Lost in sadness
Active Member
So, its been a while and I need you al!. I am breaking inside, trying to live my life but filled with pain, guilt and sadness. I haven’t been on here because there was just so much going on, so much to write but I simply have no where to go with all of my feelings.
Long story short, weeks of chaotic behavior with my son, jumping out of a car when I was driving, buying a car, driving whilst under the influence and crashing it, (I have reported incidents to the police) kicking off, verbally abusing me, blaming me for his life, self harming, taking an overdose and presenting at A&E asking for help. GP diagnosed Personality Disorder and he admitted he struggled to get along with people, had major mood swings and sometimes did things but could not tell the difference between what was real and what was reality. We finally got an appointment with mental health services
I have had police visit my house looking for him, calling my phone and he is now wanted in two County’s for minor crimes.
He kicked off during the mental health assessment so I left the room to allow him to say what he needed to. He came out and told me they said he had emotionally unstable Personality disorder due to trauma! We go to Council offices to try and get housing as he would now be classed as vulnerable. They said they could offer emergency housing until they had received written confirmation from the mental health services that he has this condition. I allow him home for the night until they can sort something. He goes out for a “drink” with mates saying he would be a couple of hours.
3am in morning I hear doors slamming etc. I ignore it. In the morning I go in his room to find a mate staying, his room looks like a squat with bottles everywhere etc I ask them to leave. He kicks off. I leave the house as he scares me and return later to find the house smelling like weed!! He finds somewhere to stay.
Paperwork arrives, Mental health diagnosis? Nothing wrong with him!!! I am angry and despairing that they are doing nothing. Twice now GPs have given him a diagnosis and twice mental health services say there is nothing wrong, and to just try and get counseling for his cannabis use. I read the report and see he has not told the truth and it even says he accused me of lying and that he is “picked on”. He denied carrying a knife and the fact he has previously used it!
Council offered a couple of places for him and he was supposed to complete paperwork and send it back. It remains unopened in his email account.
The worst mistake he has made was to use my ipad and forget to log out. For the last 10 days I have been reading all of his messages and I feel distraught at his life! The lies, the manipulation and the truth of the life he lives. The way he treats people is appalling! He contacts dozens of girls daily like some sexual predator and often they block him thinking he is weird. He lies to everyone about his life, he is not just using cannabis but cocaine and pills and alcohol, Selling goods that I have no idea where he is getting. He has people after him, threatening him. I know he has one set of clothes and that’s it, everything else is all round the country. In fact I am going this afternoon to one house to collect a bag of things. He doesn’t even seem to care. He would sell his soul. I am terrified for his safety and the way his life appears to get worse by the day. It’s finally breaking me.
I feel I now need to tell him I know the truth about what I know and tell him that until he wants to change this I cannot have him in my life anymore, but what sort of mum does that? Please help!
Long story short, weeks of chaotic behavior with my son, jumping out of a car when I was driving, buying a car, driving whilst under the influence and crashing it, (I have reported incidents to the police) kicking off, verbally abusing me, blaming me for his life, self harming, taking an overdose and presenting at A&E asking for help. GP diagnosed Personality Disorder and he admitted he struggled to get along with people, had major mood swings and sometimes did things but could not tell the difference between what was real and what was reality. We finally got an appointment with mental health services
I have had police visit my house looking for him, calling my phone and he is now wanted in two County’s for minor crimes.
He kicked off during the mental health assessment so I left the room to allow him to say what he needed to. He came out and told me they said he had emotionally unstable Personality disorder due to trauma! We go to Council offices to try and get housing as he would now be classed as vulnerable. They said they could offer emergency housing until they had received written confirmation from the mental health services that he has this condition. I allow him home for the night until they can sort something. He goes out for a “drink” with mates saying he would be a couple of hours.
3am in morning I hear doors slamming etc. I ignore it. In the morning I go in his room to find a mate staying, his room looks like a squat with bottles everywhere etc I ask them to leave. He kicks off. I leave the house as he scares me and return later to find the house smelling like weed!! He finds somewhere to stay.
Paperwork arrives, Mental health diagnosis? Nothing wrong with him!!! I am angry and despairing that they are doing nothing. Twice now GPs have given him a diagnosis and twice mental health services say there is nothing wrong, and to just try and get counseling for his cannabis use. I read the report and see he has not told the truth and it even says he accused me of lying and that he is “picked on”. He denied carrying a knife and the fact he has previously used it!
Council offered a couple of places for him and he was supposed to complete paperwork and send it back. It remains unopened in his email account.
The worst mistake he has made was to use my ipad and forget to log out. For the last 10 days I have been reading all of his messages and I feel distraught at his life! The lies, the manipulation and the truth of the life he lives. The way he treats people is appalling! He contacts dozens of girls daily like some sexual predator and often they block him thinking he is weird. He lies to everyone about his life, he is not just using cannabis but cocaine and pills and alcohol, Selling goods that I have no idea where he is getting. He has people after him, threatening him. I know he has one set of clothes and that’s it, everything else is all round the country. In fact I am going this afternoon to one house to collect a bag of things. He doesn’t even seem to care. He would sell his soul. I am terrified for his safety and the way his life appears to get worse by the day. It’s finally breaking me.
I feel I now need to tell him I know the truth about what I know and tell him that until he wants to change this I cannot have him in my life anymore, but what sort of mum does that? Please help!