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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 657830" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi,</p><p>I hear you.</p><p>I almost bought that book, but from the description you gave, and others I've read in the past, it doesn't fit my situation. My mom was a narcissist and an alcoholic, and everything had to be her way.</p><p>But that's where the similarity stops.</p><p>We all went out own way--even at home, in regard to foods and clothing--to prove that we were not like her.</p><p>She always lamented the fact that she was so close to her mother, but not one of her five kids was close to her.</p><p>And who caused THAT problem???</p><p>So sad, now that she has passed, but even with all the medications and therapy we have now, my mom would never have taken advantage of any of it.</p><p></p><p>In regard to my difficult child, yes, his hardships are my hardships, except, EXCEPT that I am the one doing most of the parenting, for good or bad. My mom's MO was to yell and scream and scare the $*#@& out of us, but in the end, she had no power to "do" anything. My dad, on the other hand, was very organized and fair, in addition to being able to yell and scream and scare the $@(%*% out of us. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> She'd say, "Wait until your father gets home."</p><p>The standard line.</p><p>I have called my husband on a few occasions. A couple of times he came home but I learned that for the most part, his work is his life. Anything else can wait. So I'm learning how to navigate the system of teachers and schedules and rules and follow-through. And I could be a lot better at it.</p><p>But I get worn down. My difficult child, simply put, wears me out.</p><p>I used to say, "Give me time to think about it." Mostly now, I just say, "No."</p><p>Our difficult child has spent more time in his room than is "right" or "normal," but then he is not "right" or "normal."</p><p>No going back in time and wishing for a "normal" life for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 657830, member: 3419"] Hi, I hear you. I almost bought that book, but from the description you gave, and others I've read in the past, it doesn't fit my situation. My mom was a narcissist and an alcoholic, and everything had to be her way. But that's where the similarity stops. We all went out own way--even at home, in regard to foods and clothing--to prove that we were not like her. She always lamented the fact that she was so close to her mother, but not one of her five kids was close to her. And who caused THAT problem??? So sad, now that she has passed, but even with all the medications and therapy we have now, my mom would never have taken advantage of any of it. In regard to my difficult child, yes, his hardships are my hardships, except, EXCEPT that I am the one doing most of the parenting, for good or bad. My mom's MO was to yell and scream and scare the $*#@& out of us, but in the end, she had no power to "do" anything. My dad, on the other hand, was very organized and fair, in addition to being able to yell and scream and scare the $@(%*% out of us. :) She'd say, "Wait until your father gets home." The standard line. I have called my husband on a few occasions. A couple of times he came home but I learned that for the most part, his work is his life. Anything else can wait. So I'm learning how to navigate the system of teachers and schedules and rules and follow-through. And I could be a lot better at it. But I get worn down. My difficult child, simply put, wears me out. I used to say, "Give me time to think about it." Mostly now, I just say, "No." Our difficult child has spent more time in his room than is "right" or "normal," but then he is not "right" or "normal." No going back in time and wishing for a "normal" life for him. [/QUOTE]
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