wakeupcall
Well-Known Member
I will ponder all your suggestions, Group! I appreciate your help more than you know. At least this forum gives me a chance to vent and ask for help.......and I always get it!
At what age can you trust them at home alone?
- Thread starter wakeupcall
- Start date
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I am have one kid #5 who is 13. I swear, if I had needed to in an emergency, I could have left her alone at age eight and she wouldn't have opened the door to strangers and would have watched telly and nothing would have happened that was bad. She is capable of staying home all day and I can trust her.
My sixteen year old son with Aspergers is very diligent and I *have* let him stay home all day when his sister is at long, day-long basketball tournaments, which he would not do well sitting through. He is great a home, calling me several times a day, even cleaning the house if I ask him to.
Then we have my daughter who took drugs. When she was taking drugs, I couldn't leave her alone at eighteen. The one time I tried to let her stay alone overnight as we went to a hotel close by, we came home early to a drug party. That was the last time she ever stayed alone in the house AT ALL.
My point, I guess, is that it has nothing to do with age. It has to do with the kid.
My sixteen year old son with Aspergers is very diligent and I *have* let him stay home all day when his sister is at long, day-long basketball tournaments, which he would not do well sitting through. He is great a home, calling me several times a day, even cleaning the house if I ask him to.
Then we have my daughter who took drugs. When she was taking drugs, I couldn't leave her alone at eighteen. The one time I tried to let her stay alone overnight as we went to a hotel close by, we came home early to a drug party. That was the last time she ever stayed alone in the house AT ALL.
My point, I guess, is that it has nothing to do with age. It has to do with the kid.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I am on kid #5 who is 13. I swear, if I had needed to in an emergency, I could have left her alone at age eight and she wouldn't have opened the door to strangers and would have watched telly and nothing would have happened that was bad. She is capable of staying home all day and I can trust her.
My sixteen year old son with Aspergers is very diligent and I *have* let him stay home all day when his sister is at long, day-long basketball tournaments, which he would not do well sitting through. He is great a home, calling me several times a day, even cleaning the house if I ask him to.
Then we have my daughter who took drugs. When she was taking drugs, I couldn't leave her alone at eighteen. The one time I tried to let her stay alone overnight as we went to a hotel close by, we came home early to a drug party. That was the last time she ever stayed alone in the house AT ALL.
My point, I guess, is that it has nothing to do with age. It has to do with the kid.
My sixteen year old son with Aspergers is very diligent and I *have* let him stay home all day when his sister is at long, day-long basketball tournaments, which he would not do well sitting through. He is great a home, calling me several times a day, even cleaning the house if I ask him to.
Then we have my daughter who took drugs. When she was taking drugs, I couldn't leave her alone at eighteen. The one time I tried to let her stay alone overnight as we went to a hotel close by, we came home early to a drug party. That was the last time she ever stayed alone in the house AT ALL.
My point, I guess, is that it has nothing to do with age. It has to do with the kid.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Originally Posted by susiequte
When difficult child was 19 and living with us, we left him alone one night. We went over the rules before we left....one of which was do not touch or play with the gas fireplace. When we came home, I could tell that a few things on the hearth had been moved. Confronted difficult child....turns out he was trying to light the fireplace. I had all lighters, matches, etc locked up....so I asked how he was planning to light it. He turned the gas on, and then hit two rocks together trying to get a spark!!!! That was the last time he was left alone!
That sounds like something MY difficult child would do!
OMG!!!
When difficult child was 19 and living with us, we left him alone one night. We went over the rules before we left....one of which was do not touch or play with the gas fireplace. When we came home, I could tell that a few things on the hearth had been moved. Confronted difficult child....turns out he was trying to light the fireplace. I had all lighters, matches, etc locked up....so I asked how he was planning to light it. He turned the gas on, and then hit two rocks together trying to get a spark!!!! That was the last time he was left alone!
That sounds like something MY difficult child would do!
OMG!!!
I wonder if maybe what is being described SOUNDS like typical teen stuff but in fact is not.
Most of the time people thought I was just not understanding typical teen behavior. There were a LOT of times that people thought I was overreacting and making molehills out to be mountains, or divots into the Grand Canyon.
