it was staining her skirt through and I had to wash off the floor that she sat on to look at books. When she went to the bathroom I snuck back to quietly wash off the sores and get the address from her. I was lucky that they paid for their books by check that day, so I had an address.

    So, knowing about this child abusing the OTHER kids would require a report, and then his behavior might be a sign of abuse of some kind, so that would be another report. She needs to have the address of the family and the names of the parents if possible, and a phone number if she knows that.

    The boy could be Aspergers. With Wiz the diagnosis was questioned for a while by the docs. It is the only answer that fits. With this boy, it could be that what HE hyperfocuses or obsesses on is sex or even seeing female sexual body parts and also of murder and gore. They may or may not be combined for him.

    But the chance that it is a sign of abuse is too great, so reporting it seems, in my humble opinion, to be the best way to get help for this child and for the family and for the rest of the children in the community.

    I hope that the boy is helped.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    KayKay, I am late to this thread, but it's clear this difficult child has tons of stuff going on, and needs a better diagnosis ... which won't help, unless his mom gets some help. Saying she has her head in the sand is putting it mildly.
    If someone calls the police and CPS gets involved, it may just be the best thing that ever happened to the boy. He's certainly not getting any help at home, and seems to be getting worse.
    One can only hope.
    I am sorry for your daughter's situation and can only send hope and strength.
  18. kaykay

    kaykay New Member

    Thanks for all of the information. I have been gone for several days. It is a lot to think about. in my humble opinion, I think this situation goes much beyond his diagnosis of Aspergers. He does have a younger brother who also has the same diagnosis who doesn't exhibit any of these traits. I know every situation is different, but the kids with same diagnosis who are his age, in his school etc. do not behave the same.

    TerryJ2, I think you understand what I am saying. There are attempts being made, but they are half-xxxxx (can I say that?). I think a more thorough diagnosis needs to be made. They have been going to the same therapist for at least the last 5 years (not sure if they are still going), but things have gotten worse. The difficult child is smart and manipulative. The parents are not working with anyone for issues they may or may not have. I think therapy would help at least as an outlet. The first time I met the father's mother, she told me her son needed therapy for his anger. I'm guessing that is a pretty big clue.

    DDD--I am not the only one with this concern, but the family separates themselves from social situations. The difficult child is allowed to go about the neighborhood unsupervised, and usually only kids have contact with him.

    I was thinking CPS for there to possibly be some sort of court order for a re-diagnosis. I have seen things go down that road though, and wouldn't want it for anyone when it doesn't work out.

    There is a new, from what I hear, very good Residential Treatment Center (RTC) nearby. The family thought about sending him there, were supposed to visit, it didn't fit in their schedule, so they let it go. As one previous poster said, they are not proactive, but deal in the now with each problem. They also said their insurance wouldn't pay for it, so they didn't pursue it.

    Anyway, nothing new has occurred, as far as I know. Thanks again for your thoughts. I will keep you posted.
    Lasted edited by : Jul 12, 2009
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. Do let us know. I feel badly for everyone. It's nice that you care.
  20. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    "The family separates itself from social situations". To me that is a red flag. Probably they separate themselves because they know their child has problems. on the other hand, they "may" separate themselves because they know how his sexually aggressive behavior pattern started.

    Please consider confidentially calling the child abuse hot line and sharing your concerns. Don't tell anyone (except possibly your husband) that you are calling. It is anonymous for many reasons. This child could be a victim who needs help. You have no way of knowing. By calling you will be taking action to protect children...others or the boy himself. It is the right thing to do. DDD