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At his lowest ebb.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 685941" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>BG, he manipulates you. Or maybe the right way to say it is he punishes you, for not saving him. He is so abdicating adult responsibility that he is wishing, believing that a good mommy can make it all right. Change his diapers and give him a bottle. And if you don't, he will try to make you feel as bad as he does by sharing every ounce of his despair and more.</p><p></p><p>That is why boundaries are so important. You must protect yourself because allowing him to do this is horrible for him, and worse for you. The only way this will change is if he gets sick and tired. Thousands and millions of people quit drinking every hour, every day, every year. There is no reason in the world he cannot do so. He will when he is ready.</p><p></p><p>However many times he says he can't, he won't, never ever, means nothing, if one day he decides he will and he can. For one minute, and then one hour and one day and one year.</p><p></p><p>M, my significant other was a lifelong alcoholic. In his early 30's he quit for 19 years, relapsed, land 6 years ago, decided one day to stop, and did.</p><p></p><p>The thing that needs to happen for your son is he needs to want it for himself. Not just want it, require it, more than one other thing.</p><p></p><p>The more he thinks stopping has to do with you or any other person, the harder it is. That is what I think.</p><p></p><p>BG, if you need to make distance, it is OK. Really. If the way he lives and how he treats you hurts you too much, it is OK to set a limit. When I set a limit with my son, he stepped up and began to set limits for himself. He wanted a relationship with me. He wanted me in his life. He began to really see that I would not tolerate anything and everything he would throw at me. He curbed what I found offensive, just like that. </p><p></p><p>You cannot control whether or not your son drinks. You can control how much you allow him to hurt you. You get to define what is hurtful. Not him. There is nothing in a the world you have to justify to him or to any other person. Just decide. </p><p></p><p>I said to my son: If you are going to talk about those things, I do not want to talk. I will hang up the phone. And I did. Every single time. I did not call him. He decided he could curb it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 685941, member: 18958"] BG, he manipulates you. Or maybe the right way to say it is he punishes you, for not saving him. He is so abdicating adult responsibility that he is wishing, believing that a good mommy can make it all right. Change his diapers and give him a bottle. And if you don't, he will try to make you feel as bad as he does by sharing every ounce of his despair and more. That is why boundaries are so important. You must protect yourself because allowing him to do this is horrible for him, and worse for you. The only way this will change is if he gets sick and tired. Thousands and millions of people quit drinking every hour, every day, every year. There is no reason in the world he cannot do so. He will when he is ready. However many times he says he can't, he won't, never ever, means nothing, if one day he decides he will and he can. For one minute, and then one hour and one day and one year. M, my significant other was a lifelong alcoholic. In his early 30's he quit for 19 years, relapsed, land 6 years ago, decided one day to stop, and did. The thing that needs to happen for your son is he needs to want it for himself. Not just want it, require it, more than one other thing. The more he thinks stopping has to do with you or any other person, the harder it is. That is what I think. BG, if you need to make distance, it is OK. Really. If the way he lives and how he treats you hurts you too much, it is OK to set a limit. When I set a limit with my son, he stepped up and began to set limits for himself. He wanted a relationship with me. He wanted me in his life. He began to really see that I would not tolerate anything and everything he would throw at me. He curbed what I found offensive, just like that. You cannot control whether or not your son drinks. You can control how much you allow him to hurt you. You get to define what is hurtful. Not him. There is nothing in a the world you have to justify to him or to any other person. Just decide. I said to my son: If you are going to talk about those things, I do not want to talk. I will hang up the phone. And I did. Every single time. I did not call him. He decided he could curb it. [/QUOTE]
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