The truth was that Wiz took these "typical teen" actions to a whole new level and intensity. It is just so hard to convey this level, intensity, etc...
So for each new item that you find while difficult child and husband are doing other things, I am sending a ginormous hug!
Susie
Most of the time people thought I was just not understanding typical teen behavior. There were a LOT of times that people thought I was overreacting and making molehills out to be mountains, or divots into the Grand Canyon.
The truth was that Wiz took these "typical teen" actions to a whole new level and intensity. It is just so hard to convey this level, intensity, etc...
So for each new item that you find while difficult child and husband are doing other things, I am sending a ginormous hug!
Susie
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
People probably thought we were nuts but we left Billy, Jamie, Cory, my mom(with alzheimers), Jamie's girlfriend Danielle, and Danielle's friend Nikkie alone at my house for a week while we went to Houston to visit a friend for the New Years Eve week. She needed some help on her house too. Now Jamie, Danielle, and Nikkie were all 18. Billy was 21 and Cory would have been 16.
My house was actually standing when we got home! My mom was well taken care of.
My house was actually standing when we got home! My mom was well taken care of.
wakeupcall
Well-Known Member
I think susie is right.....this was beyond 14 year old typical teen stuff. I think he was in fact shooting that freakin' airsoft gun all around the house....I found bb things everywhere. The dogs were exhausted (he annoys them to no end). Now I know he was up in the attic and found ALL of his Christmas presents. It took a while for me to figure out why he came home NONsick because he usually only wants to be home like that if I'm home (severe separation anxiety).....he had it planned to scour the house till he found his presents and knew I was at work. Luckily, a week or so ago, I bought our second safe and I now lock up all my expensive jewelry where he can't get to it. I don't think he would intentionally (of sorts) steal my stuff, but not understanding the value, I could see him give it to some girl or trade it for a Gatorade. Really. I had husband try to put a key lock on the bedroom door, but for some reason it doesn't work.
A couple of days ago he had a night time band concert at church. It lasted longer than his regular Focalin could hold out (short acting for stuff like this) and at one point I saw him going out the door.....now if he was going to the restroom or something, okay, but he had taken off his tuxedo shirt, bow tie, and cumberbun.......yep, disrobing. Luckily he had on a tee shirt, but still.....! When we got home he was out of control; running up and down the hallway and laughing uncontrollably. It IS a site to see at 124 lbs and taller than me.
Yesterday he had a medication check and his doctor has added Intuniv to his present mix. She thinks it might even out the ups and downs he has. Time will tell.
A couple of days ago he had a night time band concert at church. It lasted longer than his regular Focalin could hold out (short acting for stuff like this) and at one point I saw him going out the door.....now if he was going to the restroom or something, okay, but he had taken off his tuxedo shirt, bow tie, and cumberbun.......yep, disrobing. Luckily he had on a tee shirt, but still.....! When we got home he was out of control; running up and down the hallway and laughing uncontrollably. It IS a site to see at 124 lbs and taller than me.
Yesterday he had a medication check and his doctor has added Intuniv to his present mix. She thinks it might even out the ups and downs he has. Time will tell.
Shari
IsItFridayYet?
I think the biggest mistake I made with difficult child 1 was assuming that since he was physically old enough that he should be able to do something, that he could do that something.
***
That bit me in the butt many times down the road.
***
With easy child 2 and wee difficult child, now, it is all about level of maturity...age is not even a factor anymore in my book.
***
Oh, and for kids like ours with a diagnosis, you can take the tax deduction for day care or child care for while you work, just like you can with the little ones...so hire him a sitter!
***
That bit me in the butt many times down the road.
***
With easy child 2 and wee difficult child, now, it is all about level of maturity...age is not even a factor anymore in my book.
***
Oh, and for kids like ours with a diagnosis, you can take the tax deduction for day care or child care for while you work, just like you can with the little ones...so hire him a sitter!
wakeupcall: Good luck to your son with the Intuniv! Looks to be a new medication [?] and I read it is not a stimulant; non-stims are something my difficult child might have to explore, according to NP. Anyway, it looks as though it's been a long road for your son with medications and I hope his current regimen will be effective!
Big hugs to you.
Oh - forgot to mention - Shari's idea of hiring a sitter sounds good!
