Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Authenticity
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="hopeandjoy66" data-source="post: 657941" data-attributes="member: 18181"><p>So much good stuff:</p><p></p><p>For me, I do think of my mom, almost daily, but with sadness not guilt anymore as I have come to realize that the mother that should have been can could never be. I would keep on trying to please her. One time I bought a limited print of one of her favorite artists, which I really didn't have that kind of money to waste.I sent it to her for mothers day and what she said when she received it was, "how am I suppose to hang this, it isn't framed." Nothing would ever good enough. My eyes were opened.</p><p>One therapist said to me once, would you go to a coke machine and expect pepsi to come out? Why would I keep trying the coke machine over and over, with the same results. </p><p>I have taken my power back. The time that I was living with guilt was time that she still had power, her control, over me. All that time spent feeling guilty is time I would never get back. Wasted time. Time is precious Copa, don't spend another minute wasting your precious time in that mental place. The guilt comes from her power. I still have twinges of guilt once in a while, but then I say to myself, don't waste time. Not only is it waste precious time, it is also time when the joy in your life is taken away.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Tanya you are so right, it was a light bulb moment, I would never allow darkness to come upon me again, because I could finally see it for what it was.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The triggers, yes this is hard, but this is where my husband has been able to see through some of my ugliness and recognize it for what it is.... the past. (Although, he doesn't seem to understand the concept of finding my true self. I can't blame him as this is something that I am having a hard time understanding). After we talk through these ugly times I have now been able to see some of the triggers as well. Recognizing them. Recognizing them that they are of my past and I have had victory over my past, so these things are no longer needed. Still very very hard.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, I think this is so true. Once I could put a label on my mother, somehow that freed me. It was another confirmation that it wasn't me, she was incapable of truly loving us entirely. Knowing this had given me a jumping off point to forgiveness which was also freeing myself of her bondage. Just like our Difficult Child's, sometimes we love them but don't like what they do or did, there should be no guilt in that.</p><p>Now I must free myself of the need to spew this story. Once in awhile, it is like a volcano exploding. This need to tell people of this story. Have I truly forgiven or is it a way of me recognizing my own growth, where I was and this is where I am now.Or perhaps a need to be the victim and gain some sort of sick sympathy. Maybe both. Our lives are a work in progress. (Thank you for whomever said that.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hopeandjoy66, post: 657941, member: 18181"] So much good stuff: For me, I do think of my mom, almost daily, but with sadness not guilt anymore as I have come to realize that the mother that should have been can could never be. I would keep on trying to please her. One time I bought a limited print of one of her favorite artists, which I really didn't have that kind of money to waste.I sent it to her for mothers day and what she said when she received it was, "how am I suppose to hang this, it isn't framed." Nothing would ever good enough. My eyes were opened. One therapist said to me once, would you go to a coke machine and expect pepsi to come out? Why would I keep trying the coke machine over and over, with the same results. I have taken my power back. The time that I was living with guilt was time that she still had power, her control, over me. All that time spent feeling guilty is time I would never get back. Wasted time. Time is precious Copa, don't spend another minute wasting your precious time in that mental place. The guilt comes from her power. I still have twinges of guilt once in a while, but then I say to myself, don't waste time. Not only is it waste precious time, it is also time when the joy in your life is taken away. Tanya you are so right, it was a light bulb moment, I would never allow darkness to come upon me again, because I could finally see it for what it was. The triggers, yes this is hard, but this is where my husband has been able to see through some of my ugliness and recognize it for what it is.... the past. (Although, he doesn't seem to understand the concept of finding my true self. I can't blame him as this is something that I am having a hard time understanding). After we talk through these ugly times I have now been able to see some of the triggers as well. Recognizing them. Recognizing them that they are of my past and I have had victory over my past, so these things are no longer needed. Still very very hard. Yes, I think this is so true. Once I could put a label on my mother, somehow that freed me. It was another confirmation that it wasn't me, she was incapable of truly loving us entirely. Knowing this had given me a jumping off point to forgiveness which was also freeing myself of her bondage. Just like our Difficult Child's, sometimes we love them but don't like what they do or did, there should be no guilt in that. Now I must free myself of the need to spew this story. Once in awhile, it is like a volcano exploding. This need to tell people of this story. Have I truly forgiven or is it a way of me recognizing my own growth, where I was and this is where I am now.Or perhaps a need to be the victim and gain some sort of sick sympathy. Maybe both. Our lives are a work in progress. (Thank you for whomever said that.) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Authenticity
Top