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Substance Abuse
At a crossroads, need advice please
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 656606" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I think you are getting really good advice on this thread. </p><p></p><p>First, you can't monitor any adult, anytime, whether in recovery or not. I would not monitor him, his comings and goings, his bank account, his employment, his anything. He is now a grown man. He will have to monitor himself and his life...or not.</p><p></p><p>I went through this several times with my son. I know you are so hopeful right now, and you are thinking that he is a fragile being and needs a lot of support after being in rehab for this period of time, and doing so successfully. First, this is great, and a wonderful first step.</p><p></p><p>He does need structure and a plan and ongoing support when he leaves this place, whenever that is.</p><p></p><p>What kind of services/support do they provide for a person's transition? I would strongly suggest he go directly to a halfway house or sober living house. Most of those require the person to get a job within the first two or three weeks and then they have money to pay for those expenses. If they don't have a car, they will take them and pick them up from work and/or they can walk or ride a bike or take the bus. </p><p></p><p>My son lived in one, and sadly, he wasn't ready for recovery and ended up using and stealing from the other people there, and getting kicked out. I paid for the first two weeks, and then we had planned to pay partially for the next periods of time until he was getting full paychecks and could take over his own bills. That never happened. </p><p></p><p>I don't believe God intended for our adult grown children to live with us after they are grown. I know some can/do/need to do it temporarily, but it's my experience that it's not good for us and it's not good for them.</p><p></p><p>Someone already said: You already established this boundary and it's a good, healthy one. Bringing him back into your home is going backward for you and for him.</p><p></p><p>I have also heard that a minimum 90 days is what every drug addict needs, and the more time the better. My son was also in a Salvation Army rehab, and again, wasn't ready for recovery, and he was angry that he worked full time and got no money except a small allowance. He conveniently neglected to see that they were providing his food and shelter and utilities and medical care and recovery tools. Whatever---we can't make them see and appreciate what they don't see and appreciate. </p><p></p><p>Your son needs to learn---with support and structure---how to exist and function in the real world. He may be ready, and he may relapse. I hope not, but be prepared in your mind and heart for all eventualities. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. You can only do what you can live with and we are here for you regardless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 656606, member: 17542"] I think you are getting really good advice on this thread. First, you can't monitor any adult, anytime, whether in recovery or not. I would not monitor him, his comings and goings, his bank account, his employment, his anything. He is now a grown man. He will have to monitor himself and his life...or not. I went through this several times with my son. I know you are so hopeful right now, and you are thinking that he is a fragile being and needs a lot of support after being in rehab for this period of time, and doing so successfully. First, this is great, and a wonderful first step. He does need structure and a plan and ongoing support when he leaves this place, whenever that is. What kind of services/support do they provide for a person's transition? I would strongly suggest he go directly to a halfway house or sober living house. Most of those require the person to get a job within the first two or three weeks and then they have money to pay for those expenses. If they don't have a car, they will take them and pick them up from work and/or they can walk or ride a bike or take the bus. My son lived in one, and sadly, he wasn't ready for recovery and ended up using and stealing from the other people there, and getting kicked out. I paid for the first two weeks, and then we had planned to pay partially for the next periods of time until he was getting full paychecks and could take over his own bills. That never happened. I don't believe God intended for our adult grown children to live with us after they are grown. I know some can/do/need to do it temporarily, but it's my experience that it's not good for us and it's not good for them. Someone already said: You already established this boundary and it's a good, healthy one. Bringing him back into your home is going backward for you and for him. I have also heard that a minimum 90 days is what every drug addict needs, and the more time the better. My son was also in a Salvation Army rehab, and again, wasn't ready for recovery, and he was angry that he worked full time and got no money except a small allowance. He conveniently neglected to see that they were providing his food and shelter and utilities and medical care and recovery tools. Whatever---we can't make them see and appreciate what they don't see and appreciate. Your son needs to learn---with support and structure---how to exist and function in the real world. He may be ready, and he may relapse. I hope not, but be prepared in your mind and heart for all eventualities. Hang in there. You can only do what you can live with and we are here for you regardless. [/QUOTE]
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At a crossroads, need advice please
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