I'll be honest, I've never visited a forum like this before, but I have no idea what to do with my difficult child anymore (this could get long since I'm new and everything started 4 years ago). It also may make little sense as I'm typing as it comes to mind (hopefully I'll get better at this). In early 2004, my mother died. We were living with her at the time as she needed constant care. My difficult child worshiped her grandmother as a lot of three year olds do. She took it hard, but didn't understand to much because of her age. Not long after the death, my difficult child started acting out. At first I chalked it up to stress and her age. She would throw fits, not listen, basically normal toddler things. I found out I was pregnant with easy child #1about a month after my mom passed. Now the difficult child had something else to deal with. The day we brought him home from the hospital, she pushed a car seat over onto his head (he was fine). I found it odd that she would do something that violent, but again chalked it up to age and stress. Since then she has only gotten worse. She still throws tantrums. By tantrums, I mean she throws herself to the ground kicking and screaming if she doesn't get her way fast enough (things are worse if she doesn't get her way at all). When she was 5 she wanted to go outside. I was still asleep and my husband had fallen asleep on the couch. The doors were all locked (complete with security chain). Sh moved a chair, undid the lock, went outside while her brother followed her. He was 1. A neighbor found him in the parking lot. She admits that she knew he followed her out and she didn't want to take him back inside, so she left him out front to go to a friends house. Last year a boy in class made her mad. She grabbed a pair of scissors and started cutting his shirt off of him. That was when the school sent her through anger management the first time. I now have easy child #2. She has had three more deaths to deal with as well (just in the past year). To make things even better, we became homeless last year. My difficult child's school was amazing. All of the teachers pooled their resources, paid for a hotel for us to stay in for a month and then paid the $1200 deposit and first months rent on our apartment. She started yelling at her teacher and refused to do any class work. She was sent through grief counseling and anger management again. Just a few days ago she asked if she could play outside. She was told she could, but that she couldn't go down to her friends house because it was almost dinner. My husband caught her and sent her to her room. She proceeded to throw a tantrum so I informed her she was grounded to her room for the weekend. Her response was to go into her room, lay on her bed and kick out her bedroom window. Her family doctor suggested therapy a while ago (around the time of death number three). It took a couple of weeks to convince the husband that it was worth a shot. It took the nurse almost a month to find someone that would take her insurance. When she finally did an appoitment was scheduled 6 months out! She has 5 months to go before her preliminary appoitment! I don't know what to do to control her. I've tried every method I can think of. Rewards, spankings, groundings, at one point in time we had a giant posterboard on the wall of all the rules she had to follow (if she followed them all for the day she got a star, once she earned enough stars she got a reward, lowest reward level was 10 stars, ater three months she still hadn't gotten 10). I've tried giving her a daily schedule. My husband is disabled and helps as much as he can, but I am the one that primarily handles disciplining the kids (always have been, even before his leg gave out). He''s much better now about backing up what I say (thank god). Her school wants to keep her in the second grade again next year. They say its because she isn't emotionally mature enough to handle it. It seems to me that keeping her with ounger kids isn't going to do anything to help her maturity level. She's already one of the oldest kids in her grade (her birthday is a week after the age cutoff for the district). Shouldn't they want her with kids her own age so she can see how they act? I don't know if there is something wrong with her, if it's just her basic personality, or if I failed somewhere. All I know is that I don't know what to do to help her.