At wit's end

LSH44

New Member
An update on how things are going...today is Wednesday, and Saturday is her vacate date.

She still has no job. Has made very little effort to get one. She's put in a few applications when someone tells her a co. may be hiring, but other than that, she's done nothing. No calling back to touch base with who she applied with, no putting in applications wherever possible...no real effort. She still has not cleaned her room at all, and has not begun packing anything. She asked for her boxes 2 weeks ago, and we gave them to her, but she has packed nothing in them.

A friend of a friend told her that if she got a job, she could room with her at her apartment. That alone should have caused her to at least make a mad rush of applications, but no go. She applied for a job where here potential room mate told her they were hiring, but it apparently fell through. So this option is now off the table.

She is now telling me her only option is to drive to a town we used to live in that is about 2 1/2 hours away, and live with a guy she went out with a few times several years ago. She said "The only thing is that if I go live with him, I know he'll expect sex." I asked her if she was okay with that, and she said "Not really, but I don't have a choice."

I don't have to tell you guys how that makes me feel to hear that....
 

LSH44

New Member
An update on how things are going...today is Wednesday, and Saturday is her vacate date.

She still has no job. Has made very little effort to get one. She's put in a few applications when someone tells her a co. may be hiring, but other than that, she's done nothing. No calling back to touch base with who she applied with, no putting in applications wherever possible...no real effort. She still has not cleaned her room at all, and has not begun packing anything. She asked for her boxes 2 weeks ago, and we gave them to her, but she has packed nothing in them.

A friend of a friend told her that if she got a job, she could room with her at her apartment. That alone should have caused her to at least make a mad rush of applications, but no go. She applied for a job where here potential room mate told her they were hiring, but it apparently fell through. So this option is now off the table.

She is now telling me her only option is to drive to a town we used to live in that is about 2 1/2 hours away, and live with a guy she went out with a few times several years ago. She said "The only thing is that if I go live with him, I know he'll expect sex." I asked her if she was okay with that, and she said "Not really, but I don't have a choice."

I don't have to tell you guys how that makes me feel to hear that....
 

busywend

Well-Known Member
There she goes pulling at your mommy heart!! Can she not say no? Is he going to rape her? Doubt it.

Well, if she had put forth more efforts....she WOULD have a choice now wouldn't she? Too bad she let it get to this point where she has to go back to an ex boyfriend. Her problem. Her fault.

LET HER LEARN!!
 

recoveringenabler

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Thanks for the update. In my humble opinion your daughter is now working the 'pulling at Mom's heartstrings manipulation' which of course, is intended to make you feel exactly how you are presently feeling. You feel guilty, you give in, she gets to stay and abuse you some more. Isn't that the usual script? Someone has to change it and it's not going to be her. She decided to not look for work in a serious manner, not you. She decided to hang out doing nothing while the date loomed closer, not you. She says she has no choice, but she literally has hundreds of choices, she just chooses to do nothing and take the easy way out. And the easy way out is to guilt you into giving in rather then grow up and do the adult and responsible thing. She's made all the bad decisions, not you. You made a good decision, and I do know how remarkably difficult it is to stick to it, but you must, for your sake, and ultimately hers too. Stay the course. Let us know how Saturday goes. HUGS!!
 
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CrazyinVA

Well-Known Member
Staff member
I agree, total manipulation. She's calling your "bluff" to see if you'll really kick her out. Show her that you WILL, and it wasn't a bluff of any kind. Stay strong, this is the hardest part .. but you CAN do it! Get a list of responses ready ... see this thread for some great suggestions:
http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/f21/lets-brainstorm-make-list-685/

As RE said, this on her, not you. It's her choice. I used to repeat that to my girls, when the "buts" started in. I'd shrug and say, "Hey, I left it up to you. Do x, or get y. You chose y. Not my problem."

Hang in there.. and do keep us posted and come back for more moral support!
 
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