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Parent Emeritus
At the end of my rope and just lost...
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 629077" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Finally, we said we were coming to take his car. It’s not his, it’s ours. He was offered two times to be given the car. When he was 16 he was told if he got a job and paid the insurance and gas we’d give it to him when he turned 18. He never got a job. Then we told him when he went to college if he’d just stay in school, complete the two year program, we’d give it to him for graduation. Since he did neither, the car isn’t his. Of course, then he lost his job because he didn’t have gas money, had no place to live, and came home. His plan had been to get an apartment in West Plains with his friend down there, but the other guy never got a job, and one boy from up here who was going to move down - that fell through too and I don't know what's going on there.</p><p> </p><p>When he came home gave him rules. They are as follows:</p><p>***</p><p><em>RULES</em></p><p><em>**You will keep your room in clean, if not neat, condition. You will NOT leave dishes, wrappers, cans and bottles in your room.</em></p><p><em>**THERE WILL BE NO SMOKING OF ANY KIND IN THIS HOUSE! We know what our house smells like. It will not smell like it did last summer. There will be nothing illegal in this house. Period.</em></p><p><em>**You will assist with normal household chores. If you dirty a dish, wash it. If there’s paper on the floor, pick it up. If your laundry needs done, do it. Don’t gripe if asked to carry out a bag of trash. If we are: raking leaves, shoveling snow, trimming bushes, mowing, painting or fixing things, etc.; you are expected to OFFER help even if you don’t think we’ll accept it. You don’t have set chores and you don’t have an allowance. You do not do these things for money. You do these things for the same reason we do them: Because you are an adult who lives here too and they need to be done.</em></p><p><em>**You will not lay in bed until noon. You will actively look for work. You are expected to have a job of some kind within 30 days. This deadline may be waived if we are satisfied you are making a serious and determined job hunt. Toward that end, you should be able to show some proof of where you have looked if we ask. You will do whatever is necessary to get a job, including taking the advice of people who KNOW how to get a job, wearing clothing you don’t like, and pulling back or cutting your hair, NOT smoking pot so you can pass a drug test! If you get a job you hate you can look for other work on your days off. You do not work because it’s fun. You work because people pay you to do so. </em></p><p><em>**The car is ours, not yours. You will use it only when job-hunting or when given permission. If we feel you are misusing this privilege, you will all lose access to the car and will job hunt on foot. Once you get a job and are paying for your own gas, then use the car when you like. While we are paying for it, it is for job hunting.</em></p><p><em>**Most importantly, YOU WILL TREAT US WITH RESPECT. You will not scream, shout, complain or argue with us. You will not slam doors or punch things. You will not lie, steal, or otherwise disrespect us. </em></p><p><em>**If you have a problem with us, you will discuss it with us – calmly – like an adult.</em></p><p><em>THESE THINGS ARE NOT NEGOTIABLE. </em></p><p><em>**You are an adult. You do not have a curfew. Come and go as you please. Until you have a job, you are welcome to use the blue bike, as you won’t be taking the car running around. I would appreciate a text if you are going to be gone overnight, just so I don’t worry. But this is OUR house. WE say who can be here and what goes on here. </em></p><p><em>**We are not obligated to give you money, food, clothing, shelter, or any other material thing. ANYTHING we give you, including a roof over your head, is a gift. We do things for you because we love you and want you to be a decent, happy adult. You should not EXPECT anything from us as a matter of right, other than being treated in a decent manner. Your past behavior has led to a complete and utter loss of trust in you. You must recognize that this will take time to rebuild as a consequence of your past behavior. </em></p><p><em>**If you cannot abide by these rules, you are welcome to go elsewhere until you decide to respect us. </em></p><p><em>**Get a job and save your money until you can afford to move out. We will help you succeed if we can. We do this out of love. </em></p><p><em>Do not abuse our love and willingness to help. </em></p><p>***</p><p>continued...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 629077, member: 17309"] Finally, we said we were coming to take his car. It’s not his, it’s ours. He was offered two times to be given the car. When he was 16 he was told if he got a job and paid the insurance and gas we’d give it to him when he turned 18. He never got a job. Then we told him when he went to college if he’d just stay in school, complete the two year program, we’d give it to him for graduation. Since he did neither, the car isn’t his. Of course, then he lost his job because he didn’t have gas money, had no place to live, and came home. His plan had been to get an apartment in West Plains with his friend down there, but the other guy never got a job, and one boy from up here who was going to move down - that fell through too and I don't know what's going on there. When he came home gave him rules. They are as follows: *** [I]RULES **You will keep your room in clean, if not neat, condition. You will NOT leave dishes, wrappers, cans and bottles in your room. **THERE WILL BE NO SMOKING OF ANY KIND IN THIS HOUSE! We know what our house smells like. It will not smell like it did last summer. There will be nothing illegal in this house. Period. **You will assist with normal household chores. If you dirty a dish, wash it. If there’s paper on the floor, pick it up. If your laundry needs done, do it. Don’t gripe if asked to carry out a bag of trash. If we are: raking leaves, shoveling snow, trimming bushes, mowing, painting or fixing things, etc.; you are expected to OFFER help even if you don’t think we’ll accept it. You don’t have set chores and you don’t have an allowance. You do not do these things for money. You do these things for the same reason we do them: Because you are an adult who lives here too and they need to be done. **You will not lay in bed until noon. You will actively look for work. You are expected to have a job of some kind within 30 days. This deadline may be waived if we are satisfied you are making a serious and determined job hunt. Toward that end, you should be able to show some proof of where you have looked if we ask. You will do whatever is necessary to get a job, including taking the advice of people who KNOW how to get a job, wearing clothing you don’t like, and pulling back or cutting your hair, NOT smoking pot so you can pass a drug test! If you get a job you hate you can look for other work on your days off. You do not work because it’s fun. You work because people pay you to do so. **The car is ours, not yours. You will use it only when job-hunting or when given permission. If we feel you are misusing this privilege, you will all lose access to the car and will job hunt on foot. Once you get a job and are paying for your own gas, then use the car when you like. While we are paying for it, it is for job hunting. **Most importantly, YOU WILL TREAT US WITH RESPECT. You will not scream, shout, complain or argue with us. You will not slam doors or punch things. You will not lie, steal, or otherwise disrespect us. **If you have a problem with us, you will discuss it with us – calmly – like an adult. THESE THINGS ARE NOT NEGOTIABLE. **You are an adult. You do not have a curfew. Come and go as you please. Until you have a job, you are welcome to use the blue bike, as you won’t be taking the car running around. I would appreciate a text if you are going to be gone overnight, just so I don’t worry. But this is OUR house. WE say who can be here and what goes on here. **We are not obligated to give you money, food, clothing, shelter, or any other material thing. ANYTHING we give you, including a roof over your head, is a gift. We do things for you because we love you and want you to be a decent, happy adult. You should not EXPECT anything from us as a matter of right, other than being treated in a decent manner. Your past behavior has led to a complete and utter loss of trust in you. You must recognize that this will take time to rebuild as a consequence of your past behavior. **If you cannot abide by these rules, you are welcome to go elsewhere until you decide to respect us. **Get a job and save your money until you can afford to move out. We will help you succeed if we can. We do this out of love. Do not abuse our love and willingness to help. [/I] *** continued... [/QUOTE]
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