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At the end of my rope and just lost...
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 630596" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>After a talk with my husband we sat our son down last night. We told him his month was up on the 16th, but in light of the holiday, we would give him to the end of next week to find a job. We also said, "You know we were planning to kick you out, but we won't - yet. We will give you a little more time to find work. However as of next Friday you lose the car. If you don't have a job, you can walk or ride a bike to look for work. There will be no money either. Not a penny."</p><p> </p><p>We figured that we better get it over with for 3 reasons: 1) to give him as much notice as possible - so he got the extra days to look for work if he's so inclined, 2) because he's not good with being hit with bad news suddenly - he has problems "shifting gears", always has had, and 3) because if he came to us on day 29 and said, "Please don't make me move." and we then said we'd discussed it - well in his mind I think it would be his win, like he asked and we caved. This way it's our decision, there's no discussion with him, we discussed it between ourselves and made our choice and that's what he gets.</p><p> </p><p>He took it surprisingly well. He said he has a friend who's working in his dad's lawncare business who's making decent money and plans on getting his own place and that when he gets a job they'll move in together - because he knows we want him to move out. (Picture me rolling my eyes.)</p><p> </p><p>We explained that, while we very much enjoyed our empty nest, we don't "want him to move out" and if we did we'd have never brought him home from college in the first place. That we want him to grow up, quit acting like he's 16; it's the natural order of things for kids to grow up and get out on their own, doing so means he's moving ahead with his life and if we have to throw him out to make that happen, so be it. If he had a job, earning his own way, paying his own bills, AND respected us and our home, we wouldn't have a problem with him staying as long as he wanted. But that's not how it's been.</p><p> </p><p>There was no complaining, no fighting. While that may come next Friday night, for now I'm giving this a win.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 630596, member: 17309"] After a talk with my husband we sat our son down last night. We told him his month was up on the 16th, but in light of the holiday, we would give him to the end of next week to find a job. We also said, "You know we were planning to kick you out, but we won't - yet. We will give you a little more time to find work. However as of next Friday you lose the car. If you don't have a job, you can walk or ride a bike to look for work. There will be no money either. Not a penny." We figured that we better get it over with for 3 reasons: 1) to give him as much notice as possible - so he got the extra days to look for work if he's so inclined, 2) because he's not good with being hit with bad news suddenly - he has problems "shifting gears", always has had, and 3) because if he came to us on day 29 and said, "Please don't make me move." and we then said we'd discussed it - well in his mind I think it would be his win, like he asked and we caved. This way it's our decision, there's no discussion with him, we discussed it between ourselves and made our choice and that's what he gets. He took it surprisingly well. He said he has a friend who's working in his dad's lawncare business who's making decent money and plans on getting his own place and that when he gets a job they'll move in together - because he knows we want him to move out. (Picture me rolling my eyes.) We explained that, while we very much enjoyed our empty nest, we don't "want him to move out" and if we did we'd have never brought him home from college in the first place. That we want him to grow up, quit acting like he's 16; it's the natural order of things for kids to grow up and get out on their own, doing so means he's moving ahead with his life and if we have to throw him out to make that happen, so be it. If he had a job, earning his own way, paying his own bills, AND respected us and our home, we wouldn't have a problem with him staying as long as he wanted. But that's not how it's been. There was no complaining, no fighting. While that may come next Friday night, for now I'm giving this a win. [/QUOTE]
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At the end of my rope and just lost...
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