At the very End of my rope

[LOOKING FOR SANITY]

I know I havent been here in awhile but things seem like they are just going worse and worse with difficult child. A few weeks ago he decided to run away from home, well we live in the country so he got like a mile from home and some people saw him coming out of the woods, they called the police because he gave them this big story about how he was abused!!!!! He told the cop that was why he ran away because I had beat him with a wooden spoon! So after explaining to the officer the problems we have been having, he tells difficult child to go in the bathroom and if he had been beaten he would have marks, welts, bruises, . made him go in the bathroom and strip his clothes down and what do you know - no briuses , no marks... nothing. I was so embarrassed.
So almost daily it is a struggle, i am just so tired. His fits and outbursts are taking up so much of my energy that theres barely any left for spilled juice or for 2yr old that dnt want to go to bed. I really just dnt know what to . husband says I have to learn a better way to handle it , but htat is just so easy coming from some one that works 2nd shift -kids are in bed when he gets home at 1am, gone to school when he gets up at 930am and still at school when he leaves for work at 130pm. We only live near his family, mine is from South Carolina, so I am all alone most of the time. And I dnt think i can take anymore. I am thinking about leaving and going to SC to be with my mom. We have talked about moving before but with the way the economy is he is afraid he wont be able to find a job comparable to what he has now( which is a realistic concern). But like I told him I am willing to go shovel horse poop just to get away from here. On the otherhand I do feel its unfair to ask him to leave, but difficult child is literally drivig me crazy. Thanks for listening to me ramble yet again, but I have nowhere else to turn.

 

[recovering doormat]

Man, I know those feelings of being ready to just walk out the door, and I only have three kids, not five. For the moment you need to ignore you're husband's remark. My ex is a workaholic who was available to his kids maybe for half a day on Sundays, yet he found time to criticize my parenting.

I'm glad that you vented here and hope it made you feel a little better to get this off your chest. I'm sorry that I can't think of anything wise to say, except that others will be along with better advice than anything that I can offer. I will, however, send you gentle cyber-hugs and hope you can at least get a decent night's sleep. You sound exhausted.

 

[recovering doormat]

Just curious, how long has he been on both Adderall and Abilify? Every kid is different but a lot of parents here have had children on those medications, and I know from experience how tricky it is to find the right medication and dosage. I'm wondering if the Adderall is making his mania worse. Is the Abilify supposed to be a mood stabilizer? From what I've learned from other parents of bipolar children, getting the medications right is critical, and I seem to recall that some stimulants can make the situation worse. As I said in my last post, people who are way more informed about bipolar medications will be along. Just hang in there, and do your deep breathing.

 

[miles2go]

I agree, it is often that kids are diagnosed with ADHD wrongly before they are properly diagnosis'd as bipolar. I would consider stopping Aderal and working to determine Abilify dosage.

Me - married dad
difficult child - boy of 8, BiPolar (BP), abilify
More kids, wife, animals

 

[LOOKING FOR SANITY]

I didnt realize I neede to update my profile , difficult child is no longer on abilify... now aderall, depakote, and zyprexa are the current medications.

 

[devira]

My difficult child was just diagnosed with bipolar instead of ADHD. He has never ran to the police, but he has run out of the house naked screaming "stop hitting me." I live in a Chicago suburb, lots of neighbors to witness this behavior, but I guess I as lucky. I spent several days waiting for family services to knock on my door, but thankfully they did not.

husband thinks he is supportive, but he just does not know how to be and it always come out as a an insult or just plan rude. I keep on telling myself he means well.

What's my point here... I do not have any expert advice for you, but can tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel... Things here are far from perfect. but they are SO MUCH BETTER, and all we did was change medications. We spent a lot of time discussing whether we needed to admit difficult child so we can find the right medication combo for him... we were able to avoid this for using seroquel combined with vyvanse is enough to help him be functional at school and most of the time at home... although this is still al work in progress, our crisis time seems to be gone and things are much more manageable.

Many cyber hugs to you, I hope today is a better day.

 

[aeroeng]

Wish I could write something that would make it all better, but I can't. Several months ago difficult child tried to smash the TV. husband grabbed him and wrestled with the boy. husband did not like where it was going and called the police. difficult child had a bloody nose and would not let husband put anything on it. He actually tried to make it bleed more. So when the police got there, blood was all over the kid's shirt. difficult child tried to get husband in trouble by repeatedly saying to the police officer, "dad gave me a bloody nose". The police finally told difficult child in a clam voice to put a bag of ice on the back of his neck. Then they lectured him on how this is his parents house, his parents can do anything they want with any item in the house, and he needed to take responsibility for his own actions. The police left without any actions. (I still trembled).

So I think most police officers have run in with difficult teens before. Where I can not guarantee that no innocent parent was ever charged, I do believe most of the time the police officer can see through the kid. At least they have some guide lines and know what to look for. This is good because we don't want someone to be allowed to beat their kids.

We have discovered that the less we react to his out-burst the smaller they are. We separate the kids. (I mean separate = different houses, friends, relative's church ...). We talk calm. (Use what I call the "Dave" voice from 2010. "I am sorry difficult child, I am afraid I can't do that."). Some times I have to leave as well. But without the re-action he does not accelerate.

 

[Stef]

Ah yes, the good old run out of the house screamin trick. Doesn't work. difficult child pulled a similar shot on us over the winter when he did that on a 10 degree day in a tee shirt. He actually ran about a mile to his friends house which is where we eventually tracked him to. They wouldn't answer the phone as there were no parents home - just difficult child and his buddy.We got him and tried taking him into a MH center for evaluation when he bolted from the car at a red light. I had to plead with him to get him back into the car, then took him home. He threatened to jump out of the car again if I took him in. At that moment, he switched to Good difficult child. I lost my job (PT job) because I was chasing him around and couldn't get into work. The guy told me before he had no room for people with personal problems, and would not tolerate personal problems affecting his business. What a jerk. I was going to leave soon anyway, but it's just the point.

Life in the fast lane.