Big hugs to you.
Oh - forgot to mention - Shari's idea of hiring a sitter sounds good!
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JJJ
Active Member
I tried all summer to train Eeyore to be able to be left at home alone. The goal was 1 hour so that I wouldn't have to take him to Piglet and Tigger's activities. His rules were to either watch tv (only unlocked certain channels) or play in his room. He would be fed before I left so he would stay out of the kitchen and he was not to answer the door. We bought a migo children's cell phone for him.
He earned up to 30 minutes before it all went wrong. I left him alone to go pick up Piglet from practice. I got home 27 minutes later, the garage door was open, the front door was open, and Eeyore was nowhere to be found. His bike was also missing. Sure enough, he was out riding his bike around without his helmet.
He had no idea why he was in such big trouble. Besides all the scary things that could have happened (which in our neighborhood are not likely), I didn't know where he was and he NEEDS his helmet. This child comes home with cuts, bumps and bruises EVERY DAY from school because he walks in walls and is very clumsy. He has smashed two helmets from crashing his bike.
Currently he is "mad" at me because Piglet has earned the right to stay home alone if needed and she has also earned the right to babysit both boys for up to 30 minutes. Eeyore has the choice to obey Piglet or come with me. The first time he gives her a hard time will be the last time he gets to stay home. I know he's older but developmentally he is about 4.
He earned up to 30 minutes before it all went wrong. I left him alone to go pick up Piglet from practice. I got home 27 minutes later, the garage door was open, the front door was open, and Eeyore was nowhere to be found. His bike was also missing. Sure enough, he was out riding his bike around without his helmet.
He had no idea why he was in such big trouble. Besides all the scary things that could have happened (which in our neighborhood are not likely), I didn't know where he was and he NEEDS his helmet. This child comes home with cuts, bumps and bruises EVERY DAY from school because he walks in walls and is very clumsy. He has smashed two helmets from crashing his bike.
Currently he is "mad" at me because Piglet has earned the right to stay home alone if needed and she has also earned the right to babysit both boys for up to 30 minutes. Eeyore has the choice to obey Piglet or come with me. The first time he gives her a hard time will be the last time he gets to stay home. I know he's older but developmentally he is about 4.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Susie, I agree that it's not typical teen. My typical teen's could be left at home alone and I'm sure they bent the rules a bit, but they didn't trash the house, order porn flicks 
, leave against my wishes, etc. A typical teen will bend a few rules, but basically cares about losing his privileges and isn't rebellious just for the sake of being rebellious so they tend to listen.
A difficult child on the other hand either can't handle being alone because the boudaries (us) are gone and they are too impulsive to resist doing what they shouldn't do or they have no fear of consequences anyway so they have the attitude "when the cat's away the mouse will play and I'll worry about all that later."
These kids are not wired like TTs and they behave differently. Things that put younger kids at risk for personality disorders as adults are exactly what you read about in The Explosive Child--lack of personal boundaries, emotion liability, impulsivity, sometimes they seem not to know reality from fantasy (as in bold face lies), vandalism, violence etc. They ARE a different breed and actually need to be treated much younger.
, leave against my wishes, etc. A typical teen will bend a few rules, but basically cares about losing his privileges and isn't rebellious just for the sake of being rebellious so they tend to listen. A difficult child on the other hand either can't handle being alone because the boudaries (us) are gone and they are too impulsive to resist doing what they shouldn't do or they have no fear of consequences anyway so they have the attitude "when the cat's away the mouse will play and I'll worry about all that later."
These kids are not wired like TTs and they behave differently. Things that put younger kids at risk for personality disorders as adults are exactly what you read about in The Explosive Child--lack of personal boundaries, emotion liability, impulsivity, sometimes they seem not to know reality from fantasy (as in bold face lies), vandalism, violence etc. They ARE a different breed and actually need to be treated much younger.
Alttlgabby
New Member
Good Luck! I have one who is almost 15 (actually on Dec 24th) and I can't trust her even when I am home, let alone when I even leave her with her older brother and very specific instructions to HER about what is allowed and not allowed. She seems to think that the minute that I hit the door, the rules for her just went out the window. With these kids, it's like rules don't apply to them and it is always someone else's fault. 
