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At the end of my rope and just lost...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 630738" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Lil...I have read all the posts and I totally think your son is playing you. First of all, there are jobs. I live in a VERY small town and all my daughter's high school friends have jobs. High school kids. The economy reeks, but McD's and such still hire at least part-time. I doubt your son has put in even one application. You can make him prove it to you easily. Ask him to show you his online job applications. Every job is now an onlnie application, even fast food, so he can certainly show you.</p><p></p><p>My guess is he does have some money, thus making it unnecessary for him to get a job. I know...I KNOW how hard it is to accept what our kids are capable of...but my guess is besides mooching off of you as much as he can, he is selling stuff for drug money. I doubt it is only pot, but if he's never been drug tested you won't know. You may never know. He is not acting like a typical nineteen year old kid. Most of them want to get out from under mommy's thumb and grow up to become independent. And we have to encourage it. The ones who seem to like getting our money and being mommied at that age most likely have serious issues. There are eighteen year old young men fighting in the military and your son can't get a job. I know you want to believe him, but I can't buy it. Call me cynical. My difficult child is 36 and has been at his games longer than yours and I wish I'd put my foot down sooner. Now he is middle aged and still needs his mommy (me) for every little decision, but at least he works and supports himself. He'd better. My ex and myself refuse to support him or let him live with us so he sort of had no choice but to work and he did work his way up to a high paying job. That doesn't mean he won't take more money from us or that he is not doing illegal things, because he could be, but at least we are not a party to any of it.</p><p></p><p>Your son doesn't have a job because he has money from somewhere, you being one of his sources, and he doesn't need a real job. If this were my kid, he'd be gone. He's had tons of chances to either go to school to better himself or to find any piddly job to work at. He isn't following through. He is doing the minimum he can so that he can sleep in comfort and eat your food and get your "I feel sorry for you" money. Never pity an adult difficult child. If you give them an inch they will take a mile. If you give them a mile they will take the whole country.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Red flags that say DRUGS go off in my head when there are fights between friends or enemies or kissing cousins about "he owes me money." That sounds very drug like. It must be significant money for the kid to get that hot over it.</p><p></p><p>With all respect to you in the world, because I lived in Denial Land once too, I think your son is involved in more stuff than you think. I also am pretty sure he doesn't want a conventional job nor a conventional life right now. If you push him out now, he may get the motivation to change because his life will not be pleasant. But if you hang on for too long, he may never change. He may never change anyway, which is a big bummer for him because you can't live and support him forever and he is not learning how to take care of himself at all.</p><p></p><p>Just a suggestion: If this were my kid, over my dead body would I ever hand out Part Night money. You know what he means by party night. Booze, maybe drugs, bad stuff...why give him money for that? Because he may pout or yell? I've been a softie at times, but that has never happened. And my opinion is that it is better for him and for you if you don't do that either. Not even once. It is saying you agree with that behavior.</p><p></p><p>Also I wouldn't pay for job hunting clothes until/unless he gets an interview. Again, job applications are all online now. Nobody will see him unless he gets a phone call from an employer and do you really think he is trying? You can't get a job application at K-Mart or Walmart anymore. I've been job hunting myself and I know. It is 100% online. You can not see a manager or fill out an application at a store. Going to K-mart will not get him a job and he knows that. And you need to know that too. </p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 630738, member: 1550"] Lil...I have read all the posts and I totally think your son is playing you. First of all, there are jobs. I live in a VERY small town and all my daughter's high school friends have jobs. High school kids. The economy reeks, but McD's and such still hire at least part-time. I doubt your son has put in even one application. You can make him prove it to you easily. Ask him to show you his online job applications. Every job is now an onlnie application, even fast food, so he can certainly show you. My guess is he does have some money, thus making it unnecessary for him to get a job. I know...I KNOW how hard it is to accept what our kids are capable of...but my guess is besides mooching off of you as much as he can, he is selling stuff for drug money. I doubt it is only pot, but if he's never been drug tested you won't know. You may never know. He is not acting like a typical nineteen year old kid. Most of them want to get out from under mommy's thumb and grow up to become independent. And we have to encourage it. The ones who seem to like getting our money and being mommied at that age most likely have serious issues. There are eighteen year old young men fighting in the military and your son can't get a job. I know you want to believe him, but I can't buy it. Call me cynical. My difficult child is 36 and has been at his games longer than yours and I wish I'd put my foot down sooner. Now he is middle aged and still needs his mommy (me) for every little decision, but at least he works and supports himself. He'd better. My ex and myself refuse to support him or let him live with us so he sort of had no choice but to work and he did work his way up to a high paying job. That doesn't mean he won't take more money from us or that he is not doing illegal things, because he could be, but at least we are not a party to any of it. Your son doesn't have a job because he has money from somewhere, you being one of his sources, and he doesn't need a real job. If this were my kid, he'd be gone. He's had tons of chances to either go to school to better himself or to find any piddly job to work at. He isn't following through. He is doing the minimum he can so that he can sleep in comfort and eat your food and get your "I feel sorry for you" money. Never pity an adult difficult child. If you give them an inch they will take a mile. If you give them a mile they will take the whole country. Red flags that say DRUGS go off in my head when there are fights between friends or enemies or kissing cousins about "he owes me money." That sounds very drug like. It must be significant money for the kid to get that hot over it. With all respect to you in the world, because I lived in Denial Land once too, I think your son is involved in more stuff than you think. I also am pretty sure he doesn't want a conventional job nor a conventional life right now. If you push him out now, he may get the motivation to change because his life will not be pleasant. But if you hang on for too long, he may never change. He may never change anyway, which is a big bummer for him because you can't live and support him forever and he is not learning how to take care of himself at all. Just a suggestion: If this were my kid, over my dead body would I ever hand out Part Night money. You know what he means by party night. Booze, maybe drugs, bad stuff...why give him money for that? Because he may pout or yell? I've been a softie at times, but that has never happened. And my opinion is that it is better for him and for you if you don't do that either. Not even once. It is saying you agree with that behavior. Also I wouldn't pay for job hunting clothes until/unless he gets an interview. Again, job applications are all online now. Nobody will see him unless he gets a phone call from an employer and do you really think he is trying? You can't get a job application at K-Mart or Walmart anymore. I've been job hunting myself and I know. It is 100% online. You can not see a manager or fill out an application at a store. Going to K-mart will not get him a job and he knows that. And you need to know that too. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. [/QUOTE]
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