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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657858" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>hopeandjoy, I"m sorry for all you've gone through. I feel for your twin too. Like me, she was calling out the family BS and that is NOT allowed. </p><p></p><p>Hope, I never was angry at my dad for staying away. He was simply not strong enough to fight her in our behalf. Nor was he interested in doing so. He sort of lived is own life. I did not come to understand him until recently, when I started reading about family scapegoats, and realized that he was a scapegoat too. My sibs blame him for the bad marriage and call him out on his personality quirks, but not E's. (It is bad when you don't even want to call your mother your mother). My dad was mean sometimes, but equally to all of us, but no help was coming from there. In the end, E. really slammed him over a divorce SHE wanted and we all three bought that he was the bad guy...until I thought more about it. I don't think anyone could or would have stayed married to E. Well, they would have to have been very passive, done her bidding, agreed wither opinioins, and, most of all, not been too nice to me. </p><p></p><p>The hardships we faced did not bring us here. Our kids did. But it is amazing how many of us have had hard upbringings. And, no, not everybody has crazy parents. That's another thing 2 likes to say. "Everyone has someone."</p><p></p><p>Well, there is "someone" and then there is an abuser. Two different animals.</p><p></p><p>I think you are doing great!!! Keep reading. There are lots of books out there to validate you <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657858, member: 1550"] hopeandjoy, I"m sorry for all you've gone through. I feel for your twin too. Like me, she was calling out the family BS and that is NOT allowed. Hope, I never was angry at my dad for staying away. He was simply not strong enough to fight her in our behalf. Nor was he interested in doing so. He sort of lived is own life. I did not come to understand him until recently, when I started reading about family scapegoats, and realized that he was a scapegoat too. My sibs blame him for the bad marriage and call him out on his personality quirks, but not E's. (It is bad when you don't even want to call your mother your mother). My dad was mean sometimes, but equally to all of us, but no help was coming from there. In the end, E. really slammed him over a divorce SHE wanted and we all three bought that he was the bad guy...until I thought more about it. I don't think anyone could or would have stayed married to E. Well, they would have to have been very passive, done her bidding, agreed wither opinioins, and, most of all, not been too nice to me. The hardships we faced did not bring us here. Our kids did. But it is amazing how many of us have had hard upbringings. And, no, not everybody has crazy parents. That's another thing 2 likes to say. "Everyone has someone." Well, there is "someone" and then there is an abuser. Two different animals. I think you are doing great!!! Keep reading. There are lots of books out there to validate you :) [/QUOTE]
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