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Substance Abuse
At a crossroads, need advice please
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 656808" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I have read this with interest. I hope that his faith is sincere and what he is saying is not just an attempt to manipulate and prey on YOUR faith. </p><p></p><p>While he is there, PLEASE speak to some truly qualified rehab therapists about the best way for him to move on from a program. Ask them if coming back to your home where he used and pretty much did nothing but use is the best way for him to succeed as a next step. Ask the people in charge of the program that he is in about what the next step is for those who SUCCESSFULLY leave their program. Ask what the signs that he is truly ready to leave are, what the signs that he is not ready are, and how much you should or should not support or monitor him once he leaves them. </p><p></p><p>I don't think taking all of his money and saving it for him to have a place and a life are the best. I think that is infantilizing him and not empowering him. Of course you want to help him. Of course you want to see him succeed, but what you are not really addressing is the family nature of the disease of addiction. You are saying the EXACT things that the other parents of addicts are saying, and sadly, if you follow through the results will probably be what they have been for the other parents and their children - relapse, more stress, relapse. </p><p></p><p>Please, know that you are NOT qualified to be his rehab, his supervision, or to control his addiction, his behaviors or even his money. He needs to do these things with professionals. he loves you, you love him, that isn't in question. Giving you control over his life is not the answer that HE needs. HE has to figure out a next step that does NOT include drugs, alcohol, other addictions, or dependencies. That includes dependence on YOU or your home and income. What are HIS plans and how does HE plan to achieve them?</p><p></p><p>When he is truly ready to leave, he will know what he wants to do with his life, he will know what he needs to do to accomplish that, and he will have figured out how to pay for it BY HIMSELF. Until then, he is beyond your ability to help. At least to help by having him live with you.</p><p></p><p>Please remember that you don't succeed by doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Going back into your home, as your child, will only keep him from succeeding.</p><p></p><p>Before you trust that an addiction is truly gone in just 70 something days, talk to someone who's job it is to counsel those who are in recovery. Ask them about the wisdom of your plan. Ask them what the realistic odds of success are with your plan, and what a HEALTHY plan should look like. </p><p></p><p>Addiction is a family disease because the entire family gets sick even if only 1 member is getting high. Without real help, you will most likely sabotage his recovery with the best intentions in the world. By real help, I mean help from someone who has been in recovery for a long time (years) and who has real experience with successful recovery. </p><p></p><p>I hope and pray that whatever you do has the best, most successful and healthy results.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 656808, member: 1233"] I have read this with interest. I hope that his faith is sincere and what he is saying is not just an attempt to manipulate and prey on YOUR faith. While he is there, PLEASE speak to some truly qualified rehab therapists about the best way for him to move on from a program. Ask them if coming back to your home where he used and pretty much did nothing but use is the best way for him to succeed as a next step. Ask the people in charge of the program that he is in about what the next step is for those who SUCCESSFULLY leave their program. Ask what the signs that he is truly ready to leave are, what the signs that he is not ready are, and how much you should or should not support or monitor him once he leaves them. I don't think taking all of his money and saving it for him to have a place and a life are the best. I think that is infantilizing him and not empowering him. Of course you want to help him. Of course you want to see him succeed, but what you are not really addressing is the family nature of the disease of addiction. You are saying the EXACT things that the other parents of addicts are saying, and sadly, if you follow through the results will probably be what they have been for the other parents and their children - relapse, more stress, relapse. Please, know that you are NOT qualified to be his rehab, his supervision, or to control his addiction, his behaviors or even his money. He needs to do these things with professionals. he loves you, you love him, that isn't in question. Giving you control over his life is not the answer that HE needs. HE has to figure out a next step that does NOT include drugs, alcohol, other addictions, or dependencies. That includes dependence on YOU or your home and income. What are HIS plans and how does HE plan to achieve them? When he is truly ready to leave, he will know what he wants to do with his life, he will know what he needs to do to accomplish that, and he will have figured out how to pay for it BY HIMSELF. Until then, he is beyond your ability to help. At least to help by having him live with you. Please remember that you don't succeed by doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Going back into your home, as your child, will only keep him from succeeding. Before you trust that an addiction is truly gone in just 70 something days, talk to someone who's job it is to counsel those who are in recovery. Ask them about the wisdom of your plan. Ask them what the realistic odds of success are with your plan, and what a HEALTHY plan should look like. Addiction is a family disease because the entire family gets sick even if only 1 member is getting high. Without real help, you will most likely sabotage his recovery with the best intentions in the world. By real help, I mean help from someone who has been in recovery for a long time (years) and who has real experience with successful recovery. I hope and pray that whatever you do has the best, most successful and healthy results. [/QUOTE]
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At a crossroads, need advice please
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