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Parent Emeritus
At our wits end with 23 year old son. Any advise welcome!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 724131" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>I’m sorry for what is happening to your family and with your son. It’s probably even harder to reckon, with the promise that he showed</p><p></p><p>But one car accident is one thing, this sounds like substance abuse and/or a psychiatric issue.</p><p></p><p>Neither of which are reasons to tolerate an adult verbally abusing you in your home.</p><p></p><p>The advice about getting support for yourself is so important. Because, at the end of the day, you will have to gain some clarity and emotionally detangle yourself from his choices and outcome. </p><p></p><p>Hopefully with optimism and strength, you will communicate the boundaries for what behavior you will accept in your home from your son — whether he’s a future doctor or an addict, or both.</p><p></p><p>If you choose to support him while he is working on his issues, and being a good tenant, then that is gravy.</p><p></p><p>It seems like such a massive stretch to get to that mindset, I know. We lose our bearings an inch at a time out of love and concern and a desire to understand and help and even to preserve their futures, which they seem to be jeopardizing.</p><p></p><p>But your son isn’t supposed to be treating you this way. The reason why he is might be a mystery to you, but that doesn’t make the answer negotiable. And negotiating with him or yourself about the behavior hurts everyone. </p><p></p><p>His future won’t be sustainable if he doesn’t address what is going on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 724131, member: 19290"] I’m sorry for what is happening to your family and with your son. It’s probably even harder to reckon, with the promise that he showed But one car accident is one thing, this sounds like substance abuse and/or a psychiatric issue. Neither of which are reasons to tolerate an adult verbally abusing you in your home. The advice about getting support for yourself is so important. Because, at the end of the day, you will have to gain some clarity and emotionally detangle yourself from his choices and outcome. Hopefully with optimism and strength, you will communicate the boundaries for what behavior you will accept in your home from your son — whether he’s a future doctor or an addict, or both. If you choose to support him while he is working on his issues, and being a good tenant, then that is gravy. It seems like such a massive stretch to get to that mindset, I know. We lose our bearings an inch at a time out of love and concern and a desire to understand and help and even to preserve their futures, which they seem to be jeopardizing. But your son isn’t supposed to be treating you this way. The reason why he is might be a mystery to you, but that doesn’t make the answer negotiable. And negotiating with him or yourself about the behavior hurts everyone. His future won’t be sustainable if he doesn’t address what is going on. [/QUOTE]
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At our wits end with 23 year old son. Any advise welcome!!
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