Marguerite
Active Member
The other night husband & I watched a TV documentary on Kim Peek. what struck me was how researchers are now recognising that people with autism are often much brighter than originally assessed; that assessments often underestimate their abilities as well as their prospects; that a lot of the ideas and methods that 'experts' have insisted on, now turn out to be wrong, and we parents are more often correct.
We have been told many times that people with autism have social skills deficits; they won't just pick up their social skills the way 'normal' people do, but they can be taught social skills in a more academic fashion and learn them in that way. We have found some concepts almost impossible to get through to difficult child 3, even if we sit with him and really work on those issues using every little trick we have found that works with him.
I've also sat through a number of various social skills courses with difficult child 3 (also earlier with difficult child 1) and what strikes me, is the various attempts to teach social skills to my autistic sons seem to involve nothing more specialised than someone standing up in front of the group and talking to them about these things. In one case, difficult child 3 was given some worksheets with an animation or similar to illustrate the points; but there was still nothing more than the issues themselves and a series of bullet points.
So what is wrong with this?
We have children with autism who are highly visual. They are also highly distractible. They are more likely to take information on board, if it is something they are already good at or interested in. When it comes to social skills, they are generally neither interested in it nor very capable. And yet the presenters seem to feel that taking the approach of talking to them in a group will be sufficient? No wonder such courses never seem to really help. All they seem to do is fulfil some bureaucratic requirement, satisfy some pen-pusher that social skills courses have been run in that area.
A big problem we've had with difficult child 3 (in common with many other having the same problem with their Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child) is his extreme sense of equality. He treats other people as they treat him; in his mind, everyone is on a level playing field. A teacher yelling at difficult child 3 would in turn find him yelling at them, which would get him into trouble.
We tried over and over to teach him about figures of authority, to explain that you just don't yell at your teachers, or your parents, or your grandparents. Not even if they yell at you first.
We've struggled with this one for years. Then today as they were on a long drive, husband had a brainwave. He explained the issue to difficult child 3 in terms of computer game characters.
In a number of computer games where the characters are warriors, their ability to fight and to do well in a battle is connected to their hit points, their weapons class, their armour class. For example if a character picks up a shield, his armour class is immediately increased.
husband proposed a system of respect points. Someone older than you automatically has more respect points. Someone younger than you automatically has fewer. Someone more experienced has more, even if they are younger. Someone more qualified has more respect points. But if someone highly qualified in a particular topic changes topic to something out of his field, his respect points due to his area of expertise no longer apply.
This is just a fledgling idea, but from here it's just a matter of establishing a scale of respect points as if we are writing the computer software for such a computer game.
This is also just one area of concern in terms of the social skills problems. There are many other "hit points" we could attach to other qualities, other problem areas. A game could be simple or more complex, depending on the capability of the player and the areas of concern needing to be addressed. A game could have more levels (increasing complexity) or fewer, depending on exactly what each child is capable of learning/needs to learn.
So I think maybe we need to review all these special courses we give to young people with autism - we need to draw a vivid comparison with computer games or similar, putting the issues in such terms as our children will understand. Maybe even if we invented a computer game which would help our children learn these strategies? After all, they often do very well when playing computer games, I know difficult child 3 uses a lot of what he learns in computer games, in his interactions with people.
So those of you who can use anything from this, see if the concept of "respect points" gets your child over this "everybody should be treated exactly equally" issue. Give it a go and let me know if it seems to help.
Marg
We have been told many times that people with autism have social skills deficits; they won't just pick up their social skills the way 'normal' people do, but they can be taught social skills in a more academic fashion and learn them in that way. We have found some concepts almost impossible to get through to difficult child 3, even if we sit with him and really work on those issues using every little trick we have found that works with him.
I've also sat through a number of various social skills courses with difficult child 3 (also earlier with difficult child 1) and what strikes me, is the various attempts to teach social skills to my autistic sons seem to involve nothing more specialised than someone standing up in front of the group and talking to them about these things. In one case, difficult child 3 was given some worksheets with an animation or similar to illustrate the points; but there was still nothing more than the issues themselves and a series of bullet points.
So what is wrong with this?
We have children with autism who are highly visual. They are also highly distractible. They are more likely to take information on board, if it is something they are already good at or interested in. When it comes to social skills, they are generally neither interested in it nor very capable. And yet the presenters seem to feel that taking the approach of talking to them in a group will be sufficient? No wonder such courses never seem to really help. All they seem to do is fulfil some bureaucratic requirement, satisfy some pen-pusher that social skills courses have been run in that area.
A big problem we've had with difficult child 3 (in common with many other having the same problem with their Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child) is his extreme sense of equality. He treats other people as they treat him; in his mind, everyone is on a level playing field. A teacher yelling at difficult child 3 would in turn find him yelling at them, which would get him into trouble.
We tried over and over to teach him about figures of authority, to explain that you just don't yell at your teachers, or your parents, or your grandparents. Not even if they yell at you first.
We've struggled with this one for years. Then today as they were on a long drive, husband had a brainwave. He explained the issue to difficult child 3 in terms of computer game characters.
In a number of computer games where the characters are warriors, their ability to fight and to do well in a battle is connected to their hit points, their weapons class, their armour class. For example if a character picks up a shield, his armour class is immediately increased.
husband proposed a system of respect points. Someone older than you automatically has more respect points. Someone younger than you automatically has fewer. Someone more experienced has more, even if they are younger. Someone more qualified has more respect points. But if someone highly qualified in a particular topic changes topic to something out of his field, his respect points due to his area of expertise no longer apply.
This is just a fledgling idea, but from here it's just a matter of establishing a scale of respect points as if we are writing the computer software for such a computer game.
This is also just one area of concern in terms of the social skills problems. There are many other "hit points" we could attach to other qualities, other problem areas. A game could be simple or more complex, depending on the capability of the player and the areas of concern needing to be addressed. A game could have more levels (increasing complexity) or fewer, depending on exactly what each child is capable of learning/needs to learn.
So I think maybe we need to review all these special courses we give to young people with autism - we need to draw a vivid comparison with computer games or similar, putting the issues in such terms as our children will understand. Maybe even if we invented a computer game which would help our children learn these strategies? After all, they often do very well when playing computer games, I know difficult child 3 uses a lot of what he learns in computer games, in his interactions with people.
So those of you who can use anything from this, see if the concept of "respect points" gets your child over this "everybody should be treated exactly equally" issue. Give it a go and let me know if it seems to help.
Marg