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Parent Emeritus
At the END OF MY ROPE
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 679529" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Welcome to the forum PL, we are glad you are here. You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here. </p><p></p><p>Is she taking medication for her mental illness? Does it help? I only know anecdotally about schizophrenia and I understand it's a very difficult mental illness to manage if it can be managed at all. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't think this has anything to do with you or what you want. Most of us have gotten to the point of loving o ur children but not being able to tolerate their out-of-control behavior. At that point, you have to decide what your boundaries are. Can she continue to live with you? Many of us have found that the answer is No. Regardless of where they go or what they decide to do, even live on the street, they can't live with us anymore. I got to that point with my son, and it was very hard to stick to my guns and say No more, you aren't living here, so get out. He left and was homeless off and on for several years. </p><p></p><p>I know that sounds heartless and cold, but I did what I had to do, even though it was the hardest thing I have ever done. He was not getting better at all living here with everything provided for him. He had to have the "cold water in the face" (over and over) in order to wake up and change. He was addicted to opiates and alcohol at the time, and I know that is different from schizophrenia. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are asking hard questions here, about having more patience. You will have to work on yourself and again, decide what your boundaries are. It's not easy. </p><p></p><p>Regarding getting her to stop, you likely won't be able to get her to do anything she doesn't want to do. </p><p></p><p>And again, it's not about you and your feelings. None of this is about you and what you have or haven't done. </p><p></p><p>As I often describe, you are one thin spoke on her wheel. There are many other spokes. You aren't the main spoke anymore. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You didn't cause her mental illness or her choices. As an adult, she can make her own choices unless she is completely psychotic, which she may be with this illness. Please share more with us about her condition. </p><p></p><p>This is a very hard situation, and complicated. It's not going to be easy to navigate this, but I would suggest you get in contact with NAMI, the National Association for the Mentally Ill. They have lots of support and programs for caregivers for mentally ill people and many on this forum have found tremendous strength and support there. </p><p></p><p>Please keep posting. We're here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 679529, member: 17542"] Welcome to the forum PL, we are glad you are here. You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here. Is she taking medication for her mental illness? Does it help? I only know anecdotally about schizophrenia and I understand it's a very difficult mental illness to manage if it can be managed at all. I don't think this has anything to do with you or what you want. Most of us have gotten to the point of loving o ur children but not being able to tolerate their out-of-control behavior. At that point, you have to decide what your boundaries are. Can she continue to live with you? Many of us have found that the answer is No. Regardless of where they go or what they decide to do, even live on the street, they can't live with us anymore. I got to that point with my son, and it was very hard to stick to my guns and say No more, you aren't living here, so get out. He left and was homeless off and on for several years. I know that sounds heartless and cold, but I did what I had to do, even though it was the hardest thing I have ever done. He was not getting better at all living here with everything provided for him. He had to have the "cold water in the face" (over and over) in order to wake up and change. He was addicted to opiates and alcohol at the time, and I know that is different from schizophrenia. You are asking hard questions here, about having more patience. You will have to work on yourself and again, decide what your boundaries are. It's not easy. Regarding getting her to stop, you likely won't be able to get her to do anything she doesn't want to do. And again, it's not about you and your feelings. None of this is about you and what you have or haven't done. As I often describe, you are one thin spoke on her wheel. There are many other spokes. You aren't the main spoke anymore. You didn't cause her mental illness or her choices. As an adult, she can make her own choices unless she is completely psychotic, which she may be with this illness. Please share more with us about her condition. This is a very hard situation, and complicated. It's not going to be easy to navigate this, but I would suggest you get in contact with NAMI, the National Association for the Mentally Ill. They have lots of support and programs for caregivers for mentally ill people and many on this forum have found tremendous strength and support there. Please keep posting. We're here for you. [/QUOTE]
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